aiskrempotong-ism

END OF A CHAPTER

2008-09-25T16:48:00.001+04:00

hey guys,

i am currently sitting at my office cubicle.. waiting to handover this laptop back to the office coordinator in about an hour. this is probably going to be my last entry in d*bai. as some of you may know, i have decided to quit my job here and move back to malaysia. i have actually been dreaming of this day the moment i stepped foot in this country and it is finally happening.
a lot of people have been asking me how do i feel about leaving this place. i have always been a nostalgic person. i get teary eyed everytime i leave a company. i remember when i was in form 2, and it was the last day of school. i was in the afternoon session at the time and form 2 was the last year of afternoon session. i got so nostalgic and sentimental of the fact that that was the last day that i would be in the afternoon session that i cried before going to school (maybe that's how much i hate waking up extra early in the morning to attend the morning session but that's not the point). this time around, i do still feel sad but the feeling of sadness is overwhelmed by the feeling of excitement. i'm excited about going back for raya, excited about my new life in kl, excited about meeting ..emm .. new acquaintances.. so, there's very little time for reminiscing.

but whatever it is, my 2 years and 8 months in d*bai will be a phase in my life that i will always remember (thankfully i have my blog and some other d*bai friend's blogs to remind me of the times here). as much as i would like to bitch about how awful this place is, in totality i am glad that i have made the decision to try out this country when i got the offer almost years ago. i was 25 back then, barely out of the closet, having a ball of a time exploring this part of me which was kept inside for so long, and i actually loved my job at the time. it was difficult making the decision - sleepless nights were involved. but in the end, i made the decision to come here. and i'm kinda glad that i did.

so this is me, saying goodbye to a phase of my life in which i have learnt so much from. it is also a phase in which i get more confused about life. well, i guess it;s true what they say, the more you know, the more questions you'll have.if this blog was a book, then this would be the end of a chapter. and readers, get ready for the next chapter. it's promised to be more sizzling! hahaha..

ps: selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin to everyone!! enjoy your raya!!

BEING TWENTY EIGHT

2008-09-17T14:26:00.001+04:00

as hard as it is, the truth needs to be swallowed. yeap, i am now 28. of course, the normal reaction from 30-something and 40-something year old friends or colleagues would be "ah.. you're still a baby". but try telling it to your 23 year old pet brother (slash previous scandal) and he'll say "how did you get old so quickly?". can't really blame him. when i was 23, 28 seemed like light years away. but hey, now i'm here. and how does it feel? really don't know. all i know is that thank god i've followed through with my decision to return back to kl this year instead of next year. it really does feel like time is running out. for what - i don't know exactly. hehehe. but all i know is that i'm glad that i'm going back. yeap - even with the current political situation (what is up with that, people? do we actually have a prime minister anymore back home? is that dude still alive?). and even when i don't quite have half a million in my bank account (thanks for raising the bar so high, crushio :P). i'm glad i'm going to do it soon. or else i'd be hyperventilating already.

as always, my birthday have been the day when i get reminded of how blessed i am to have the friends and family that i have. the people who have been around for so long and the people whom hopefully are here to stay. and there were some surprises too this year. the first person who wished me happy birthday at the stroke of midnight was actually someone whom i have been guilty of neglecting for so long. but the guy is ever so persistent. another surprise is that my siblings have started using facebook to wish me happy birthday! (gosh i should really be careful with my facebook). the biggest surprise had to be from this high school GUY friend whom i've never been very close with. he said something like "wishing you a very happy birthday. keep that great smile bla bla bla". scared me a little bit.. but i still aprreciate it. i think.

celebration back here, as expected, was low key. being ramadhan and all, there was only time for one slot for get together - iftar. so since my officemate-cum-longest-friend-in-this-country invited me for dinner with another friend about a week ago, i said yes (there is something quite symbolic about that isn't it?). so we had dinner. and there was a cake. that pretty much wraps up the celebration. some of my friends here don't quite remember my birthday. i do not take offense though. i don't quite remember theirs too :P

anyway, i promise myself that i am going to try and make 28 my best year yet! after almost 3 years slugging it out in this place, i'm finally going back home. the stage is now set. i'll be working in a place which i think i'm going to like, working for someone whom i've known for years and i'll get to finally do the things that i have been wanting to do. things like having my own place that i can do a major renovation on, taking vocal lessons (i'm serious!), doing charity work (who wants to join me?) and liposuction (ok i'm just kidding. err. half-kidding).

previously i was a little bit sad to realise that i'll be back a single guy. i thought that it would be nice to share this experience of starting my life back with someone special. i imagined doing things like shopping for furniture (pushing trolleys together in ikea) and decorating the place with that someone special. but then i realise that i already have some very special people in my life. my close friends. my siblings even. the ones whom i know will be around for a long time. these are the people whom i would want to share this experience with. not someone who could be special to me at that point of time but could be out of my life the very next year. so there's actually no better time for me to be single. and being single definitely gives me the freedom of main2 mata with cute guys when i'm in ikea. hehehe.

if a guy has waited to go to a buffet almost three years, why would he want to approach the buffet table with a plate that is already full, right? :P

IT HURTS - BUT I NEEDED IT

2008-09-06T23:20:00.002+04:00

i think i can safely say that i'm finally moving on from the previous relationship. yerp. it does take THAT long. and it took one disturbing, disgusting revelation for me to move on. no, i'm not going to provide any details (mostly because i'm rather ashamed of myself for what has happened) but suffice to say that i'm convinced now that ending the relationship was the right thing to do.

i'm turning 28 in a week's time. and my life at 27 has taught me many of life's most important lessons. falling in love. having a relationship. ending a relationship. moving on from a relationship (in which i am a very lousy student). i also learned more about people and what they would do for money. i learned about trust and how not to give it too easily (can't believe i'm only learning about this at 27!! i must have been really priviliged to be surrounded by trustworthy people previously).

all in all, it has been an emotionally overwhelming year i have to say. a lot of tears (yeah i cry a lot). a lot of moments when you just wish that you can just stop your brain from thinking about something. but you feel so hopeless because you just can't. somehow, at times like these you realise how vulnerable you are. how if you are not strong enough, you will let something which happens to you ruin your life. it's up to you to build the courage to fight and move on with your life.

but hey, life is a journey of experiences isn't it. as long as we learn from our mistakes, we should be fine. but that, somehow, is easier said than done. all we can do is to hope for better future.

here's for a less heartbreaking 28!

THAT BITTER TASTE

2008-08-10T00:01:00.002+04:00

i had the triple whammy last weekend. the cold-fever-cough thing. you know, the one that gives your mouth that awful bitter taste that lingers forever no matter what you eat?

ironically, that's how i feel about my life at the moment. the awful bitter taste still lingers, even after almost 2 months. and i'm still waiting for myself to recover. unfortunately, unlike some of my friends here, getting myself an LV bag won't do the trick (no offense guys.. i love you guys to bits! eheh). so right now.. im still trying to find the right medicine for it.

now when the HELL is my knight in shining armour (read: cute guy in sparkmanshop suit)coming to rescue me?! (see - i'm not even that choosy. takde armani suit pun takpe :P)

WHY IS IT THAT..

2008-07-27T23:10:00.002+04:00

... i'm only getting friend request from girls on myspace these days?!!

seriously. it's not funny ok. how am i supposed to move on like this? with a girl?

eww.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT D*BAI

2008-07-10T11:05:00.003+04:00

im trying to make a decision whether to return to kl for good or not in the next few months. so before i make the decision, i thought that i could just list down what are the things that i like about my life here in dubai. i've been focusing on the things that i hate about being here that i may have overlooked the things that i like here which i would miss once im back home. so here goes:

1. the better pay - well this is pretty much why i've been holding it up here. so it does deserve to be at the the top of the list. and it has allowed me to do things that i enjoy like travelling and investing (eceh..). but apart from this, let's see if i can think about other things..

2. my friends here - although i don't have that many friends here.. but i do have a few friends whom i would definitely miss once i leave this country.

3. you can bitch about people in front of you with your malaysian friend and he / she won't have a clue. it's really fun!

4. as there is less good, cheap food around.. losing weight is considerably easier.

5. less pressure to get married - something that i only feel whenever i go back home. and working in dubai does provide me with a feasible explanation as to why i'm still single.

6. i will miss the good weather in winter (no there's no snow.. but the weather is niceeeee)

7. i will miss using the air-cond without worrying about the bill later.. hehehe (utilities are included in the rent)

8. the company that i'm working for is quite laid back. we have flexible working hours, i get to wear jeans and t-shirts to the office and my boss is actually quite nice. but i've realised that i'm the kind of person who needs to be pushed to perform. so this advantage is really backfiring on me.

9. they have pretty good sales over here.

10. hmm... ermmm ...lemme think ..

it looks like i'm having trouble coming up with even 10 things which i like or would miss about this place. and i can assure you that i can come up with 100 things which i don't like about the country in a jiffy. so i guess it's settled then eh? d*bai - 0, kuala lumpur -1.

with all the things that has been happening to me recently, it is quite difficult to have think objectively. as much as i try to, i just can't have full trust on myslef that i am thinking objectively. when you are emotionally hurt, nothing feels right. you tend to blame the environment you are in. you just want to get out of it. but after checking back my old entries, i can safely establish that my urge to go back is not from the recent happenings in my life. i had wanted to go back since FOREVER. and i do remember telling myself that i want to complete a year in this company before i go back. and as i feel now is the time that i show more love to myself (as i at this point of time i feel like i'm the only person who can do it fairly), i'm keeping that promise. i am nearing 28, and i need to experience the things that i want to experience. things that i can only experience back home. money, although is good to have, is not everything. and god-willing, opportunities will come by later for me to work overseas if i want to.

the time is now. i will make a call to that kl company tomorrow for a job opportunity. i hope that i will end my chapter in this country soon. wish me luck.

GOTTA GET THRU THIS

2008-07-05T08:34:00.003+04:00

my sister has always had marital problems. she's been married for almost 15 years now to her high school boyfriend. i think she met him when she was in form 2. so basically they've been together for more than 25 years.

within their marriage of 15 years, they've had 3 children. but within the 15 years of marriage, the husband was without a job for at least 7 years out of that 15 years, leaving her to be the sole breadwinner of the family and to take care of her children. her husband quit a permanent job to try his hands in business. and since then, he has suffered one business failure after another. and he had physically abused her countless times.

everyone in my family (including myself) thinks that her husband is a useless bum and she should have left him years ago. and she actually tried a few times. but they are still married until now. i personally wasn't able understand it. it was crystal clear how she is on the losing side of the relationship. why would she continue to be in this kind of marriage?

but after the thing that has happened to me, i think i am now able to understand why she is still holding on to her marriage. because when emotions are involved, nothing is crystal clear.

basically, i am her in my previous relationship. the one at the losing end. the one who's suffering. everyone who knows me thinks that i should leave him. but as with other relationships, there are of course some good times. the times when you can really feel the love from the other party. and just like her, i've only had a relationship with one person in my life so far. so at this point in time, as much as i want to believe it, i am not sure that i will find someone who can give me the good times (despite the overwhelming and unbearable bad times that came with it). but unlike my sister, i'm trying to be a little more optimistic about the future.

i have ended the relationship.

at this point, i wish i could strongly say that it's the right thing to do. but i can't. there is still a lot of "what if's" that's lingering in my mind at the moment. but all i know is that if i decide to continue with him, i'd probably be the way i was in the last 4 months, which was lunacy. and i do not want that. so at this point of time, breaking up seems like a better option.

yes. i'm struggling. i am a perfectionist, i have an emotional maturity of an infant and i am a thinker. all these are making it so difficult for me to get past through this. but i know that i need to get through this. i owe this to myself, i owe this to my family and i owe it to my friends. heck i even owe this to my boss. it's time to get my life up and running again.

to my friends, thank you. thank you for putting up with my crap so far. thank you for your patience and thank you for all the advice. believe me, i know how annoying i have been to you guys in the past few months. and i am very very sorry. but i'm afraid i still need your help in getting through this phase. so do bear with me for a little bit more ok... (*smiles sheepishly*)

A LESSON I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO LEARN

2008-05-29T22:18:00.004+04:00

there was one time when i felt so embarrassed and like a total failure that i wished that i could just vanish into thin air. i was in form 5 then. it was after the spm trials. that day, our maths teacher was passing out our maths paper result. i didn't expect to do so well for it (i was rather playful in form 5 and i had a lot of ..err issues). but i wasn't prepared for the results that i was going to receive. out of the 19 students in my class, i was the only one who did not get an A. and it was maths, not add maths. maths was supposed to be a piece of cake. and to add salt on the wound, i went to my english literature class after that, just to find that i got the lowest score in that class too.

at that point, i felt totally humiliated. a total failure. i sulked for days.. i couldn't even talk to my close friends because i was so humiliated. i thought about how good a student i was especially in primary school and how did i end up being the dumbest kid in class (although it was a very prestigious school).

so i wrote a letter to myself. it started off with "dear me," and it went on about me consoling myself.. telling that i understand how "i" was feeling, and how "i" should take this positively. and that i shouldn't get my spirits down. that it was just a minor setback. i still have the letter somewhere back home. it was 2 pages long, written in red ink. (the handwriting was fabulous, as always)

i pasted the letter in my locker and i would look at it everyday. yes, it's cliched but it really helped. it boosted my spirit slowly and it made me determined to do better. it felt like someone was supporting me. someone who understood how i was feeling at the time. and during the second trials, i got a 91. wasn't the highest - but among the top scores in the class. my maths teacher actually paused dramatically before my point was announced (yes he used to read the scores out loud). and the class clapped. i can't really remember my scores for my next english literature trial exam, but i know it was better too. (and fyi, i nailed both papers during the actual spm)

right now, i am feeling as miserable as i was during that particular day in 1997 when i received my maths and e-lit (that's what we used to call english literature) results. a total failure. and i really need that letter that i wrote 11 years ago to myself.

as many of you may know, i've been involved with a guy for the last few months. i have always wanted to be in a relationship, and after almost 3 years of looking, i believed i found the one. it's true what they say - opposites attract. it was really the case for me. he was a third grade spm holder who does not even know who his real parents are. his life, to me, was all about survival. but he was so sweet and he was so honest that it made me fall for him (one thing about me is that i am easily touched by other people's misfortunes). and i have to admit, to me he is quite a looker. given all those combinations, it was hard for me not to resist him. the weird thing is that one of the main reasons (apart from his looks) why i want to be with him is so that i can provide him with the love and guidance that i felt was missing in his life. i wanted to help him to further his studies, get better jobs, start praying again (he told me that it had been years since he last prayed). i swear to god, it's true.

after chatting online and spending hours on the phone (which costed me thousands of dollars) for about 2 months, i finally got the chance to see him. we met for 3 days and it was among the happiest days of my life. at the end of the 3rd day before i returned to d*bai, i proposed. he accepted. i was a happy man. very happy man. when i touched down, i saw 21 missed calls from him. i told him that i would arrive at 9pm and he thought it was 9 pm msian time (it was 9pm d*bai time, which means 1 am msian time). that's why he had been calling me endlessly. when i called him back, he sounded so worried and relieved at the same time. i really felt the love at the time. i had no doubt about his feelings for me.

unfortunately, everything started to go downhill from then on. 5 months into the relationship, and i've only seen him for a total of 8 days. the last time i met him was on the 9th of february. this long distance thing was already a big challenge to overcome. to make things worse, he chose to quit his job in march after he had an argument with his supervisor at work. he has been stuggling to find a good job since then and has been borrowing money from me to survive.

for the longest time, i believed EVERYTHING that he said. actually, that's what's terribly wrong about me. i trust people f*cking so easily. it's so easy to earn my trust. just tell me something that you should be embarrassed about and i would just stamp the word "HONEST" right across your forehead. no questions asked after that. he did this way before i met him by telling all his flaws (he drinks, he uses ecstacy, he doesn't pray). so he got his stamp right away.

so being the best boyfriend in the world, i went on to help him with whatever i can, given my position a few thousand miles away from him. i did his resume, i sms-ed him job vacancies i found on the internet, i gave him money, i topped up his mobile phone credit. i was worried about him the whole time. i was already making flight reservations to bring him here with me, because i was so worried for him.

it was only at the end of march that i first realised that he lied to me about something. i was heartbroken. i confronted him but he denied it. i decided to break up with him. but it only lasted a week. i was weak. i was so madly in love with him that i tried to justify why he was lying to me. "when he lied to me about that, we weren't even a couple yet" i said to myself. so i believed that he wouldn't have lied to me if we were a couple. so in the end, i decided to continue the relationship. "but no more lies" i said. he promised that he won't do it again. so we continued on, having a relationship based on sms-es and the occasional phone call. i've had at least 3 nights without sleep because he failed to sms me on those particular days (yeah i'm crazy). he continued on with his inconsistencies in contacting me, and he would continue to ask to borrow some money once in a while. i was starting to realise what could be the real reason why he is in this relationship with me.

then earlier this month, i discovered another lie that he told me. but even until now he doesn't know that i know about it. i thought that it was hopeless to confront him now so i chose to remain quiet. and i decided that i was not going to let him borrow from me anymore. so when he asked 2 weeks ago, i actually said no. it was very difficult for me to say no because i know that he needed it. and a few hundred bucks means a lot more to him that it does to me. i was afraid that he would stop contacting me if i refused. but i did it anyway.

the good news is that he did not totally stop contacting me, but the communication is considerably less. but the bad thing was, i started hearing things about him which i wished i didn't need to. he has not been faithful. yeah, many of you guys would have expected it. even my friends said thought so. but i didn't. because hey, i have been faithful all this time. i had not even responded to messages in myspace after he became my boyfriend. i guess i would be a tough act to follow, huh? but it doesn't matter. the fact was he lied to me.

now, i'm at the point that i don't even know which part of this relationship was he being honest to me. it's sad to think that it's possible that he was never honest in his feelings towards me. while i, on the other hand, gave him NOTHING but my true feelings for him. and it's even more sad because that this is my first relationship. people say that your first relationship is always something that you'll remember and cherish for life. well, my first relationship could very well be with a golddigger and a compulsive liar.

at this point of time, we are technically still together (although i don't really know what that means to him). he doesn't know that i know about all his nasty secrets. and i really don't know what to do. i am only going back in a month's time. somehow, i don't want to break up with him now. i have thought of revenge. but i don't know if i could pull it off. and i've thought about closure. and i've thought about (i know many people would want to hit my head with a hard object when i say this), him another chance if he confesses to all those things. because really, part of me wants to help him get a better life. because the life that he leads right now will not bring him anywhere (although it almost brought him to d*bai.. thank god). really, i just don't know what to do. and to think that i need to wait another month before i can settle this - it's driving me crazy.

what saddens me most is that i feel like the things which i think were my good values were the things that has caused all this heartache. my honesty has lead me to believe that other people should be honest too. my faithfulness has lead me to believe that everyone else should be faithful too. and my "cepat kesian" nature has resulted me in being fooled over and over again blindly. and to have all this happen to you in your first relationship (after searching for 2 years), is just TOO PAINFUL. i really bring the term "unlucy in love" to a whole new level don't i?

apart from not knowing what to do with him, i am now faced with a big dilemma. what do i do now? how do i go on after this? do i start being skeptical with everything everyone says? how do i know what to trust and what not to trust? i don't think i can live with all the skepticism. i used to believe in the 'buat baik dibalas baik' crap. and i use to hate it when my mom expresses her unwillingness to trust. but it seems like what i believe in has really backfired on me. now i've lost my trust in people. i've lost the innocent view that i once had. i can never see things the same way again. it's just like losing your virginity, you can never get it back (but i wouldn't know how that feels yet actually. eheh)

at least one thing i learned from this whole thing is that i am capable of loving someone. actually, that's an understatement. i can REALLY REALLY love someone. i had my doubts earlier, but now i know that i make a terrific boyfriend. really, anyone is lucky to have me (as long as they don't mind the slight love handles). because now i've learned that honesty and fidelity are not things that many people have. add those qualities with good heart, financial stability, intelligence, amazing voice and dashing good looks (kasik can la.. im heartbroken ni) - i really am a catch, aren't i?

well this 'catch' - is currently wounded.

LIVE FROM THE KUWAIT INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

2008-05-06T21:39:00.003+04:00

oh yeah, i'm kinda in kuwait right now. i've been here for the last for days and right now i'm just waiting for my flight at the airport. i'm here on a job. a business trip, you might say. gosh.. i really need to get used to be sent to places for work. it's cool, i know. but i feel scared and .. old. like i'm 40 or something. very adult. and it is quite pressurising when you are sent to go to a foreign country alone. and the job at hand is totally depending on you. but i think i did a reasonably good job this time. there was no internet connection in the kuwait office that i was visiting so i had nothing to do but work. and when i work, i REALLY work. so, yeah i guess i did alright in this particular assignment.

now let me share with you a thing or two about this country. first of all, it's mighty rich. it's really really tiny but it's super duper rich. that's pretty much why they were attacked by iraq back in 1991. and second of all, it's super duper expensive. this is mostly because kuwait, unlike d*bai or qatar or bahrain or oman has decided to de-peg it's currency from the usd. and because of this, their currency has appreciated about 30% compared to the rest of gulf countries in the last year or two. although prices remain the same (for example, it cost 0.6 kuwaiti dinner to buy a large apple juice in kuwait or 0.6 omani riyal in oman) but since their value of the kuwaiti dirhams appreciated, that actually translates to about 0.8 omani riyal). so everything becomes automatically more expensive as most companies who operate within the gulf uses the same price structure. get it? no? ok, let's try this way - a fridge magnet here cost RM 17. yeah, it's bloody expensive here (btw, for those of you who have been getting fridge magnets from me from my previous trips- i'm sorry. not this time)

my flight today is at 10.25 pm. i had to check out at 3 pm. since i was homeless for about 7 hours, i decided to go to one of the malls. and since everything was so expensive at the mall, i've decided to catch a movie (which was still expensive, btw. 3 dinars. i think around rm30). only 1 show suited my timing - ironman. usually, i wouldn't watch these kind of movies (superhero movie, not-so-goodlooking hero). but since i wanted to save myself from boredom (or buying something ridiculously overpriced that i might regret later), i decided to watch it. and as expected, i didn't really enjoy it. as always, the hero went against all odds and was triumphant in the end. and always, they had nincompoops as the villains. muslim villains some more. gosh i just wish that these rich arab countries can just pool some money together and make a movie where the villains are stupid american people and the hero is... that guy he sits in 3 desks away from me in the office. nyum. (he's lebanese btw so it's ok). hehe.

oh btw - some interesting facts about the cinema in kuwait. they still have seats segregated according to gender. cool eh? and.. during the commercials before the movie started, they were actually political campaigns as adverts (they are having their election soon). but since candidates here do not have parties, so it's actually a personal campaign. like "vote for abu obeid bin abdulla". hehe. quite funny, really. reminds me of rtm.

don't really have much things to tell about kuwait. as usual, i am in my best behaviour whenever i am in a foreign country. so i don't have any interesting stories to tell you guys (fine. go ahead and type another address in the address box. see if i care. :P) anyway, my general impression about kuwait that it is better than dubai (in fact, i feel that all the places i've visited is better than dubai. if that's not hatred, i don't know what is). you can a lot of development in kuwait just like dubai, but it's just the right amount. it doesn't get too overwhelming. and it doesn't get too crowded or too hectic up to the point you are feeling suicidal. you can still drive on the main streets of kuwait without being stuck in the jam. and you can still ask people for directions on the streets and ask people to take photos for you (heheh camera whore kan?) and they will entertain you quite pleasantly. i'm very doubtful if you can get the same type of response if you are in d*bai.

they were still traces of war around they city. even in kuwaiti towers (kuwait's most famous landmark), they put up photos showing the destruction that the iraqi forces brought to the city. quite grim actually. can't really imagine that it happened just 17 years ago. looks like they have recovered well (well, the tons of money that they have sure helped).

so anyway, that's pretty much all about kuwait. my flight is in 1 hour an im gonna go to my gate now. as always, for photos, please check my facebook. daaaa....

SICK, AND THOU SHALT FIND

2008-04-25T00:39:00.004+04:00

i had a good day today. i called in sick. it was just a teeny tiny headache that i had this morning. but since my company doesn't require me to produce an mc for sick leaves that are less than 3 days (isn't that great?), who's gotta know how big was the headache right? a headache was still a headache. so i sent my boss' secretary an sms. and voila - free holiday (the headache disappeared an hour after i sent the sms btw. miraculous!)

i have not been in the best of moods lately (actually when was i ever? hehe). i've been doing a lot of waiting and it's been very exhausting. waiting for all sorts of things (can't really tell you guys.. SOME of you might take advantage of me later :P). and waiting makes me grumpy - patience is definitely not one of my best virtues. but today was quite a happy day. i don't know - maybe the fact that i managed to escape work made me happy. or the fact that i just gave myself a 3-day weekend (tomorrow is already a weekend here). but my mood was definitely better.

i cooked (haven't done this for a while), i cleaned (haven't done this in a while too..hehehe), i sang (louder than usual, since i figured all the neighbours were at work) and i spent my afternoon crying.

yes, crying. all because this guy lent me his oprah 20th anniversary collection dvd. over 17 hours of oprah's most memorable moments in a 6-disc collection katanya. watched the 1st cd and i was crying already. all because of HER. SHE made me feel so small. and selfish. and ungrateful. segala2nya lah. that's why i cried. i guess it was partly because of her story, but the other part was because i felt embarrassed with myself. currently, i've been so miserable thinking about a choice that i have to make at the moment in which each option presents it's own pro's and con's. but when i compare my problem with her problem, i don't have nothing. really. my problem is so miniscule next to hers (well.. except for the plu thing which is quite a big burden as most of you guys would agree). but she is probably more positive and optimistic about her life than me about mine. that really makes me feel like a spoiled brat of some sort. and i don't like it one bit.

and thus, i've decided to clean up my act a little bit. i need to keep reminding myself about how grateful i should be with my life. i need to stop being a brat. in fact, the next time i complain in my blog, someone just kick my ass ok?

oh, and to jacqueline sabadiro, thank you for this reality check.

LAND OF NO FRIDGE MAGNETS

2008-04-18T00:29:00.003+04:00

"so what is therr in yemen? it's a purr country, no?" asked my indian colleague with his increasingly irritating accent. the ever-sarcastic side of me was already prepared with a vicious response, like "well, tons of people go and visit your country to see how poor it is don't they?" luckily the better, more-civilised part of me took over (and plus i was taking a lift in his car at the time). so i replied "i'm not really sure. but they say yemen has a lot of old cities with unique architectural designs. and i'm just going there because i like to collect fridge magnets"

and he chuckled (see, my jokes are crossing cultural boundaries. how international is that? :P) but i was only half joking. a big motivation factor for me to go travelling to new countries is actually so that i can increase my fridge magnet collection.

and guess what - i couldn't find any. but strangely enough, i did not even resent the country for that. i'm pretty sure that i would have if it was any country. but i just couldn't resent yemen. it's just not right to resent something so charming.

it was just a short trip. 3 nights. i was there with my ARABIC SPEAKING friend zali. (notice the bold, capital letters? that's how important that thing is in yemen). thank god he speaks arabic. actually thank god that his father decided to sent him to sekolah agama (although there were some dire consequences from that decision la kan.. hahaha. jgn marah zali). it would have been considerably more difficult to travel around (and to shop) around yemen if you don't speak the language. well zali should be thanking me too. it's due to my inability to speak arabic that most shopkeepers decided to give him a better discount. his language skills shone through since i have the proficiency of a 2-year old.

"you've been in dubai for 2 years and u don't speak arabic?" ouch.

"and you are muslim?" double ouch. serves me right though.

apart from those uncomfortable moments, i really enjoyed the trip. it was quite an eye opener for me because i've never travelled in a country this economically challenged. (actually the first thing i noticed when i boarded the flight was how skinny the rest of the passengers are (tetiba terus rasa insecured and jealous..heheh). turns out, that was actually a true reflection of how the ountry generally is. life is not so easy over there. beggars and street vendors everywhere. they were street vendors who walked around with about 10 jubah over his shoulder, approaching potential customers, trying to sell the jubah by fitting a jubah in front of a customer, and saying something like "this is your size" or "uols, this jubah really brings out the colour of your eyes!" ok, maybe not the second one. (btw, homosexuality is punishable by death in yemen. just for your info). and there was another street vendor who just sits by the roadside with a weighing scale in fron of him. yeap, he charges people who use it. but nevertheless, the people are really nice. many of them did not even overcharge you although they know you were a tourist. we bought jagung bakar from this boy and he only charged us about seringgit for it. i tell you, if that boy was brought up in dubai, he'd be charging us 10 bucks. and if we were to buy the same jagung bakar from him the next day, it would probably cost 15 bucks already. because that's just how this STUPID country is.

oops. sorry. emotional sket.

anyway, while we were there, we visited a few old cities, each with it's own unique architectural style. and we also visited the museum.i've been going to a lot of museums lately.. which i think is cool. one thing which made me realise from all these visits to these museums is how young our civilisation was in tanah melayu. and how uncreative the prehistoric people who used to occupy our country back in the old ages. it may appear that we are far more advanced than yemen now, but they have a long history of civilisation behind them. they created cities from a few hundred years ago and they are still liveable now. and what do we have? candi lembah bujang? if i remember correctly, i think that place is just a small hut. it's sad to know that my possible ancestors were very far behind than their other counterparts in the old world. i am somehow disturbed by this. is this the reason why i think our society, albeit very economically blessed and techonologically advanced, still lack something? i feel like we lack depth. and wisdom. and jatidiri (betul ke ni?). i think somehow there's got to be a connection somewhere.

oops. digressing again. sorry la dah lama tak blog panjang2 ni. i tend to run astray with my thoughts.. hehe.

so anyway, if there is one advice that i could give those who wish to visit yemen is to buy a lot of pens before you go and visit. weird huh? let me tell you why. on our third day, we went to an old village called shibam. as we were walking around the village (sambil feeling2 macam UN repsresentative), we were appraoched by a group of school kids. and all of them were asking for kalam. kalam, by the way, is the arabic word for pen (i thought it was arabic for book until zali corrected me. see how bad my arabic is? humiliating isn't it). aren't these kids the sweetest? they don't want PS3 or PSP or XBOX. they just want a pen to write and study (or to draw pornographic images. i hope not though). i only had 1 pen with me so i gave it to one of the boys. the moment i gave that pen to the boy, the rest shouted "kalam! kalam!" even louder. alamak, kesiannya. but i couldnt do anything. there were no stationery shops in sight. so all i could say (in my weak arabic) was "mafi kalam. kalam khalass". and then i continued by singing one of nancy ajram's song, hoping to make up for the disappointment. hehehe. no la i did not.
so that's my advice to you. i don't really know how many of you guys plan to go to yemen but if you ever do, contact me. i can give the number of our tour guide. he speaks decent english. decent, but slurred. especially when he was chewing his qat. sometimes i was i was a yemeni. maybe then i wouldn't have to be so uptight. and maybe then i won't have to spend hours on the treadmill trying to lose my love handles. but i guess being malaysian is not so bad. at least we have la q*een. and akademi fantasia. hahaha.

ok la ok la dah mengarut dah. nak tido. anyway, if you guys wanna see photos, kindly check out my facebook ok?

kekekek. gotcha.

TRIP-PING AROUND

2008-04-03T16:30:00.002+04:00

in a few hours, i'll be off to yemen. yeap - yemen. ANOTHER place that i'd never thought i'd set foot in in my lifetime.

"why?" you may ask. well, it all started because i have some unutilised credit with air arabia which i need to use before 5th of may (i kinda cancelled a travel plan last year). so i'm not gonna let the unitilised credit go to waste. so hence the need to travel. but i can't really travel that far as i'm in the middle of a project. i knew that i could only take a day off or two. and after consulting the world map application on my facebook profile which i have downloaded (i have a traveler iq of 114, btw :P), i realised that given the limitations, yemen would be a good choice. it may be 2 hours flight away from d*bai, it from the looks of it, it may have been a totally different planet altogether. sure, kuwait or bahrain are closer - but i want to go to a place that's different. a place where there isn'y so many cranes around and pak arabs with luxury cars roaming in the streets.

i'm looking forward to this trip actually. i need a break - both from dubai and malaysia. i'm always miserable in dubai, and i'm always so busy in malaysia. need to go to a different place to clear my head a little. to get a different perspective of life. i hope this trip will give me just that.

see you guys later!

GOOD DECISION, PEOPLE!

2008-03-09T22:31:00.002+04:00

ok - i take back what i said. i so damn wished that i was in m'sia yesterday. i wished that i had registered and voted. and be a part of history. oh well, at least i went to the celine dion concert last wednesday. i mean, that's a part of history too isn't it? hehehe.

i spent most of my yesterday evening in front of the computer (i'm making it sound like i rarely do this am i not) waiting relentlessly for the election results. i was using malaysiakini as my source. it was pretty thrilling to hear the news unravel one by one everytime i click the reload button. it was a very emotional evening (yes, there were tears). i never thought that i'd see the day when sammy vellu had to step down. and i never thought that i'd see the day when my state would be ruled by anyone apart from that particular party that everyone has grown accustomed to.

i feel proud. i feel proud that my fellow countrymen are willing to take the risk and give the opportunity for someone else to govern us. it takes guts to do this. scores of people were willing to go out of their comfort zone to vote for a change. and this is the result.

of course, this is just the beginning. things could either go for the better or for the worse. but at least we know that there is a possibility of things being better. i personally hope that some change would take place in my state. in my hometown. i'm kinda sick of having to defend it when my friends makes derogatory remarks about it. i want a carrefour in ipoh. and fitness first. and JCo donuts. ouh and l* queen. hehehe.

it was definitely a night of surprises. PLEASANT surprises.

AS MALAYSIA DECIDES..

2008-03-07T23:39:00.002+04:00

i'm actually glad that i'm not in malaysia right now. i know there are streets are filled with the election posters. i really despise those posters. first of all, i thin it's a pure waste of money. and secondly, the poster designs are hardly ever tasteful. it looks like the same template was used since the 1970's. really shows how these political parties think about us the fellow citizens eh? like mindless idiots who would just accept everything they give us.

reading the newspapers in the last 2 weeks have been very insulting. insulting to the intelligence. i'm sure a lot of you guys feel the same way too. this is actually why i think journalism is the worst career option for malaysians. because you can never get anywhere. even the entertainment journalists are lousy (i just watched melodi just now..bleargh). it's so aggravating to think that the ruling party expects the people to believe everything that they are saying? and why is it that only when it is election time are they embarking on projects left and right, signing deals and MoU and pledging this and that? would anyone be interested in keeping track of how many of these projects would actually be carried out?

sure you can campaign. but what i'm saying is don't take us as idiots la. have some repsect. but being malaysia, this is again too much to ask kan?

have fun voting tomorrow. tomorrow's election is far less nerve-wrecking than the recent OIAM finals (shila should've won, btw). being in d*bai, i won't be able to participate. but even if i wasn't , i'm not sure if i would go out and cast my vote. maybe i would.. just for the fun of it.

YET ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY

2008-01-31T15:40:00.000+04:00

yes ladies and gentlemen, today marks another milestone in my life. today marks my second year anniversary working in this country.

*kembang kempis idung*

seriously, there had been times when i didn't think i could make it this year. i remember when my family was sending me off to d*bai the first time, my brother (who had worked overseas for a few years in a few different countries) said to me "jangan balik awal sangat. at least stay sana 2 tahun."

at that point of time, 2 years felt like an impossibility. and for the first few months i was here, it really was. but i guess i slowly learned to adapt to the hardship. and life did get better in some aspects. i started making new friends. changed to a better job.

d*bai has actually made me a better person in some ways. i've picked up cooking skills here. i am healthier than i ever was. i do think that i look better now. but i also resent the fact that i am becoming a worse person in some ways too. religious-wise. work ethics-wise and work quality-wise. and deep down, i'm really worried.

but in totality, i have to say that i'm quite proud for making it 2 years here. god knows what i've gone through in the last 2 years but i'm still alive of kicking! that, my friend, is perseverance. and perseverance needs to be rewarded. and how am i rewarding myself?

by flying malaysia airlines tonite. flight mh 161.

hehehe...

REUNITING

2008-01-31T10:09:00.000+04:00

gosh. so many things to write about. so many things to do.

i'm currently in my office. watching/listening to the live streaming of ajl. since jinb*ra is performing right now, i thought i'd write something. seriously - f*rhana gadis what? haiyoo. i rest my case.

life has been so busy the past few weeks. except for my job. and thank god for that. and there's a reason why things have been so hectic:

i'm going back this thursday (today)! :D

you guys may know what's the ultimate reason for me going back. yes - it's him. but i'm trying to find as many other reasons as possible to why i'm going back. just to make me feel less guilty. because taking an 8-hour flight just to see my partner sounds like i'm paris hilton (although miss hilton would be taking a private jet whereas i'll be stuck with cramped legs in economy). so i managed to find the perfect time tp go back which would provide me with strong enough reasons that would satisfy my conscience (and reasons that couls justify me going back to my family and friends)- it's my high school reunion.

understandably, life is a little bit chaotic with me at the moment. since like everyone else i'm struggling to lose like a gazillion kilos before the reunion. but unlike other people (who are exaggerating), i REALLY need to lose a gazillion kilos. so i've been going to the gym every spare time that i can. but i'm not seeing the results. i only have 5 days left. emm how long does it take to recover from a liposuction surgery?

apart from the pressure to look my best, i've also decided to add to the stress level by agreeing to participate in the idol competition during the reunion. ha.. gila kan? i really didnt know why i volunteered.. but i just thought that if im gonna fly a few thousand miles just for the reunion, i better make my presence felt. eheh. and plus, you guys know how much i enjoy singing. so apart from the pressure to lose weight, now i have the pressure of training my vocal chords, selecting a song AND finding an outfit. serves me right. wish me luck in this one ok?

i really don't know what's going to happen at the reunion. will i be bombarded with questions of "bila nak kawin?" or "how long do you plan to stay there?" or "ada keje kosong untuk i tak?" (well i can bet you i'm gonna get a load of the third question). a friend who is a member of the reunion committee sent me an email a week ago, asking me to speak at a "career talk" session with the current student (LUCKILY, i am not going to be able to make it since i'm arriving late on that day). anyway, he did say that he can't wait to see me because he said "(another friend) ckp ko dah hebat sekarang". aiyoh. expectation expectation.

oh yes, apart from the reunion, i also have a good friend's wedding to attend. and get this, she doesn't even know that i'm going to be at her wedding! (not because she didn't invite me, but i told her that i wont be going back to kl until may). nice surprise eh? god i'm such a good friend kan? kan? kan? hehehe..

but ultimately, i'm back because of him. i have not been doing very well being away from him. i have had some crazy moments (more than i expected). so i really need to see him again soon. and i need to talk to him. BOTH of us need to talk and see what we need to do to make things work. this is very important because after this trip, i will only return to kl again in june. that's like 4 months away! i could barely survive the past one month, let alone 4 months. but at this point, i'm still determined to make this work. i just hope that he is as determined as i am...

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU

2008-01-11T16:47:00.000+04:00

seems like this catch phrase is a favourite among advertisers in this country. i guess in a place where the average disposable income is higher than many other countries, marketing ads such as this would be more effective here. all you need to do is give these people the slightest rational reason to spend. and spend they will. you don't need to give them discounts. just a reason. it's so different from back home where price is the main factor to push consumer activities in the country (wah.. very academia ayat ni ek? but it may not even be true. eheh)

let me tell you how i was greeted this new year. a couple of days before the new year, i received a notification that says the daily newspaper would increase it's price from AED 2 to AED 3. (from RM 1.80 to RM 2.70). i don't usually buy local newspapers so it was ok. but i was amazed at how they can increase something by 50% overnight. and since the price of newspaper (and many other things) is not government-controlled, this is possible.

then the day after the new year, i had another surprise. the office cafeteria (where i religiouly take my lunches everyday) has introduced a new price list. a lunch set which used to cost AED 15 is now AED 18. A measly-looking chocolate eclairs is now AED 7 - it used to be AED 4. Mineral water is now priced as AED 2 instead of 1.

and on the 3rd of january, the Malaysian Ringgit was at a 10-year high against the US Dollar / AED.

so that's pretty much how 2008 has greeted me. by stronger signs of inflation and the further weakening of the local currency. i am new me. a new, more-depressed me. eheh.

ok enough about the depressing local economy. as the new year approaches (ok la, i know the new year is like 11 days ago. i was busy ok?), the time comes for me to reflect what has happened in the previous year and express my aspirations for the coming year (eceh). some people don't give a crap for new year, but i do. i do believe that i need some objective for the new year just to provide myself with a sense of direction. in 2006 last year, my main resolution was to stay in this country for another year. alhamdulillah it's 11 january 2008 and i'm still here. this year, i've decided not to give myself a target about how long i should stay here. there are so many variables that may affect the decision whether to stay or not to stay. so i'm just going to see how things go. but i do have a few things which i wish to accomplish this year.

1. take my professional examination
i'm a firm believer that paper qualification means squat. experience counts. unfortunately, i can't hire myself (i would definitely hire myself if i could though. eheh). and i think i have to finally succumb to the pressure of the outside world and take up my professional exam. urghh.

2. not to be too near the limit of a healthy bmi
alhtough i have finally fell within the range of a healthy bmi, i really wish that i could push it further within the healthy range. (anyway, you guys don't want to know which range i was in 3 years ago. eheh). by the way, i've joined FF. so make way the new mucle mary in town. hahaha.

3. to blog more
yeah. i'm determined to write more. so that you guys can read more crap from me. how's a 5-entry-per-month minimum sound?

4. to finally .....

oops. number 4 tu censored sket. but for those who know me, no prize for guessing it correctly. eheh..

EXHAUSTED

2008-01-04T17:22:00.000+04:00

i've actually written an entry on how my trip back to malaysia was. on what happened when i met him. but after finished writing it, i realised that the entry was a little bit too personal. so i've decided to keep that one just for my own reading later. suffice to say that it was among the best days that i had for a very very long time.

oh, and i'm no longer single. finally. eheh.

when i told my friend rick about this (who btw is a full-time critic of this blog), he said "finally! so i guess we can expect less negative entries from you after this right?"

err.. not really rick.

ten days into my relationship, and i feel like a wreck. to all you guys out there, i have one advice. if you are entering a relationship for the first time, do yourself a favour and get a normal one. none of this long-distance crap. because seriously, it's hard.

in my previous entry, i wrote about how i couldn't wait to see him. in my mind, all the unsettling feeling that i had would go away once i see him. it's either i would like him, or i wouldn't like him. it turned out that i LOVE him. and i had to leave him again two days after finding out that i love him. and admittedly, the (very sucky) circumstances that i am faced with is not helping me to get this unsettling feeling away. if before i was feeling unsettled, now i think i'm going crazy.
a few days back, he accidentally left his handphone at home for the whole day. i went berserk the whole day. i thought he has lost interest in me and was ready to dump me. when he finally called me, i was so relieved. but it was also then that i realised how insecured i feel in this relationship.

i am not worried about the presence of a third person. i trust him on that. what i am worried about is if this is a litle bit too much for him. because frankly it is a little bit too much for even ME to handle at the moment. me - the reason for this whole long distance arrangement thing. and me - someone who has always tortured myself and deprive myself of things for reasons only known to myself (most of the times, that is. sometimes i don't even know why i do such things). what about him? i can say for sure that he is a much less complicated person that i am. will he be able to take it?

which is why i've been analyzing all his actions. how fast is he responding to my sms-es, the things that he write in his sms-es - everything. from how long the messages are to how many times did he call me sayang. and whether he wrote it as 'sayang' or 'syg' or 'yang' or worse, just 'yg'. because i need to make sure that his interest in me has not diminished. but me being (stupid old) me, i feel the need to question everything. like why did he sms me when he woke up yesterday but not today?

obviously, i have some expectations of his commitment in this relationship. i am willing to devote a whole lot to make this work and i feel like he should be willing to do the same. unfortunately, he has fell short below my expectation level a few times. what i see currently is an inconsistent level of initiative from his part. and this is really confusing me. maybe we both deal with the situation differently. i need to hear from him as much as possible to make up for the distance. maybe that's not the way he deals with it. maybe it's enough for him to know that i love him and he will deal with his 'kerinduan' on his own. which is why he doesn't feel the need to contact me so much. OR maybe he loves me less than i love him. which i think is constantly my greatest fear at the moment.

i'm exhausted. i need help, people.

LETTING MY GUARDS DOWN

2007-12-19T17:34:00.000+04:00

DISCLAIMER: for those of you who personally know me, i'd prefer it if you guys skip this entry. actually, it's for your own good. you might feel extremely nauseated after you finish reading this.

he's 25. the first time we established contact was when he sent me a message on myspace, asking if he can be friends with me (and he threw in some compliments just to indicate that he was interested la i guess). this happened the day after i got back to d*bai after my raya holiday, about 2 months ago. i checked out his profile. very cute (in my opinion la kan). instant attraction. and i scrutinised his page a little bit just to get an indication of the type of person he is. he seemed decent enough. so naturally, i replied.

after exchanging a few messages on myspace, we exchanged ym ids. started chatting on ym after that.. day by day. he works in shifts, which is convenient to the both of us due to the time zone difference (he's in kl btw) and the fact that sometimes they block ym in my office.

we started chatting on ym. being someone who has been doing this online dating thing for the last 2-3 years, there was nothing that really distinguished this guy from the rest of the guys i chatted with (well, except for the fact that i find him extremeeeely cute). he didn't impress me with his canggih choice of words... neither did he charm me with sweet nothings (aiyoo... i cant believe i wrote that. i told you some of you will vomit didn't i?). but bit by bit, i learned to be amazed by his honesty.. and by him. just by being himself.

his honesty struck me when i first ask for his real name (i usually ask for people's name so that i can google them up..hehehe). this was on the 4th or 5th day of chatting kot. he refused to give me his name then. "too soon to tell you". that's what he said. being an (almost) expert on online dating (can i call it that?), i can tell you that nnot many people would give this answer. they either tell the truth, or they'd make up a name for you. once they think that they are prepared to tell you their name, they'll say "actually nama i bukan .... it's actually ....". but his answer, was unheard of before. i was instantly impressed. (anyway now i know his real name la.. and even his ic no. but nothing came up after i googled the name la).

and he is brutally honest when it comes to telling things about himself. there were some unflattering bits about his childhood and even about his life now, but he was never ashamed to tell me about it. being someone who has been blessed with a comparatively better childhood, i learned a few things from his stories. i learned to be more grateful (which i always seem to forget to be) and i learn to admire him. admire him for being able to pull through. and somehow, it made me feel that he deserves to be loved by someone. and i want to be that person (nausea alert)

it is obvious that we lead somewhat different lives. and he may not be the person who i had pictured myself with before. i guess i've learned that the person i had pictured myself may not even exist. even if he exists, he may not be gay. even if he is gay, he may not be available. even if he's available, he may not like me (i can go on forever with this). i've always pictured being with someone who shares the same level of education with me, same level of 'language proficiency' (for lack of a better word), same level of 'economic status' (also for lack of a better word) someone who is stupendously funny and kind but MUCH cuter than me (hehehe). this guy doesn't really fit the aforementioned criterias (i'm writing smses in bahasa melayu sekarang yeee). but after a few years of searching, i think it's time i throw away all these criterias out the wondow and just find someone whom i think deserves me (wahh!!). and (fingers crossed) i think may have found him.

before, i never wrote anything about my current love interests. i always thought that if things don't work out, i would be embarrassed. so i only wrote about relationships which already did not work out when i wrote them (keeping in line with the 'pathetic' theme of my blog). i was holding back. but i have to say that i've changed a little bit now. this current relationship(?) has changed me. i don't hold back so much anymore. once i got rid of the criterias and learned to go with the flow, i learned to be more accepting of the other party. once i became more accepting, i learned to be more honest with my feelings. and expressive with it too. previously, i'd feel geli just to say that "i miss you" to someone. now with him, i say it like 5 times a day. without the slightest feeling of geli. i realised that i may not be as emotionally unavailable as i thought i was (phew). so in the spirit of being expressive and letting my guards down, i am writing this entry.

i'm going back to kl tonite. to my family, i'm using the hari raya haji as a pretext to go home. the truth is, i'm not really going back because of raya haji. i'm going back because i need to see him. i don't think i can do this any longer - having feelings with someone i've never met. it's not the 1950's where you fall in love with a pen pal but you can't do anything about it (at least that's how things were as my mom told me). i'm going back because i just need to see this person who i have been falling for in the last 2 months. the person whom i can't seem to stop thinking about everyday. the person who has given me enough joy that other people started commenting that i look "happier" nowadays.

fingers are crossed. wish me luck.

oh, and selamat hari raya aidiladha

THE DAY THAT I RODE MICHEAL JACKSON

2007-12-03T11:59:00.000+04:00

"what is your name, my friend?" i asked the kid who was manuevring the animal that i was riding on.

"my name is abdulla. and the camel's name is michael jackson." he said non-chalantly.

there i was, riding on michael jackson, trying to absorb what i was seeing in front of my eyes. i looked to my left - it was the pyramids. i looked to my right - more pyramids. amidst the clear blue sky, they look so majestic. in my mind, i kept on saying "chances are, you are not going to see this view again for the rest of your life. so absorb it, goddamnit! absorb!!!" but i didn't know how to absorb it. it was so surreal. and with me riding the camel (while clinging to my life as i held on to the small handle-thing in front of the pedestal) in between the pyramids, the view was just astounding.

the OTHER thing that was going on in my mind was whether the camel owner (the kid's boss) just ripped my off or not. 200 bucks for a 20-minute camel ride? what do these camels eat? caviar?

yeah - i'm in egypt now. it's the first time i've ever stepped foot in africa. i'm in my second league of my company-sponsored holiday (hehehe). since it's the weekend, i decided to do what every single visitor to this country must do (or forever hold their peace) - visit the pyramids. since i'm alone here, i decided to engage a tour guide to help me with my little adventure. spoke to the concierge last night and requested him to arrange for a tour guide. "make sure he's very good in english ok?" i said (i realised that the people in this country may not be as proficient in english as the people in lebanon, or dubai for that matter. so there was a need to stress that point). "yes, sir. of course".

so today exactly at 8.30 (i'm always punctual, i don't know why i'm ranked no. 6th as "the most punctual" in facebook! tipu betul) i went down to the lobby. i was hoping to meet a handsome young man who would be paying 100% attention to me (i arranged for a private one-to-one tour guide), guiding me to the tricks and turns of the city and the pyramids. but instead, what greeted me, was a handsome young woman. ceh..

so off we went to the first destination - the egptian museum. there was a whole lot of people there (which was a stark contrast from my visit to the lebanese museum where there had more staff than visitors). this place looked like jusco on a jcard day! most of the people came in groups (there was actually a group from malaysia, who looked like they were trying so hard to appear intelligent for no apparent reason) and accompanied by a tour guide. i on the other hand, looked like i was on a date with an egyptian chick.

the egytian chick's name, by the way, is margo. she was by far the prettiest tour guide in the museum. and she appeared quite knowledgeable too (she told me to be a certified tour guide in egypt, one needs to take a 4-year course. gila kan?). the only problem was, she spoke english with a very thick arabic accent that you really need to strain your ears and pay attention to understand what she says. whenever she spoke, i had to look at another direction and really concentrate to pick up what she was talking about. penat ok? and to make things worse, since i do not speak english with a arabic accent, she had a problem understanding me! so much for my special request kan..

the museum was interesting enough to me. it would have been a lot more interesting if a had more interest in history. the problem is i had very little interest in history, especially ancient history. i mean, how do we know that what the experts interpreted are actually true? could it be that the dudes back in ancient egypt just wanted to play a prank on us (the future civilisation) by inscripting purely bogus stories on the monuments? just because tutankhamun had a hole in his skull, does that mean he was killed because someone banged his head with a hard object? couldn't he have died from an overdose of viagra and THEN had his skull punctured for some unknown reason? if it could happen in csi, it could happen in ancient egypt ok?

but even with all the skepticism and ear-straining, i did learn quite a few things about ancient egypt (but i'm also quite sure that i'm going to forget most of it in a couple of years' time). so knowing that my memory may not able to serve me well in the later years, i concentrated on things that would be able to serve me a longer. that's right, photos. i took lots and lots of photos in the trip. and margo became my victim. she must be cursing inside (maybe even out loud - i wouldn't know. i couldn't understand her), but she pretty much obliged. unfortunately, she's not a very good photographer. i made her take SIX shots in front of the sphinx because she kept slicing the sphinx's head in the photo.

all in all, it felt like one of my dreams coming true. ok la.. maybe not a dream. just a vision. i had always wanted to visit the pyramids, had my photo taken with the pyramids as the background. and now i've done it. but it would have been much better if i had a friend accompanying me in the trip to share the experience. AND if i had a better tour guide. AND if i had not been conned by the camel guy (just found out from a friend that he paid HALF of what i paid for his camel ride a few months back). THEN it would have been perfect.

PAS DE NOUVELLE, BONNE NOUVELLE

2007-11-22T17:35:00.000+04:00

it's always a serious affair reading the newspaper here in lebanon. first of all, it's bloody expensive. it costs around rm5 (it has only 10 pages). it's so different in d*bai where the newspaper costs barely rm2 and but is insanely thick (most of it is because of the adverts on property).

the newspaper in lebanon does not have a sports section. it does not have a cartoon section (except for he occasional political sketches). it does not even have an entertainment page (it does have an arts and culture page though, which contains very sophisticated (read: incomprehensible) articles discussing art in its various form) so you won't be able to know britney spears' latest misdemeanour by reading this newspaper. most of the news are rather intense. apart from the current domestic political turmoil, the crisis in israel, palestine and iraq are always covered in detail (mostly due to the fact that lebanon is geographically very close to these places).

so for the past few days, i've been starting my day with a very intense session of newspaper reading as i have my breakfast (i'm starting to get tired of the breakfast served at the hotel btw. the serve the exact same spread EVERY FREAKING DAY. suruh buat kuey teow goreng pun diorg tak reti. eheh). but since there are no sales adevertisements or light-hearted news to divert my attention to, i have been reading these news. the good thing is that i'm getting a better understanding of what's happening in these places - which made me realise that i have taken peace and political stability in my home country for granted. i guess many malaysians born after 1969 feel the same way.

anyway, apart from the unbelivably thin newspaper, i've been checking out some other reading materials available in this country. the hotel that i stay in is very near to one of the famous uni's in the city. so understandably there are quite a few bookshops around. bookshops, and cute college guys (i was walking with my manager the first time a checked out the neighbourhood. i was astounded by the beautiful creatures walking past me that i just had to say something. i wanted to say "aiyooooooo... meletopssssss" but i couldn't. she doesn't understand malay, and she thinks i'm str8. so all i could say was "wow... college chicks!". lame, i know. well, she bought it anyway. she said that she's worried about me being here for 3 weeks). the bookshops, apart from having many cute lebanese guys as customers, has a very wide selection of books on lebanon. not only the boring history stuff, but also fiction which were inspired by the country. love stories during the civil war.. diary of a young girl during the civil war (yeah this sounds like a rip off). but amidst those books, this one particular book caught me eye (naturally):

i was like "whooaaaaaaaaa! i haven't seen this in d*bai!"

needless to say, i bought it. not just because stimulating (eheh) cover, but also because it would be an interesting read. and there's a possibility that the book can tell me where are the major pick up points in the middle east (:P). so, with all my might, i picked up the book and marched to the cashier (holding the book near to my chest with the cover inwards). even with all the effort to avoid a pecah lobang situation, i just couldn't hide it from the cashier. fortunately it was a girl. or was it unfortunately? i don't know.

so now, my mornings are spent reading on the depressions faced by the people in this part of the world. and my nights are spent reading about the torture of the plu's in this part of the world. holistic view sangat kan? hehehe.

BONJOUR DE BEYROUTH

2007-11-20T14:37:00.000+04:00

greetings from beirut everyone! i've wanted to write earlier (which is the case most of the time), but i just couldn't find the time too - i've been busy appreciating the view (read: men) here. i've been here for more than a week now, and i've fallen in love with like a few hundred men here (unrequited, of course). i fell in love with like 10 men before i passed the immigration area (and yes, i fell in love with the guy at the immigration counter too.. hehe). i also fell in love with the hotel pick-up driver, the bell boy, the front office guy, the housekeeping guy, the waiter at the coffee house.. you get the drift.

basically, the people here are gorgeous. the women, especially, are drop dead gorgeous (alamak str8 nya statement nih..heheh). it must be depressing being a not-so-gorgeous girl in this country (for men it's not so bad because having money can make you attractive and appealing to women).

and the place is just as gorgeous as the people. it's charming. it's funny that even when the buildings are berkulat and the paint has faded and the footpaths are covered with overgrown grass.. they still look raher perfect. and the fact that my hotel room window overlooks the mediterranean sea may have affected my opinion on the place. it's gorgeous.

despite all the gorgeousness, it's not really a pleasant place to visit at the moment. you see, i've never been interested in world history and world politics. but since i waas going to visit this place, i had to force myself to read about the political situation in the country (blearghh). anyway, right now, there is some political tension here. they are supposed to elect a new president and they need to do it before 23 nov as per their constitution (they have a president AND a prime minister). but they can't seem to agree on a candidate. once the president is chosen, then only they can have the election. the president, based on the constitution needs to be a maronite christian (someone from the church. by the way, they have power sharing thing going on - something like sarawak). but until now, they can't agree on a candidate. don't bother asking the lebanese to get a better understanding of the whole thing. they don't even care. they hate all their politicians. they just want to get on with their life. they don't want another civil war.

if you walk around the city of beirut, you'll see (gorgeous) military personnel everywhere. it does look a bit scary. but the local people look like they are used to this. they are carrying out their daily lives as normal as they can, living in their bullet-hole-visible apartments (which, by the way, are still charming). my colleague got scared of the whole scenario that he decided to just stay inside the hotel the whole of last weekend. but i'm not gonna let a few thousand men in military uniform stop me from wandering outside (eheh). so i walked around beirut last saturday with a beirut map in my hand. checked out the mall and wandered around the city. went to the national museum (which was so grandeur, except for the fact that they were like 7 visitors there including myself). but thanks to my woosy friend, i didn't have anyone to take photos of myself around the city. takleh nak letak kat facebook. hmph.

unlike dubai, they don't really have that many asians in this place. so they do make a double-take when they see you. but just like dubai, malaysians like me are always faced with an identity crisis. a few days ago, while i was walking by the roadside, a kid (he's about 12) shouted from a car "ARE YOU CHINESEEE?? I LOVE CHINESEEEEE!!!!" after that he went on to make some noise which i think was some kung fu fighting sound effects.

and that's not the only time this happened ok? last weekend, as i got out from the cab at the mall entrance, 2 teenage boys said "koniciwa" at me and smirked. malas nak explain... so i just said "koniciwa" back. heheh.

well, i'm glad that they find me amusing in this part of the world. but i'm still waiting for an older guy to mistake me for a chinese or a japanese or a korean so that i can correct him. and more. hehehehe...

ok need to stop writing now. ngantuk.., part two coming up soon...

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING (POLITICALLY) EARNEST

2007-11-05T23:40:00.000+04:00

k ok.. i'm gonna get a little bit political in this entry. but you guys have to read it anyway - i don't care. it's important. eheh..

as some of you may know, i am currently commuting to work by carpooling with a fellow colleague. we work for the same department and he's from india. i am currently spending almot 4 hours sitting next to him everyday.. bracing the horrendous d*bai traffic together. he's like my new best friend (except for the fact that he's not). so since we have a lot of idle time together in the car, we've been talking. we've been talking about a lot of things. basically about his country, about my country and about d*bai. being a fellow masyarakat msia yg majmuk, i know a considerable lot about india.. at least the pop culture. and i know a little bit of bollywood too (which has never failed to amuse him). the other day the old song from bobby was on air (oh yeah i'm also listening to almost 4 hours of hindi music on a daily basis. matila lepas ni tampal poster abishek bachan kat bilik!) so i sang a long. that got him amused.

*gasps* "you know this song?"
"yeah..it's from bobby right?"
*double gasps*

i guess i have my mom to thank for this.

anyway one of the things that we talked about during our long journey from work was of course politics (sounds so grown up kan? well i am 27 already you know). as you guys know, i have my reservations about the political situation in the country. too many unintelligent people running it. unintelligent people with the worst of hearts. apparently he feels the same way about the politicians in his country. fine. but after that he asked me about freedom of media. i told him about what i know. you know - mainstream media is usually government controlled, newspapers need to renew their license every year, ISA. he was surprised to hear this. it's not the same in india. freedom of media is highly upheld over there. and i got surprised upon hearing that.

maybe it's just me, but i always assume that media censorship is normal in third world countries. apparently i am wrong. india doesn't practice it. suddenly i feel an increased level of respect for that country (although i still think the flag is a colour combination disaster).

how can we grow to become a glamer and meletopss country with media censorship? i don't think we can. media censorship and control surpresses information. it also makes the ruling government less liable for its actions or wrongdoings. this lack of accountability has already causing so much inefficiencies at the cost of the public funds. maybe i can illustrate this better be providing you with an example:

whenever i pass by a government school back home (you know, with it's cheapo windows, basic design, pasu bunga 2 ringgit placed in front of all the tiangs) it always get me thinking - how would the school would really look like of all the budgets were properly used? if no blowing up of prices and contracts were involved in the process? if there is no need to rebuild to computer labs which roof has fell down due to sub standards quality. i can guarantee that these schools would look much better and have better facilities. mcm skolah dlm high school musical tu... barula adek2 semua boleh nak feeling2 jadik zac. skarang ni boleh feeling zed zaidy dlm sembilu 2005 je la. hahahah.

right now, i've been reading msia today (the website) frequently. i only started reading it about 2 months ago. my sister has once asked me whether i read it and i said no. she asked why. i said, "i will only be interested if i think that i can do something about the matter" (kekwat kan?) at that point, ignorance was bliss. i know that the site contains all sorts of crap but what can i do about it, right? i'm only one (fabulous) person.

but one day, i decided to check the site out. and i've been checking it out regularly now. i'm not saying that whatever being said there is correct. but it provides you with a different source of information apart from the mainstream media. the mainstream media may or may not be lying to us, but we all know there's a lot of withholding of information which currently taking place. and knowledge, is power.

so for those of you who have not checked out the site, do give it try - even if you are not a fan of politics. i'm not a fan of politics either but i don't think ignoring it is the way to go. because the reality is it's affecting us, no matter how much we would like to avoid it. and since it's affecting us, we should do something about it.

life as a plu doesn't really need to be so self-focused, you know. sure, we have problems of our own (which has already taken up so much of our thinking time). but nonetheless, we are still citizens of this country. we are as much as responsible for it as the next straight guy (with the presumably bad tie-shirt colour coordination). it's not all about looking good and buying expensive stuff to look better. we pay taxes too (although, at the moment i don't. hehehe). we deserve to ascertain that it's being spent in the most efficient manner. we need to make sure that the money is spent in the best ways for the future generation - for our kids (or at least our nephews and nieces). kan? kan? kan?

there's something going on this saturday. some perarakan thing. you can read about it on the website. if i was in kl, i'd most definitely go. i saw the clips on the bar council's peace walk in putrajaya last month and i was so touched by it. wished that i was part of it. some people said that they were all syok sendiri and the government won't listen to them. well, we need just need tp be optimistic and believe that it will work because from believe, there will be hope. for those of you who believe, do take part in the perarakan. unless if you have an open house that day. then you don't need to go. god knows picking out an outfit for the open house is already too much of a challenge as it is. mana ada time nak gi perarakan kan?

hehehe... sorry la. sarcastic tak bertempat. i'm just disgruntled because i don't get to go to the open houses back home.. uwaaa...

POST-HOLIDAY DEPRESSION

2007-10-23T01:14:00.000+04:00

i'm back in d*bai.

sheesh.

i always feel lousy whenever i have to come back here, but this time around i feel a lot lousier. maybe because i was in the middle of the raya mood, and suddenly everything i was rudely interrupted. time was up. time to come back to this country

this raya has been a good one for me. no major dramas (minor dramas definitely ada la.. after all it's MY family). but overall, it was good. all my siblings were at home on the first day and we spent time taking group photos (without my parents though, since they were out beraya at my uncle's place) of the 7 of us. the photographers - my 14 year old nephew and 13 year old niece. and the had to take the shots while making sure the younger nephews and nieces stayed out of the pictures. quite hilarious actually.. hehehe.

it was also a good raya because my baju melayu and sampin looked nice (boleh ke ni? well in the spirit of honesty kan... :P). and since the last time many of my relatives saw me was almost 2 years ago, i did receive some nice comments from them (i've lost a bit of weight la since 2 years ago..). kembang kempis la jugak hidung kena puji hari tu.. heheh.

but everything needs to come to an end. being an unconfirmed employee, everything has to end sooner than most people. i was practically dragging my feet to board the plane... thinking of how much fun it would be if i was able to stay longer. or if i didn't have to come back at all. actually thought of giving a 24-hour notice and pack up and leave the first day i was in the office (it was just a thought la... i'm not that spontaneous of a person. i plan almost everything). but luckily things started to look up a little bit in the afternoon. i found out that i'll be travelling to lebanon and egypt for three weeks next month for work. finally - an overseas assignment (i know i work in d*bai, but that doesn't count. i'm based here). i've never been sent for overseas assignments before. somehow being sent overseas for work is like a validation that your expertise is needed and valued so highly that they need to bring you in to their country for your expertise (it could also mean that since audit is based in the HQ, they don't have any auditors based in the overseas offices. but what i said earlier sounds more canggih. so i'm sticking to that.. eheh). i've been wanting to have this opportunity for the longest time. and now i'm finally getting it. feels quite good actually (over je kan? i don't even know if i'm going to do a good job there)

oh yeah, there was another thing that lifted up my mood a little bit yesterday. my platinum credit card has arrived. when i was younger, i have thought about whether i'd be able to get a platinum card and when would i get it. i now have the answer. 27. not bad la kan. and since i'm paying 600 a year on annual fees, i think i deserve some bragging rights in my blog. kan? kan? kan? hahaha..

habisla lepas ni everytime buat credit card payment kena tunjuk id. they are very discriminating towards fil*pino-looking blokes like me over here you know.

stupid country.

p.s: i actually missed the blog's second anniversary. it was a few days before the raya. i was busy with some stuff. nonetheless, happy birthday blog!

C'EST EID !

2007-10-10T22:18:00.000+04:00

i just realised that the last 4 ramadhans were spent in 4 different companies! i don't know whether i should be appeased by that fact or not - but hey that is something isn't it? and all i can say is each ramadhan posed its own challenges.

this particular ramadhan has been a trying one for me. with the new job that's so so far away from my apartment, to be able to break fast at home is quite a challenge. i had my iftar in the car (not my car - a colleague's) for the past 3 days. bukak puasa with that durian candy which i keep in my office. i'd reach home usually around 30 minutes after iftar and when i reach home, i need to prepare my food. had maggi mee for iftar more than a couple of times (suddenly working overseas doesn't sound so glamourous huh? well i never said it was. that must be some other blog). but it's ok. i'm quite used to the hardship in ramadhan. when i was auditing back in kl in 2003, i spent most of the ramadhan nights that year in a factory in shah alam, breaking fast at the factory canteen alone (i was the only muslim in the team). we had an assignment with a tight deadline that required us to stay back every night. oh but i was more dramatic and emotional back then.. heheh.

anyway, i hope syawal this year will be good for me. all this excitement about going home - i hope it's worth it. i hope that i'll have a good time meeting and catching up my family and friends. ALL my siblings will be spending the first day of raya in ipoh this year. i don't really remember when was the last time this happened. and i hope to spend more time with my older relatives (we never know when their time will come.. or when MY time will come for that matter. but i have lost a few close relatives since i started working here). and i hope i'll find my true love this syawal too (tetiba je nih kan? heheheh. well, fyi i'm meeting up with a few.. potentials. so wish me luck.)

to everyone who's reading, i wish you a very very blessed and vogue eid. i'm sorry if i (either in person or through my writing) have offended any of you guys in anyway. i may have offended you knowingly (as i can be nasty at times) or unknowingly (as i can be insensitive at other times). but in any case, maaf zahir dan batin ek?

now there's a few people less that i need to send raya sms to.... hahahah.

LEARNING FROM THE CUTE DOCTORS

2007-09-25T00:05:00.000+04:00

i've been watching a lot of hospital-themed tv series (for lack of a better term) lately. well, not really a lot - just couple. house and grey's anatomy, to be exact. and watching these shows, albeit for entertainment purposes, has taught me quite a few things really.

first of all, i learn that there are a lot of cute doctors in america. so i've decided, when i'm rich enough, and if i need medical attention, i know where i should be flying to (eheh). secondly, i also learned that being a doctor is actually a very tough job.

you see, the current job assignment that i have requires me to do something that i have never been particularly good at - financial auditing (i'm not gonna bore you with the details of my job - did i see you yawning already? hmph). i hate it. and because i hate it, i suck at it. even when i was in school i sucked at it. so i'm struggling a little bit with a new job. it's a bit tough because you know that you need to impress your boss in your first assignment. and because of this, i am required to work a little bit harder at work. it takes a lot of effort to force yourself to do something that you suck at historically. and i'm not sure if i have been very successful at it. and that's why, albeit the bountiful-ness of eye candies in my workplace, i've been somehow dragging myself to work.

but watching these shows made me realise that i actually have it quite easy. being a doctor (i'm referring to those real-life doctors, not mcdreamy) is a lot worse than being an internal auditor who is forced to do external audit stuff (i just gave away my job haven't i. damn). i mean, you can never slack (you can but the consequences can be fatal to someone), you are required to make decisions even when you are not sure it's the correct decision, you need to deal with deaths, and (most importantly) you are subjected to wear those non-flattering OT uniform (heheh). and not all of them are making good money (especially back home). a good friend of mine is actually working as a doctor in one of the public hospitals. he is one of the smartest, wisest friends that i know. cute pulak tu. macam nak jatuh cinta je. i would lepak with him a lot whenever i go back, and everytime i go back i never failed to be amazed by him. amazed by how well he is managing his job. i would have died from the pressure of being a doctor (actually i would have died from having to study for 7 years to get a medical degree). but he's being really cool about it. he actually complains less about his job than i do about mine (but that's no surprise is it? i think i complain more than most people i know..heheh)

the other thing that i've learned from these shows (especially house, since the show features some really weird stuff) is that i should be grateful for being considerably healthy, even though i'm only 27. it's true, we always take our health for granted especially when we are young. it's like it's our birth right to be healthy. unfortunately, for some it's not. and for that, i am grateful that i am one of the fortunate ones.

who said that watching tv is a waste of time?

p.s: my ticket has been confirmed. yey!

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 12 SEPTEMBER AND 20 SEPTEMBER?

2007-09-17T21:22:00.000+04:00

A: 12 september is the deadline when i was supposed to purchase my flight ticket to go back for this raya. 20 september is the date in which i THOUGHT was the deadline when i was supposed to purchase my flight ticket to go back for this raya.

which is why, when i call the airline today, they couldn't find my name on the list.

which is also why, now not only is the ticket price has increased by a hundred bucks (it's still money ok!), i am now on WAITING LIST for RAYA!!!

apparently, 27 is the age when you start to get confused with numbers..

SO HOW WAS IT THIS TIME AROUND?

2007-09-16T22:28:00.000+04:00

overall, it was good birthday, considering the circumstances. it was ramadhan, and i was in a different country. had a mini celebration with my close friends over here (thanks for the cake guys.. and thanks for dragging yourself out to celebrate with me eventhough i know everyone was tired on the first day of puasa). blew the candle. wished to finally have a boyfriend this year. then gasped at the fact that i actually wished for something like that at 27 (at 27, wishing for a good career or god's blessing in life would be more appropriate). oh well, what's done is done.

got a few (i'm being modest here) birthday wishes from friends and family throughout the day. made me realise that i actually do have quite a few friends which i have made throughout my life that i am still in touch with. ex-classmates, ex-colleagues (from 6 companies by the way). it's a good feeling to know that although i have moved on, i still remain friends with them. in my earlier post, i may have complained a little bit about meeting lots of friends whenever i go back home and still feel empty. now i realise that it's the effort made to still see these friends everytime i go back that helps maintain the friendships (which is not something that is easy to do, isn't it?) . and i shouldn't belittle all these friendships. because these friendships are the things that have kept me going so far.

but i have to admit, among all the messages that i received on that day, one of them really made my day. and it's not even a birthday message. and not even from anyone i know. it was a myspace message from a stranger:

"Muke u cm lead singer samson...cute...take care"

(pengsan kan? hahaha)

yeah, he might be the most disillusioned person in the world but hey, he made my day. and the birthday boy deserves to be happy ok? even if it means playing along with some other people's disillusionment.

and flirting with the guy. eheh.

AS IT APPROACHES..

2007-09-12T07:03:00.000+04:00

age is nothing but a number, they say. but this particular number can sometimes stir all sorts of emotions in people. especially when the number is about to increase by another notch. And that’s what’s happening to me now. my emotions are rather stirred at the moment.

27. twenty-seven, dua puluh tujuh. saba’atun wa’ashrun (i had to google for this. i only know how to count until ten in arabic..hehe). vingt-sept. no matter how i say it, it just sounds the same. it sounds OLD (eheh).

i remember when i was 20, i had a premature mid-life crisis. i was moving away from being a teenager and i was already reaching the age of adulthood. when i read the newspaper, instead of writing “seorang remaja berumur 20 tahun”, they wrote “seorang lelaki berumur 20 tahun”. i got frightened. i wasn’t ready to be an adult. it became a big matter of concern for a while. But i knew why i was feeling that way. there were so many things that other 20 year olds have done which i had not done at the time. things that only teenagers can do. so, it felt like time was running out for me.

the exact same feeling has surfaced once again now. although most people would consider 30 as a significant milestone and would start freaking out at 29, as someone who is very forward thinking with a very good foresight, i’ve decided to freak out now (hahaha). at 27, there are some things that i have yet to do or experience. like bungee jumping in new zealand (yeah, right) or singing at the royal albert hall (sitti did it at 25 ok? hehehe ). no la, i’m talking about things in the relationship department (which you guys don’t want to hear again) and some other things. plus, i don't really act like a 26-year old half of the time. (i mean, how many people my age would buy the high school musical dvd and watch it for 3 nights in a row the first time he bought it?). how can i be 27?

and what's more - this time, my birthday will be on the first day of ramadhan. i can't even remember the last time i celebrated my birthday during ramadhan (arithmetically, it would have been when i was 1 or 2 year old, i think). so i'm a bit clueless as to how does one celebrate his birthday in the month of ramadhan. how does one do it? (btw, i just received a mailer from red box about a 'ramadhan promotion'. buffet plus 3 hours of 'room usage'. i got confused a little bit. what would the rooms be used for? semayang terawih ke? hehehe). perhaps i can do a double celebrations thingy. but these two occasions are usually celebrated rather differently, so how shall i fuse them together? but whatever it is, i hope that my first day of ramadhan will be better than last year's .. and my birthday.. will not be so bad.

anyway, to everyone, have a blessed ramadhan, ok? cheers!

HOLLOW INSIDE

2007-09-10T22:55:00.000+04:00

i actually went back for a while last month before i started this new job (i’m sorry if i didn’t contact some of you guys while i was there). did the usual routine of KL-Ip*h-KL-Ip*h-KL (which was quite tiring, as usual). Caught up with my old friends and colleagues. met up with a few new ones (maybe they’re not really friends la… but I don’t really know what to call them). the usual. had my trips to satay kajang and red box (TWICE). the usual. caught up with my brothers and sisters and my anak2 buah. the usual. felt incredibly tired (from too many outings) and lousy the last few days of my break (at the thought of having to come back here). the usual. felt terribly sad and alone because even after meeting all the people that i love and care about, i still feel alone because i don't have a special someone, just for me. the FREAKING usual.

of course, i had fun catching up with my friends and family. and i’d much rather be in M'sia than in d*bai at any given time (even if KL was flooded and it was the cooling winter in d*bai at that time). but it feels a little bit empty not having someone special to spend time with. actually, every time i go back, i would go back with a little hope that things would be different 'this time around'. that something would happen. that somehow, in a possibly freaky way, i would meet someone and things would hit off. but in the end, it doesn't happen. i’d return to d*bai feeling more lonely and more miserable than before because what i wished for did not come true. there would always be that time at the airport, when i'd be waiting to board the plane, and i'd look back at what i've done the whole time i was back home. the trip would be eventful, but i'd still feel empty.

a friend (you know who you are) left me an offline message the other day asking me if i had listened to the new anuar zain song. he said that it’s his current theme song. i hadn’t heard it at the time, so i quickly youtubed and listened to it. i was overwhelmed with sadness after listening to it. not because it’s terribly touching or anything. but because i (unlike most other ‘lelaki’) am not able to relate to the song. i can’t make it my theme song. not only don’t I have anyone at the moment, i've never even had anyone whom i’ve had a significant relationship with anyone EVER (except for the few heterosexual relationships which i don't think qualify under this category). how many other 27-year-olds can make the same the statement? (apart from you, sizzlingmee. you are 28, btw. now put down your hand :P). not many, i’m sure.

btw, how much does an anak ikan cost these days?

just a thought. eheh..

p.s: birthday is coming soon. expect the usual 'anniversary' entry.. hehehe

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY

2007-09-10T07:33:00.000+04:00

quite a few things have changed since i last posted an entry here. at that time of my last entry, i was still working in my old company (yes, i've job-hopped again), sharifah amani was still bald (as SOMEONE pointed out) and i was still without a partner (oh wait, THAT has still not changed *sigh*). now, i'm actually entering a new phase in my life as i am starting a new job (which i hope will be a positive step towards achieving that elusive job satisfaction) and with this new job, more changes are required.

i had wanted to post something along the way. in fact, i have drafted a few entries to be posted. but the thing is, i wasn't able to complete them. and you know how my entries tend to be somewhat 'elaborate' (eheh). so the result - a 2-month (unplanned) hiatus. for you guys who have been checking out my blogs for updates and were disappointed (if these people actually exist la - i dunno. i don't dare to open my webstats anymore. i don't think i can handle the truth) i'm sorry and i really appreciate the gesture. i hope with this post, i'll be able to get you guys up to speed about what has been happening (if you guys are interested, that is. but then again, who isn't? hahaha).

ok, first off – my new job. i didn’t really plan for this to happen. i have already told myself that i was just going to complete 2 years in this country and go back to kl for good after that. this means that i should be back home hitting the floors of l* queen on a weekly basis starting from february 2008 onwards.

but it seems like l* queen will have to wait a little longer for me (lucky for them,i think).

about 2 months ago, my ex-colleague called up to tell me about an opening in his company and asked me if i was interested. he works for a company which is involved in an industry which i am genuinely interested in (i remember feeling a little jealous when he first got his job there earlier this year). the fact that the company is in this particular industry that i like (and also the fact that i can’t resist any possible opportunity for a job interview) prompted me to go for an interview. and alhamdulillah, my streak of successful interviews continued. i got the job.

it took a little less time for me to decide whether or not i should take this job as compared to the last job offer that i got earlier this year. for one thing, the situation at the old company was becoming more and more unbearable, especially with this new joiner who i can’t seem to get along well with (it seems like i have a problem with just about everyone doesn’t it? but believe me, it’s not me – it’s them. hahaha). plus, after rejecting the job offer earlier this year (from a company of the SAME industry) due to some reasons, i think that i am actually given a second chance to pursue my dream career. and the fact that i’ll have the opportunity to travel overseas for assignments in this new job doesn’t hurt at all :). the only downside is that i might need to delay my plan to go back to m’sia for just a bit. and in terms of remuneration, although i am getting an increment from my old salary, effectively i am getting slightly lesser disposable income as this new job is located in the part of the city where houses are freaking expensive (to give you an idea – to rent a STUDIO APARTMENT here would cost around RM6.5k a MONTH. i’m not kidding). my dad isn’t really happy about this job because of this fact (and the fact that it’s in this particular industry that he really isn’t fond of). but despite this, i decided to take up this job. why? because money really isn’t everything. and i think i owe myself this second chance (although it means that i’m going against my parents’ wish). well, this is not really the first time i’m doing this. they should get used to it by now… eheh.

so now here i am, currently sitting in my new cubicle in my new company (blogging away during working hours – hebat kan?). i hope things will work out well for me here. but even if it doesn’t, i wouldn’t be crushed. at least i have given myself the chance. i can just pack up and go home (something that a part of me really wants to do). insyallah, there’ll be opportunities for me back home too. so i guess we'll see how it goes from here..

oh btw, there’s plenty of eye-candy over here in this new company. it’s like i’m working among supermodels (or mannequins, when they are not moving) and the like around here. just across where i’m seated, there’s this middle eastern guy who looks every bit like one of those models in fashion tv. and he dresses like one too. on one day, he was wearing a super tight black t-shirt with this pair of super tight black pants (this is an acceptable dress code in my company – i guess due to the industry that the company is in). today, he’s wearing a full suit (which, may I add, is in perfect colour co-ordination). sesuatuh? not really. apparently, everyone dresses like a plu here. plus, he has a photo of a baby girl as his screen saver. so i’m guessing no. but even he is sesuatuh, i don’t think it’ll affect me in any way at all (unless if he has a thing for asian guys, which i don’t think is the case here).

and no, i’m not gonna take his photo and post it over here. forget it.

p.s: another entry coming up tomorrow. i’m trying to somehow make up for my 'inactivity' :P

A BALDING PROBLEM

2007-07-09T22:24:00.000+04:00

ok, i know this thing is a little bit 'basi' already. but i want to talk about the issue on this "artis wanita membotakkan kepala" for a bit.

i'm not really a big fan of her. so my views are probably going to be quite objective. i am just looking at this from a logical point of view. they say that it's haram for her to do that. and i agree. i learned about the whole "haram lelaki mcm pompuan and vice versa" back in school. but before she shaved her head, she was not covering her hair. isn't that haram also? why wasn't she (and siti nurhaliza for that matter) criticised for not covering their heads? why wasn't there a news article that says: "haram artis wanita mendedahkan rambut" or "perbuatan siti nurhaliza tidak memakai tudung adalah haram"? what's haram is haram la kan? why are we being so double-standard about this?

sebabnya orang melayu kita ni suka gelabah tak tentu hala. we see something out of the norm, we automatically become uncomfortable and get this unexplainable anxiety attack. we become jittery. then like a bunch of brainless maniacs, we start condemning.

i'm not saying that what she did is right. what i'm questioning is the way we are reacting over this issue. people are doing haram things left, right and centre. i might be wrong, but dosa tinggalkan sembahyang 1 waktu is probably more than a woman shaving her head bald. if we are condeming her acts from a religious point of view, i think the way we are reacting is a little bit hypocritical. but if it's not from a religious point of view, from what other point of view are we condemning her?

the way how most of us are reacting over this matter tells a lot about us as malays. i'm not trying to come off as mr. smarty-pants or holier-than-thou, but the truth of the matter is such. there is a fundamental problem within our society that's stopping us from progressing further. we are not really doing so well as a race you know? we are very neither here nor there (myself included). why is there such a big resistance towards change? because we need to preserve what we have right now? is what we have right now so great?

i don't think so at all.

SOMEWHAT RELIEVED

2007-06-21T00:22:00.000+04:00

when i called my dad to wish him happy father's day last sunday, i asked him to get my brother to call me once he finds out which university does he get accepted to. and yesterday, he called.
he got accepted to unimas (s'wak). m*chanical engineering. his third choice. he sounded happy about it (which is weird because usually it's very difficult to sense any emotion from him because he always seem to live in his own little worry-free world and speak in a monotone). but i think i know why he is happy. he is finally getting his freedom. his secondary school, albeit a full residential school, was in ip*h. his matriculation centre was also in ip*h. now he gets to breakaway. and cross the south china sea while he's at it.

i have to say that i am relieved to hear that. and most of all, i think my dad is quite relieved as well. now that he has gotten himself in a university, there's only one task left - to make sure that he gets out of it with a decent degree. but him being in kuching will make monitoring a little bit difficult for my dad. let's just hope that he has the same unsurmountable level of self-control as his elder brother eh? *wink* then he'll be fine...

i asked him what did our mom say about this. he said that our mom has started to give him about 50 advice already and they all start with the word JANGAN. "like what?" i asked.

"jangan keluar malam"
"jangan drive kereta kawan"
"jangan kawan dengan orang sarawak" (no offense, guys)

classic mak. amusing, as always.

oh and i'm sure my brother will be breaking at least 49 of those rules. i know i did. hehehe.

SOME NEWS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST...

2007-06-12T23:56:00.000+04:00

i don't know whether you guys have heard about this or not, but some countries in the middle east were hit by a hurricane last week. gonu. oman and iran were badly hit with some casualties. here in the uae, the effect were reduced to some destruction of properties in some coastal areas (oh, and i was not able to order fish for dinner the other day because there was some shortage of supply. all the fishermen here stayed away form the sea for a couple of days). but now everything is back to normal. i sympathise for the people of oman though. things don't look so good over there.

p.s: for more information and pics, go to here

AND WHILE I WAS CHECKING OUT THE NEWS FROM BACK HOME...

2007-06-12T23:47:00.000+04:00

i came across this one article. the title reads:

saya akan jadi lebih jantan – Azwan Ali

and below the title was this photo:

terpengsan sekejap.

p.s: i SINCERELY apologise if this photo will cause you to have nightmares later :P

YOU HAVE MY BLESSING (I THINK)

2007-06-08T15:39:00.000+04:00

so he got married again. and judging from the physical, it looks like he does have a preference over a certain type of physical appearance in women. i don't know whether to find it amusing or impressive. i think i'll go with amusing.

actually, he has managed to amuse me quite a lot since he took over the position a few years back. i have to say that i'm not really a fan of his. i was, in the beginning. but after that one disappointment came after another. and now all i wish for is that he does not embarrass himself in front of his peers by talking nonsense in front of them. because he, in a way, represents me. he represents us. that comes with his job. and so far, i can't say that he has done a good job representing us.

when i first heard that he was getting married, i went "haiyooooooo!!" and slapped my forehead (i really do this sometimes, seriously) . i found it unacceptable that he wants to get married when he is being criticised left and right about his substandard performance in his job. it's like when you are a bachelor and you want to get married even before you get a stable job (wait... i realise that most of you guys may not be able to relate to this analogy cos most of you dread the idea of getting married right? hahaha). being someone who has been able to supress my feelings or desire for companionship in order to address a more pressing matter (wow, i actually sound like i'm proud of it), his decision to get married is really seen as immature to me.

but after a while, i realised that i should not expect so much from this guy. i guess we can already establish much earlier that he is not a great person. he does not ooze greatness. he's just a normal guy. and a normal guy feels lonely sometimes without companion, regardless of what position he holds. and because of that, i've decided to bless his marriage (not that he is asking for it or anything). so here it is. selamat pengantin baru. may the marriage provide you with the necessary 'stimulants' for you to do a better job. and please do a better job.

THIS IS MY NOWWWW!!!

2007-05-27T19:33:00.000+04:00

note: the title has got nothing to do with the entry. saja je feeling2 jordin sparks sekejap... hahaha

my younger brother just got his matriculation results a few days back. and it's not really that good.

being the last one in the family, everyone was eager for his results. mostly because he is the only who is still studying (which makes him the only one in the family who are taking exams thus making him the only one in a 'structured' competition with other people. to my family, it's all about competition.. and winning) . although all of us want him to perform, i can't help but feel that some of my siblings are secretly enjoying his less than flattering results. like my elder brother, who is taking this opportunity to compare how HE did in university even when he was not provided with facilities which my younger brother has enjoyed. or my sister, who seems to have a talent of kicking you when you are down with her snide remarks. but for me, i really really wanted to do well for this exam. because i know what could be the consequences of not scoring in this matriculation exam. and because i know how badly my dad wants to put my younger brother, his last child, through university. i know that it would give him a tremendous feeling of relief if he is able to do that.

when i went back last march, i had a talk with my brother. a g*yman-to-man talk (hehehe). i told him to really really work hard for the exam. that his failure to do well in this exam could be detrimental to his future (over kan?). i told him about my friend's sister who is now doing medicine (self-sponsored) in some former ussr country just because she didn't do very well in her matrics exam. i told him of some of the weird courses that they are offering in public universities which are usually offerred to students with bad matriculation exam cgpa. things like ijazah sarjana muda sains perhutanan (penghususan teknologi dan industri serat kayu) or ijazah sarjana muda kejuruteraan polimer or ijazah sarjana muda sains hortikultur (scary!). and how do i know all this? because i used to go out with some of these .... err... students.

apparently, the talk that i had with him was not very effective. he got a 2.63 for his cgpa. i spoke to him the other day and he sounded ok. he has always been like that. i little bit - emotionless (especially when you compare him with his dramatic brother). i spoke to my dad after that, and he sounded very disappointed. he was telling me that he might just enrol my brother to one of those kolej universiti, he doesn't think that even if my brother manage to get a place in the main universities, he's be able to pull it off.

my heart sank a little bit. i never thought that my dad would lose hope on my brother like that. i mean, the boy is not incapable. it's just that he has been a bit lazy and unfocused. and he does sleep a lot. A LOT. which, of course upsets my dad more because that would be one of his pet peeves (i remember that during semester breaks he would get pissed when i woke up at 10 am everyday saying that i sleep too much. what he doesn't know that at that time i was going to bed at 4 am everyday doing my... ermm... 'research'). my brother can just put his head on a pillow and doze off in about 2 seconds - something that i've never been able to do.

so now everyone is a bit pening of what he should do next. my sister suggested that he takes up computer science. he's eligible to apply to do computer science in one of the better universities but he said that he's not interested. he wants to do mechanical engineering. but he can only apply to those univerisities in sabah or sarawak because they have a lower requirement. my mother, of course, doesn't want him to go to sabah. my elder brother on the other hand, thinks that engineering is the best course in the world (mostly because he took the same course) and is advising him to go. my dad is still considering the less-competitive universiti kolej option for my brother.

i'm just afraid he is going to get neither. not computer science. not mechanical engineering. but there's a good chance that he'll get sains botani.. or some other merepek course. i just told him just apply for something that he likes so that there's a better chance that he'll study harder for it. the rest, i just ask him to leave to God. doa je la banyak-banyak. life takes you through amazing twists and turns that u might end up being nowhere close from what you plan to be.

when i was his age and i had to make my decision as to which degree course to take, i initially opted to take economics. and i remember writing this down vividly in my anaysis sheet as to a plus point for taking economics:

"i can be a writer for the far eastern economic review."

i actually got my first choice to do economics but changed course to accountancy after 4 weeks of studying. now, i work as an auditor in d*bai. and instead of writing for the far eastern economic review, i am now an author of a g*y blog. a long shot from the original plan?

just a tad :P

REGAL BEHAVIOUR

2007-05-24T01:01:00.000+04:00

just a short tribute to one cool person - my prince / my neighbour (his 'palace' is actually walking distance from my house in ip*h) / the guy whom i received my scroll from during my graduation - dr. raja n*zrin.

i applaud what you did. refusing government fund for the wedding, advising the well-wishers / ass-kissers not to advertise congratulatory adverts in newspapers, not serving beef at the makan2 thing - the whole gesture (at first i was a bit unhappy that there were still fireworks involved, but i later found out that the 30-minutes fireworks were sponsored by MCA. so that's cool). really hope that other royalties take the cue from what you did. and i hope you can do more for the country in any way that you can. i'm a bit worried. the country seems to be in a morality mess (with PLUs screwing each other everywhere..hehehe). oh, and congratulations on your wedding. your wife is very pretty. and smart too. ip*h born, right? no wonder :P

one of the (sadly few) reasons why i'm proud to be a perakian is because of the royal family. not only do we have the most handsome king, our raja muda actually has phd from harvard (korang ada ke? hehehe...). but of course, there's a lot of reasons to be ashamed of too. having an ex-mayor who thinks that his main reponsibility as a mayor is to lead senamrobik sessions at the city padang and cycle all around the state would be one of them. and having an ex state minister whose only talent seems to be carrying out half-baked projects in his constituency would be another.

sedih kan?

THE NEW GUYS

2007-05-18T00:33:00.000+04:00

3 new single malaysian guys have recently joined my department.

now, i can almost guess the kind of images that are developing in your minds when you read the first sentence, my dear (fellow special beings) readers. images of three gorgeous looking (and possibly plu) guys in office wear must come to mind huh? i had the same image in my mind as well (or could it just be me? alamak malu la pulak).

but unfortunately for me, the reality turned out to be a leeeeetle bit different than that. let's just say that my dreams of any office romance were dashed the moment i saw them at the airport (hahaha). they turned out to be straight, and not very... yummy (i don't mean to objectify these people, but i just need to say it. it's important for the storyline..hahaha)

although my gaydar may not be working properly the whole time, i'm pretty sure it got it right this time. they are definitely not bengkok. but thankfully, they are also not one of those super duper masculine guys who i am not uncomfortable to be around with. they turned out to be average 30 something single guys guys. average SAD 30 something single guys. seriously, isn't it sad to be single when you are 30 something and straight? (i'm indirectly insulting my brother here, out of spite. hehehe).

generally they are ok. it's been about 3 months since they came, and in my opinion, they are still tolerable (don't know if they can say the same thing about me though.. hehehe). sure, one has a bad breath problem (or APPEARS to have one because he is always unconsciously covering his mouth when he talks and popping breath mints and using the breathspray every so often) and one has a problem using the toilet (the toilet is practically FLOODED everytime after he uses it. makes you wonder if he's trying to save money by showering in the office). but generally, they are ok. for now (i feel the need to put a disclaimer.. cos u never know what's gonna happen later).

watching them having to go through the stuff that they need to do to get settled in this country reminds me of how i was just over a year ago. how i was feeling at the time, how my life was. i can't believe it was barely 16 months ago. it seemed like so many things have happened since then. it may not be so clear before, but i'm starting to realise that i've changed a quite a bit since i first came here. i HAVE grown. i HAVE gained some experience. i guess it really takes someone who doesn't have what u have to make u realise that u have it right. when i compare myself then with myself now, i think one word would describe it best. stronger. and in more way than one too.

yeap, i'm stronger now.

FINALLY

2007-05-13T21:42:00.000+04:00

after almost a month of waiting, i finally got internet at home. and that's not before i threw a B.F. at the ISP's customer service guy this afternoon. a 21 minutes and 39 seconds B.F. i'm getting better at this 'scolding people in english' apparently. i guess i have etis*lat to thank for this. they provided me the opportunity to practice. i do pity the guy who had to answer my call. there were times that he was actually rendered speechless. mesti trauma (ntah2 cute kan? kesian je). but i had no one to channel my frustration. i was not really frustrated at him, i was frustrated of the system (or lack thereof). and to know that this company is STILL making a fortune with such crappy service - it just ignites my anger.

the muscat trip was actually a good one. the only thing that could've made it better was if the weather was cooler. well, the weather AND if i didn't have to go for that dolhin watching thing (hahaha... sorry zal. just kidding la. i did have fun for the first 10 minutes.. :P). the rest of the trip was just great. muscat is a great place with breathtaking scenery and warm, friendly locals. it was really an eye-opener for me to see how the different history, culture and possibly the wealth of two countries (which are next located to each other) can influence the general behaviour and conduct of its people. there is something about the om*nis which makes me respect them more. perhaps it was the fact that their custome is the only custome (in the ar*b world) that allows room to express one's individuality. perhaps it was their couteous manner and honest smiles (on my trip back, one guy, after realising that he got his seat number wrong, actually apologised to me profusely for his mistake. initially he thought that i was in his seat). i have to say that this trip has made me hate the country that i'm working in a leeee-tle bit more.

apart from the great scenery and great people, i also had great company. excellent travelling partners. i don't know where else can i find travelling partners who are willing to do all the driving and map navigating while i doze off in the rented car? hehehe. to you guys (you know who you are), thanks a lot. i hope i provided you with enough entertainment in the car to compensate for my lack of participation in the driving and navigating... hehehe. oh and i met another friend. he's.... not too bad (OBVIOUSLY he reads my blog now or else i won't be too generic with my description.. :P). just kddding k?

so in the end, i pretty much got what i wished for in my last entry. a pleasant trip to muscat, and internet connection at home. it does feel good when your prayers are answered isn't it? especially when you feel that sometimes you dont deserve it.

TYPICAL VIRGO, TYPICAL ME

2007-05-10T11:11:00.000+04:00

i pride myself for being a good planner. a meticulous planner, in fact. someone who would take consideration of everything that should be taken into consideration before making a decision. i really, as much as possible, try to avoid sub-optimal decisions. i hate wasting unintentionally (wasting intentionally, however, is a totally different matter, which i do enjoy once in a while). it's a typical virgo trait.

the other thing about virgoans (especially the virgin ones.. wakakaka) is that they're supposed to excel in accomplishing small tasks with limited objectives. (generally) we are not very strategic minded kinda people who can see the "big picture" or good at carrying out those 5-year plan or 10-years plan thingies (which, btw, is why i'm so clueless about my life plan even at 26). why? i'm not really sure. maybe it's just impossible to do a perfect job for these type of tasks where the duration is very long and the variables are endless. and virgoans, are of course, are a bunch of perfectionist pricks.

that is why i felt like banging my head against the wall the other day. why? because i failed a particular task which i gave myself. the task was to get myself return tickets to muscat. and of course, the objective was to get the best possible deal, especially in terms of price (i hate wasting.. well, you can even call me a cheapskate - i don't care. it's my money anyway). naturally, i went to a few airlines' websites to do my research and collect my data. however, while browsing through various websites, one budget airline slipped my mind. so i ended up buying my tickets from this budget airline which i have flown before and which i had thought was a pretty good deal already, considering other people had to pay 1k to get to the same place. i, on the other had to pay about 480 dirhams (rm480) for mine. wait.. scrap that. with the depreciating value of the dirham.. it's actually about rm430 (ok, i am NOT gonna start blabbing about the depreciating dirham - i might not be able to stop)

anyway, it was only 2 days after i have purchased my ticket that i came acroos the website of the airline which i had initially forgotten. and being someone who just HAS to know, i went into the website to find out about the price they are offering. 314 dirhams (about rm 280). 'deal of the week' - to add salt to the wound. better timing pulak tu. "celakaaaaaa!!!!!" i yelped, sending confused stares from my new colleagues (oh yeah, new colleagues are here. will talk about them later). i felt like an utter failure.

to my defense, i'm not really familiar about this airline. it's quite a new one. i've only heard of them from their radio.. twice i think. but i have no one to defend against except for myself. virgoans are perfectionists. and what i did in this case was far from perfect.

but virgoans, are also known to be good analysts. and that's just what i did. i analysed the situation to see if i can make it better. and i managed to do just that. i decided to buy that 314 dirhams ticket, and change the destination of my 480 dirhams ticket to doha. i was already planning to go to doha sometime during summer so i might as well get the ticket now. and jaz*era does not fly to doha, so no possiblity of getting a cheaper ticket than air ar*bia. so i went on to make the necessary changes. in the end, i saved 66 dirhams, get better timing for my muscat flight, will be able to experience this new airline (although i'm not an airline freak like SOME people :P) and got the 'deal of the week'. i felt good. even when i failed the initial objective, i think i pretty much nailed my subsequent objective. my damage control objective. and now i'm set to get on that plane for a great weekend in muscat.

it may seem like a cliche and superficial, but i always find those articles describing traits of a virgo are really about me. i am actually someone who is very skeptical of things, but when it comes to this, it's amazing how everything is just so spot-on. ok, maybe not everything. ALMOST everything. there are some differences. based on these articles, i'm supposed to be a health freak (which i am not) and also a clean freak (i'm somewhat clean la... but i do have my off days sometimes). oh yeah, i'm supposed to be drop dead gorgeous too. we all know that's not the case huh.

i can't help but feel that i'm somewhat doomed with my life because i possess these traits of a virgo. "pessimistic", "worrier", "has mood swings", "frequently depressed", "destructive at times". those who have been reading my blog or those who know me in person knows that all those traits - are all me. ALLLLL me. and that's not the worse of it. this is what one article says about virgoans in the relationship department:

The kind of love which displays itself in dramatic emotions, sentimental promises, tearful declarations and mushy affection, not only leaves a Virgo man cold, it can frighten him into catching the nearest bus or train out of town. (Planes are too fast and too expensive for him, unless he's really desperate.) But he can be melted if the temperature is just right, even though he seems to be made of a combination of steel and ice. There are definitely ways to the Virgo heart. Secret ways. Aggressive pursuit is not one of them. Neither is coquetry nor sexuality, as many a flirtatious vamp and slinky siren has learned, to her surprise and disappointment.

Virgos seek quality rather than quantity in romance. Since quality is at pretty much of a premium in any category, they have few real love affairs, and the few they do have are destined to be unlucky or sad in some way, more often than not. Virgo's reaction to such a disappointment is normally to bury himself in the hardest work he can find, stay away from society in general, and be twice as cautious at the next opportunity. You can see that you'll have to use considerable strategy and patience. The basic Virginian instinct is chastity, and he's turned from it only for a good cause or for a mighty good woman. Many Virgos-though admittedly not all-can live with celibacy far more easily than any other Sun sign, just as they put up with rules of discipline they don't understand, because obedience to fate without struggling comes naturally to them. If fate decrees a single life, Virgo is prepared to accept it without excess regret or emotional trauma, so there are lots of Virgo bachelors around-but still, in their quiet way, they can manage some very poetic, if fragile, love affairs.

doomed, i tell you. doomed! hahaha..

IT'S BEEN A MONTH!

2007-05-08T08:26:00.000+04:00

sometimes, when you have not blogged for so long, it gets a little bit difficult to even START your new entry. it's just too much pressure. all the anticipation from my readers - it does get a little overwhelming. this must be how j.k rowling feels like before a new potter book is released (hihihi).

anyway, i blame everything on etis*lat (etis*lat, btw, is the internet service provider in this country). as you may know, i've recently moved to a new apartment (oh-uh, i still haven't posted those photos have i? :P) and so i had to apply for new internet connection. and as expected, the process of getting internet connection for my new apartment has been very very slow. MIND-NUMBINGLY slow. first, they had a change in procedures (which, of course was not announced to the public) which requires me to get a 'no objection' letter from my EMPLOYER to allow me to get internet connection in MY apartment (this is IN ADDITION to the requirement of bringing an original copy of the TENANCY AGREEMENT for the application). after the application was submitted, come the long waiting process. they told me that it would take a miximum of 14 days to get the bloddy thing installed. well, today is actually day 22 and they have not called. but of course, i've been calling them. incessantly. i've been harrassing them. i've been a very very bad customer. well, can't blame me. i'm a very dissatisfied customer. and i tell you, i can be very very mean to these customer service people. especially the dumb, rude ones. very bad combination of attributes to be possessed by a customer service personnel.

but i don't always get to win over here. in fact, i will almost DEFINITELY lose if the person on the other end is an ar*b. these people just bring a whole new definition of the word rudeness. and they are supposed to be in customer service. how ironic. usually, when i call them, they will start off ok. but the minute you request them to repeat something (due to their sometimes incomprehensible spoken english), they get irritated. and they'll start talking to you in that irritated tone. they'll repeat it once again, and they'll hang up on you, leaving you dumbstruck. you'll get used to it after a while.

but getting used to life without internet at home takes a little bit more of getting used to. so to escape from the impending boredom of life without internet at home during the weekend, i've decided to go melancong (hehehe).this thursday, i'll be off to muscat, oman. i've been planning to go and visit this country for a few times already, but somehow it never materialised. so it's good (and also a relief) to have it finally materialise. and the best part is i won't be going there alone (unlike one of my original plans). at least there's someone to take my photos when i'm there (with their much more canggih digicams.. opportunist nih). apart from looking forward to see the country, i'm also looking forward to catch with some old friends (tak yah la mention nama korang ek... korang dah glamer dah :P) and a new friend. here's hoping for a good weekend trip (and internet connection after i come back). fingers are crossed.. real tight.

NO MORE, NO MORE

2007-04-08T10:55:00.000+04:00

i finally realised what has triggered the sore throat (which by tha way, has developed into a quite-severe case of cough and cold - complete with multicoloured phlegm.. hihihih). everyone told me that it's because of the change in weather. but i don't think it was that. it was actually because of the two phone calls that i received earlier this week.

the first phone call came on tuesday night. i was in the middle of reheating my ikan keli which i brought back from m'sia (sedappppp). it was an unfamiliar number - an overseas number. i picked it up. it turned out that it was a senior manager from a consulting company from kuwait. apparently they found my cv in one of the jobstreet-equivalent websites here. and they wanted to know if i'm interested to join their firm.

kuwait guy : so, mr. *****, first and foremost let me ask you this - are you interested in a job opportunity in kuwait?
me: (NOOOOOOOO.. i've decided to just stay in d*bai for another year and go back to kl after that) well, yes, i'm always interested and open for possible career advancement in the region.

what followed after that response was a 25-minute interview with the guy. given the impromptu situation, i think i did well. after the interview, the guy asked to submit my photo and a copy of a report which i have written (which i haven't submitted)

the second phone call came the morning after that. it was from a recruitment agency in qatar. they have sent me an email 2 days earlier which i have not responded to. same thing. another job opportunity.

qatar guy: i understand that you have previous experience in performing hotel audits. would you be interested in joining a reputable h*spitality company here in qatar?
me: (NO NO NO! nak balik kl tahun depannnnnn!!!) yes, i would very much like to be considered for a suitable position.
qatar guy: what would be your expected remuneration mr. ****?
me: (gives a very merepek figure) QAR **,***.**
qatar guy: alright. we will inform our client about this and will inform you accordingly of any new development. in the mean time, please reply to our questions in the email.
me: ok. i will.

i have not responded to the email.

why did these calls bother me so much? i'll tell you why. first, it made ashamed of myself for (once again) not being able to resist the temptation of another job opportunity. basically, this is how i function. throw the word "job opportunity" at me and i will say "yes" in an instant. it's like an automatic reaction. it's a sickness that cannot be cured.

i have said yes despite my earlier resolution to stick by my current job and move back to kl after a year. it is imperative that i follow through with this plan as it is part of my bigger life plan. i was pretty sure that i would be able to stick to this plan. but the minute life throws something at me, i faltered. tewas.

secondly, it made me once again think about the reason why i think that i should NOT consider another opportunity in the region. it's because of me. me being who i am. me being the screwed up person that i am.

it feels terrible having to let go of opportunities and not realising your full potential because you are plu. now that i have started dating and meeting other plu's, i don't think i can be a newscaster anymore (which was my ambition at one point of my life). i can't join AF or m'sian idol (mcm real je kan? hehehe). i can't even consider another (possibly better) job opportunity in the middle east (and i have my own reasons for this).

and these thoughts have made me sick. literally. and i'm actually hoping that they don't get back to me..

IT'S ACTING UP AGAIN

2007-04-05T14:36:00.000+04:00

i hate having sore throats. i hate it because i have never been successful to stop it from getting worse. it always starts with that small irritation doesn't it? the irritation that makes you "ahemmmm" every few seconds. i had that while i was watching american idol last night. "oh crap..". as usual, i tried my best to not let it get worse. i drank a lot of water, took some cough medicine, and popped in a few strepsils. one after another. actually i don't know why i keep buying strepsils. they never seem to work (damn you strepsils!). but i can't take fisherman's friend because it's too mentholated. i'll sneeze if i take anything mentholated. and to sneeze when you have a bad sore throat.. is like, uhm, very painful ok? (himbo alert - hahaha). it's excruciating. mcm nak tercabut anak tekak ni.

but as i expected, i woke up today with an even worse sore throat than last night. and it has not gotten any much better. and i'm still popping those bloody strepsils (hoping for a miracle). and now i can't talk much. more importantly, i won't be able to sing in the car on my way back (oh yeah, i car pool with my manager everyday. and since he's not so much fun to talk too, i've been singing in the car to kill time. he doesn't seem to mind - i have a nice voice..wakakaka)

after being in this body for almost 27 years, i have managed to understand a little bit more about it. my body seems to respond to my emotional being. just like me, my body is a very sensitive and emotional .. thing. i remember when i was in form 5, my father told me that he wanted to enrol me for add maths tuition during one of the school holidays (i HATED add maths and was not really good at it, except for when it comes to taburan kebarangkalian which i TOTALLY get. but give me janjang or pembezaan or pengamiran and i will beg for your mercy). anyway, the idea of having to do add maths during the school holidays was unberable to me. and because of this, i had a bad stomachache. a very bad stomachache. it took a while for me to put two and two together but eventually i figured it out. nowadays, i realise that if i am emotionally distressed, i can expect either a very bad stomachache or a very bad sore throat / fever. same thing happened again during last year's raya. i was so stressed that i couldn't go back that i was slapped with a very bad fever-cough-cold. the whole works. when i sneeze, blood came out (heheheh...gross kan?). i knew that i was sick not because anything, but merely because my body's acting up in response to my emotional being at that time (wah!!)

the thing is, currently i don't really feel THAT bad. i mean, of course it sucks having to come back here after 3 weeks in malaysia. but i'm not THAT miserable. there are some thingd that i'm looking forward to at the moment. like enjoying my life in the new apartment (how cool is it to be able to catch a cinema 5 minutes from where you walk?!!), losing more weight (it's so weird that i'm so optimistic about this) and finding a f*lipino anak ikan (wakakaka). then why is that my body's acting up strange? hmm... dahagakan kasih sayang kah? i've lived without it for so long ... it shouldn't bug me now, right? (sedih tak?).

in any case, i hope this goes away soon. cos whenever i'm sick, i become more ..subdued. and more importantly, i can't share my gift from God (my voice) with the people around me. i feel so.... selfish. hahahahha.

EVENTFUL, TO SAY THE LEAST (PART DEUX)

2007-03-30T20:59:00.000+04:00

NOTE: reader discretion is advised :P

in the end, i decided to let go of his hand and catch up with sizzling mee. ironically i was more worried about not being able to find him in the large crowd then not knowing what couldhave happened if i followed the guy. the place was so noisy that he might not hear his phone ring if i try to contact him. once we were upstairs, i told sizz what happened. "hah! mana mana mana?" he replied in his usual ptichy-when-excited voice (wakakaka...sorry sizz). " ada kat bawah tadi... apa aku nak buat ha?" "gi la berkenalan... sembang2" hmm... betul gak kan? i mean... not everyone is looking for just action right? maybe he was looking for someone to share his views on the current situation in iraq. ok la - maybe not. but maybe he just wanted to talk.

so i told myself "if i see this guy again when i go down, i'm just gonna talk to him". and as fate would have it (wah... fate la habis) i did bump into him once again. he took my hand once again and this time i obliged. he took me upstairs (again!) and we sat at one of those sofas on the mezzanine floor (i'm assuming that everyone who reads the blog knows the layout of the club :P) we sat for a while and started talking - but only for a while though. after exchanging a few words, he got up and took my hand again. and i (again) followed him. we ended up in the ladies' toilet (which was of course, empty). we went into one of the stalls and he locked the door. we started kissing. great kisser, that guy. from kissing, he started unzipping his pants. and then he whispered "blow me". alamak, this is not safe isn't it? i can get aids from this right? - my UNBELIEVABLY oblivious mind wondered (i know, i'm practically an infant when it comes to these things). not being prepared for something like that, i politely declined. need to be perfectly clear of the health implications of the activity first. and plus, if i am gonna blow someone for the first time, it won't be some random guy i met at the club. and it definitely won't be in the female toilet of some plu club. a little bit too "adventurous" for me la. i'm more of the old-fashioned kind a guy...heheh.

after i said no, the just smiled, buttoned his jeans, kissed me once again and left. i waited for a few more seconds wondering "what did i do what did i do what did i do?!!" (that's the testosterone talking i guess) and left the toilet after that. went back down and found sizz. spilled everything. "omg omg omg! ko amik nombor dia tak?" "err... tak" didn't think that he would have given it even if i asked him for it. what's the use right? anyway, no regrets. even if there was a slight feelinig of regret, it was adequately compensated by the feeling of flattery... heheh. it could have been the bad lighting in the club, but to get someone to tarik your tangan in the club is very flattering (to me at least. other people may get their hand tugged 5 times in one night..i don't know). so, in order not to spoil the sweet memory (:P) of that night in la q*een, i guess i won't be there for quite some time. i'm afraid that the next time i go and no one tarik my tangan, i'd be utterly disappointed.

i also took the opportunity 0f being back to open up to two of my close friends who are fellow plus as well. previously, we were very silent about out sexuality although i guess each one of us were playing the guessing game with each other. however, i decided to make the bold step and open up to them. i have enough trouble playing straight in front my straight friends, why should i waste my energy to play straight with them? (it takes a lot of effort to play straight ok?). so i opened up to them. and i was glad that i did it. now i felt that there is a new level of friendship between myself and them. we all talked about this part of us that we were not willing to share previously. and all of us did not have to control macho so much in front of each other anymore. but i did ask them whether they could tell that i was a gayah before. one of them replied with a resounding "of course!". i aked him why and he replied "hello...kalau dah furniture semua beli kat ikea, hias2 bilik bagai... pas tu bila karaoke nyanyi lagu haz*mi, re* semua..apa maknanya tu?" cess... well i guess it takes one to know one la kan. tu tak leh tolong dah..

i'm going back to d*bai in about 15 hours. as expected, i dread going back there. i know that i wrote earlier if i can't find love (wah!) during my break, i'm not gonna bother anymore. i was going to delete all my online profiles. my three week break ends today, and i'm still without love. but i don't know if i can do what i plan to do. can i live the next 10 months without meeting new people on the net? although doing this has so fargiven me only heartaches and devastation, it has provided me with some hope, happiness andexcitement (albeit short-lived). i dunno... we'll see.

time to go back to crappy d*bai... sigh...

EVENTFUL, TO SAY THE LEAST

2007-03-26T21:34:00.000+04:00

as usual, whenever i'm back home, i am somehow forced to abandon my blog for a little while. i will have to cite lack of infrastructure as the main reason. well, that, and the fact that i can't even find time to breathe when i'm back home.

after a week and a half in kl, i am back in ipoh. i'm sitting in front of my younger brother's computer, typing using a keyboard with a CRACKED spacebar (i'm not kidding ok, gila betul adik aku ni main game), connected to the virtual world at a speed of 48.0 kbps. god i miss my wireless connection and my laptop back in dubai. but that's pretty much everything that i'm missing in dubai.

my days in kl has been eventful, to say the least. it started off with me banging my sister's car in an accident on the sg. besi highway (hehehe... apa nak buat, dah lama tak drive). but don't worry guys - i came out unscathed. only my wallet was a little bit affected = by rm484.10 to be exact. technically it wasn't entirely my fault. the two cars in front of me had an accident and i couldn't brake in time. turned out that i banged a van full of pakcik2 polis who was on their way back from a seminar or something (wait.. is this someone's sexual fantasy? heheh.. unfortunately it's not mine). surprisingly they were a very polite bunch of people. turun2 van terus salam org yang menghentam van diorang. guess the kempen budi bahasa has been quite fruitful eh? :P

and that was not my only encounter with the police, surprisingly. there was another encounter, but this one was a little bit more... misdemeanour-ish (?). u see, after watching the af5 concert last weekend, i went out with a ...err... new acquantaince for a drink at a mamak place. after that, he invited me for a drive around town. i agreed. he drove around for a while and ended up at the jelatek lrt station parking lot which was of course empty at that time (considering that it was 1 am). what happened after that need not be told (i'll just leave it to your imagination :P). but while the two of us were 'occupied' with some activity, we saw a police car approaching us. "oh shit oh shit oh shit matila aku keluar paper esok" . seriously that's what was on my mind at that time. the police car stopped, and a policeman approached us. "buat apa kat sini encik?" he asked with an honestly-puzzled look. hmm... innocentnya pakcik polis nih..hehehe. "takde apa encik, tadi kami dr kedai mamak kat belakang tu..saja je lepak2 sembang2 kat sini" i replied while maintaining the straightest look that i could possibly devise at that time. "bahaya encik ni duduk kat sini. tempat ni gelap. nanti kalau kena rompak ke naya je. mintak ic?". alamak... mintak ic pulak... matila ada rekod penjenayah pas ni. "mintak maaf encik, kami pun memang dah nak balik dah ni". at that point of time, iu was using my baritone-est voice already. "hmm..elokla la tu". then he went back to his car and drove away. we did the same thing. i was so relieved that the pakcik polis was a nice / gullible one. kalau tak... i don't know what would have happened. mau kena masuk lokap... kena gang bang dgn fellow convicts (oh-uh, another sexual fantasy. but again, not mine..:P)

oh btw, yes - i did manage to check out l* queen. my verdict - it's awesome! (however, this comes from someone who has only been to 2 other plu clubs his entire life. so don't take my word for it k?). the place looks good, the music was nice (they were playing khad*eja's biarkan s*ja when i stepped into the club so i was immediately impressed by the song selection.) and of course, as usual, the (majority of) the crowd semuanya meletup2. i was already quite contented with everything, expecting a good night out even just by henjut2-ing kat tepi stage while oogling at all the yummy people (hehehe.. pathetic kan? well, what's new?). after about half an hour at the side of the stage, we (me, my faithful partner-in-petty-crime sizzling mee and his housemate) decided to check what was happening upstairs. while making our way through the crowd, i felt a tug. someone was tugging my hand. i looked to see who it was. and i saw this cute guy smiling at me. it was quite dark so i struggled to get a closer look at him. "matila.. could this guy be one of my ex-officemates yg nak memecahkan lobang masing2? or skandal lama kah?" but after squinting my eyes for a few seconds, i've confirmed that he was neither. so what could this mean? his hand was still holding mine, and he was still smiling. at the same time i saw that sizzling mee and his housemate moving further and futher away..

to be continued... (sorry guys ..dah pukul 2 pagi la... esok sambung k? hehehe..)

AN INSTANT 3-IN-1 ENTRY

2007-03-08T08:13:00.000+04:00

it feels like a million years since i last posted an entry. i'm sorry for the irregular updates (don't quite know who i am apologising for... but never mind that. asking for forgiveness is always a noble thing to do). it's just that so many things have happened in the past few days / weeks that it was almost impossible to come up with a decent entry (mcm la my previous entries were all decent kan? :P). even with this one, i'm struggling to write it in between doing my other stuff. an thus, the instant 3-in-1 entry.. :P

first and foremost, after mr. sizzlingmee-no-more (seriusly dude, can u be a little bit more original than that?) had his short vacation in d*bai, i had visitors coming from d*ha to visit me. yes, these people has written about their trip here just about a lifetime ago and i am only writing about it now. (that's how busy my life is and how not-so-eventful theirs are... wakakkaa. just kidding you guys. you guys know my life sucks here). in total, i enjoyed their company. and i think it was wonderful being able to introduce fellow rainbowlanders the gorgeous men in this country and how i am suffering because of their gorgeousness.

a week after that, i moved into my new apartment. and i have to say, it looks pretty damn amazing (don't i sound modest? ehehe.. ). maybe it was because i've decided to make it my own and invest a little bit more about it (as compared to my previous apartment which i took as a temporary settlement for a year before i go back). i have made a decision to live better in this country, and of course it starts with da crib, right? gosh if only i have a place like this in kl... i would've ..... (censored thoughts involving cute guys, fooling around and ... more cute guys and fooling around)

anyway.... i've got some before and after photos that i MIGHT share in a later (comment moderated) post :P. i've only shown my new apartment to a few of my colleagues and most of them are artistically challenged (they are heterosexual auditors for god's sake!). so i didn't get a lot of comments coming from them. however, the one girl who checked out my apartment actually used the word "gorgeous" to describe it... hehehe (triumphant smile).

and tomorrow, i'm going back to msia. it's going to be a longer trip this time - three weeks. i am not really that excited about this trip back home. maybe because it has only been two months since i last came back. but it's either now or... very very much later..like december. new people are coming in and my boss wants me to be around to guide them (from what he told me., the new people who are joining the department will be significantly OLDER and possibly married. there's goes my dream of having an office scandal..sigh). but of course, it's always good to be home. and i'm looking forward to a slower paced time in malaysia. the last two times i was back in malaysia was only for a week, and i was running around like mad the whole time! and of course,being the planner that i am, i had a to-do/to-meet/to-eat list the whole time. this time around. no list. ok la.. that would be lying. i still have a list. but it's much more flexible this time. and i do have some interesting missions while i'm back... ngeh ngeh ngeh (and no, i'm not going for another interview, i've learned my lesson thank you very much).

3 weeks in malaysia? god, i'm gonna be so (much) fattttttt(er) when i come back here...*sigh*, but of course, if any of you want to meet up for teh tarik (i'll be having milo ais btw), i can always accommodate. what's a few extra calories as compared to the benefits of having a new (hopefully cute) acquaintance kan? hahaha.. just kidding. tak cute pun takpe. at least then it'll be fair :P

so saper nak join gi la queen nih? :P

OH HAPPY DAY

2007-02-21T13:17:00.000+04:00

the big boss has just left on a one week trip this morning. i entered the office singing "freedoooommmm...freedooommmm!!!" at the top of my lungs with a gleeful smile (ok la, maybe not - but i WAS smiling). wore a plu-ish purple shirt with a matching (ALWAYS matching) dark purple-light purple-white-dark grey-light grey-peach-striped tie to celebrate the occasion. sizzling mee (who is on vacation in dubai), upon seeing me in my brights-up-the-whole-room office attire (groggily) commented "eii.. geboy sangatkan ko punya dressing hari ni?". eleh, jeles la tu. mentang2 kat office dia takde siapa pakai tie. kakakakak...

since formally declining the job offer back in malaysia (which, i think, went quite well), i've felt a little bit more calm.. it was very hard to let go of the option that i had, but now that i've eliminated the option, i can finally focus on what coming in front of me. another year in dubai. and i'm determined to make better than the last year. as much as i love myself and pride myself in the way i've charted my life so far, i have to admit there is always room for improvement :P

so this year, i will try and be happy. i will smile whenever i get reprimanded by my boss (which, thank goodness, is not a regular occurrence so far). i will just laugh (not out loud la) whenever my boss contradicts himself (THIS is almost a daily affair). i will try to be more positive in just about everything (which will be quite a challenging task given how naturally cynical i am). i will not focus on 31 january 2008 so much (which supposedly is my last day here). instead, i will try and make the most of my stay here. with all the cute ar*b guys around me, it's time that i do some serious "fishing". ikan jenis ni tak byk kat msia tu... hahahaha (as you know, the last part is just fictional). seriously, i think i will be happier if i don't think so much about the fact that i am single and without a partner (and desperately trying to do something about it). so, this year, i'm just going to take it easy. like what my favourite singer of all time (NOT!) once said, "cinta datanggggggggg..... tanpa diundang......." so if it comes, it comes. if it doesn't come.. i'll just go hunt for it next year in kl..heheheh.

there's a lot of things that i'm looking forward to in the next few weeks.friends coming over for visits, moving into my new apartment,going back to malaysia for a longer break. nice, pleasant things to look forward too, especially the moving into the new apartment bit. being a true-blue plu, interior decoration is one of my interests. and i love having these small little projects for myself. it makes me excited .. like a little boy in a candy store. and because of that, i've been going the home decor section of departmental stores, ikea-equivalents and the souqs here scouring for things for my new apartment - alone, nonetheless (with the exception of these past few days because mr sizzlingmee is around). but still i'm enjoying myself. who knows, maybe later i'll post some photos in a later entry for a while (which WILL be comment-disabled.. it's bad to kill a man's dream - and i don't want anyone to do that to me :P)

ok, gotta go. ikea calling. eheh..

D*BAI SURVIVAL TIPS

2007-02-15T00:06:00.000+04:00

living in this country requires you to adapt. adapt to eating your pizza, burgers and fries WITHOUT the good old chilli sauce. adapt to having to settle for very greasy fried chicken in kfc. adapt to paying exorbitant prices for things which are so cheap back home. but on top of everything it requires you to adapt to the type of english that the country is using.

after staying here for a year, i have to say that i'm quite proud of my ability to adapt to the uae brand of english. i have friends from m*laysia who were impressed with the way i communicate with the taxi drivers and the shop assistants here. how i intentionally deteriorate my spoken english to make it comprehensible by the other party. i can even do their accent now :P

so, to those of you who plan to visit this country anytime soon (or planning to get a job here), let me give you a headstart on how to speak english - the emirates way. may i now present to you the first lesson of ...

"how to make people understand you in this country when you speak english"

FIRST LESSON : ORDERING FOOD

PART I - placing your order over the phone.

cafe: allu
you: hello, shahiq cafeteria?
*shahiq cafeteria, is, btw my favourite cafe here. they even know my name there :P
cafe: ayowa (this apparently means yes)- shahiq cafeteria
you: send me one chicken beriyani ok? a lot spicy aa? (being malaysian, i assume that you guys would want to order everything as "extra spicy" here)
cafe: wokkey. send wherr?
you: (name your location here). what time coming?
cafe: 20 minutes coming.
you: ok bye.

PART II - following up on your delivery (if you are not a regular, chances are you will have to do this)
you: hello, shahiq cafeteria?
cafe: ayowa
you: my friend (that's what everyone calls everyone here), where is chicken beriyani? (name your location here). very late coming.
cafe: ok.. coming coming. 5 minutes aaa...
you: come now ok? i am too much hungry.
afe: wokkey wokkey

TIP: don't ever try to go all queen's english and construct proper sentences like "i would like to place an order" or "how long do you think it will take for the delivery to arrive?". chances are, they will misunderstand you. keep it simple, and throw everything thaat you have learned back in grammar school out the window. stick to keywords. and you'll be fine :)

coming up in lesson two : flirting with ar*b guys

yeah, RIGHT - like i know how to do that :P

WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE AISKREMPOTONG'S HEAD?

2007-02-13T21:56:00.000+04:00

those of you who know me personally will know that i've been struggling with a tough decision this past month. you see, i have received a job offer from a company back home. it was a company which i have always been interested in joining. not because of the remuneration, but because of what the company does. and also what i can do potentially in my position to help what the company does. it feels like with this job, i can finally use my skills and knowledge to contribute to the society. to my ummah. it was more like a dream JOB to me.

but, ironically (my life is full of ironies) this is also the time when my evil boss here decided to give me a big fat increment. it was like a dream SALARY to me :P. so needless to say, i was torn.

i have not been happy staying here. in the past year, there were times when i was feeling so down that i hit a new low. lack of friends, housemate from hell, sucky boss, a few online 'relationships' which gone bad - nottttt a pretty year for me. but from the outside, everyone thinks that it has been a great year. good salary, working overseas, losing weight. i was determined to go back after getting my bonus. so that's why i set on looking for a job. and lucky for me (OR unlucky for me), i landed on my dream job.

hence, the big, jumbo-sized dilemma. almost everyone i know told me that i should stay. this opportunity may not come by again (which i have to admit, is true. being a local graduate with no professional qualification, what i have know is really ..err.. "very neat"). however, being someone who has always made the "less popular" decisions thoughout his life, i didn't want to listen to what they say. i think i know myself best. and what is best for me. the best for my career. and i deserve happiness. at least i'll be happier in kl than here. so i told everyone that i was adamant about leaving. my dad was crushed. my brothers and sisters ask me to re-think about it. my friends said that i was crazy. and when i told my boss about my decision, he had me sit for 90 minutes because he couldn't believe that i made that decision (i told him a day after i got my increment).

however, slowly and slowly,due to tremendous pressure from everyone asking me to reconsider, i started to think differently. perhaps my future employer can give me another opportunity in the future. even if that fails, maybe there will be other companies in the same industry (although not many) who might want to take me in later. since i'm hoping to build up my ssavings this year, i could probably offer myself at a lower rate just for me to get into the industry. and maybe this year will not be as sucky as last year. i'm getting my own apartment this year - a cute 1 bedroom apartment just for myself. and boss will be hiring new people to replace the 3 who has left. he should have learned his lesson not to hire another "housemate". so i hope that he will find some competent, nice, cute plu to work with me (i'm kidding i'm kidding...competent and nice is good enough for me). plus, it will look more impressive on my resume if i clock two years here instead of one. and personally, i do want to stay in this country a little bit longer because i want to visit places around this region before i go back. and as long as i promise myself not to get into another virtual relationship, i should be fine - NO HEARTBREAK in 2007.. woohoo!!! :P

so, in the end, i have decided to slug it out for another year here. and i will try to love this country this year. it's been a year but i don't think i know enough about this country. so i will try to know more about the country. instead of reading m'sian online newspaper everyday, i will subscribe to the local newspaper now (that way i will know when and where the sale is going on :P). i will blog more often. i will buy a treadmill and work it! :P. and i will try to live more stress-free and stop doing things that stress me. like shaving. or ironing. or cleaning my bathroom. from now on, i'm going to outsource those services. why? because i'm worth it! hahahah...

tomorrow, i will call the company in m'sia to inform them that i am declining the offer. i relly hope that they won't be pissed at me and will still consider me in the future (if only i could bribee them with something.. heheheh *evil thought). if they are, that would be the best. i would be able to get the best of both worlds eventually. but if they are not receptive to that, i guess i'll just have to let go of this dream job of mine. why? because this is what the people around me want. because of the money. because they want me to live their dream. i mean, this is partly my dream too. but i have another dream which i think is more noble (which is the job back in m'sia), and not as materialistic as this dream. yep, truth be told, i'm not really that proud of myself right now. it feels like i have lost a battle. i just hope that god will help me find a way to redeem myself later.

one thing i'm starting to realise is that maybe it's not so good to plan everything in advance. to think so much of the future. because life can just throw something at you that will tip the balance of your decision and your plan which will eventually cause things to be more complicated and makes the decision making process harder. just like what happens to me. if i wasn't such a planner, i wouldn't have gotten my friend to get me an interview when i was back home for just a week last hari raya haji. and wouldn't have prepared so well for it that i nailed it. and i wouldn't have gotten the offer which is now really the cause of my big headache. if there was no offer, there was really no decision to be made. i would have just stayed on for another year. but nooooooooo .... i just HAD to plan *grunts*

anyway, i appreciate you guys leaving your comments if you wish to do so (i do need all the kata2 perangsang that i could get :P), but if your comment is about how my decision is the wrong decision and how i should follow my dream and not others, please refrain from doing so. it's not that because i don't want to listen to your opinion, but because it would be too late. and believe me, i've been thinking about this for soooo long and sooooo hard. it feels like i have thought about everything there IS to be thought about in this matter. sampai demam2 (i'm not kidding). i'm just so bloody tired to think about this anymore. i'm just going into my second year in this country head on.

bring it on !!!!

APPALLED (AGAIN) BY OUR LEADER

2007-02-03T09:31:00.000+04:00

for some reason, reading malaysian online newspaper has been a depressing affair this past few days. and i'm not even reading about the crime cases (which by the way has gotten more gory by the day). why has it gotten more depressing? because i am beginning to realise that our country is being run by (to put it mildly) not so intelligent beings (feeling2 takut kena
tangkap ISA ni... heheh)

first it was the news about the toll agreement which got leaked out, then it was the uninspiring speech by our premier. and today - the controversy about some chief minister not
approving the application for building a chinese masjid. reading that news just made me flipped!
really, how stupid are our politicians? do they need to go through and iq test and get AT MOST an 85 to qualify as a minister? because that's how it looks like at the moment. not
approving the chinese mosque because it would segregate muslims? (big fat) HALLLLOOOOOOOO! if the arabs think the same way as you do, mr minister - they would not have allowed the quran to be translated to our language. they would not have allowed US to conduct the khutbah sembahyang jumaat in bahasa melayu for god's sake (pun intended). bodoh ke hapa? ingat islam melayu punya ke? segregate the muslims my a**. tu la... makan lagi duit rasuah bebanyak..kan dah jadi dungu.

how do we expect the government to run efficiently if so much time is wasted talking about issues which are not supposed to be issues in the first place? (you're right, we don't).
what is this guy so worried about anyway? that his ego will be bruised because the chinese converts would be more knowledgeable in islam than him? from his statement, actually
based on his statement, it doesn't take a lot to be more knowledgeable than him. even a definitely-not-very-religious guy like me can safely claim that i'm more knowledgeable than
him. (and i'm a plu pulak tu). ke saja nak flex his muscles?

dah la the chinese association are not even asking for money to build the masjid (which i feel they should be entitled for btw - because it's under Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia, NOT Jabatan Kemajuan MELAYU Islam Malaysia), nak mintak approval bina masjid pun tak bagi? nak kena panah petir ke?

is aiskrempotong-ism turning into a political blog? nah.. don't worry. i will still continue to write about my pathetic life as a not-so-hunky malay plu (since people seem to
enjoy that. seriously, sometimes i feel like people read my blog just to feel better about themselves. i'm imagining people after reading my blog feel grateful that at least there
is someone else in this world who is more pathetic than them. and once in a while, when they feel the need to reaffirm that fact, they'll drop by my blog and they'll chant to
themselves thank god my life is not that pathetic" over and over again, and then get on with the life with that affirmation. well, glad to be of service guys!! ;P

THE PRIME MINISTER AND HIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE

2007-02-01T22:17:00.000+04:00

one of the things that i keep hearing whenever i voice my desire to go back to m'sia would be "janganla balik... malaysian economy not very good at the moment. p*k lah not doing a very good job". although there could be some truth in that statement, i don't feel that the economy is THAT bad that i won't be able to get a job. i mean - hello, it's ME we are talking about here (ya allah, takabbur nya.... hahaha. i was just kidding ok?). and whoever it is that runs the country would not have a direct impact on my employment opportunities back home right. but after reading this, i got worried.

fyi, i've never been a big fan of politics. it's filthy, and you can never know what the truth is because all the channels which provide the information to us (the tv, the political blogs) would have some vested interest in one of the groups. how do i know what is right and what is wrong then? and for someone who is very susceptible to being lied to, politics is (and never will be) my cup of tea.

but i only came to this realisation as i grew older. when i was younger , i used to watch those live telecasts of the perhimpunan agung (remeber those non-astro days when all live telecasts could only mean that the show is great and thus should not be missed?) . it was quite exciting to watch them announce the members of the majlis tertinggi. i remember there was one time when p*k lah was a candidate for the majlis tertinggi. and i remember rooting for him (just for fun) because he looks like a very nice guy. you have to agree with me, among the one-look-and-you-know-they-are-not-very-nice-people politicians in our country, he does stand out quite a bit with his fatherly, innocent appearance right? but of course, it takes more than having fatherly, innocent look to run the country. a certain amount of intelligence is required. we are talking about malaysia here ok? a land where geniuses (like me and you - the reader :P) are born. we need a leader who can LEAD and guide us to greater heights. NOT to tell us to keep our buildings clean!

i don't know about you guys, but i was angered when i read the article! i mean, with all due respect mr prime minister, you are running a country here - not a kindergarten! do you NOT have anything better to tell your fellow countrymen than to ask them to keep the buildings clean?!! even if you feel the need to reiterate that to your fellow rakyat, shouldn't that be left to the city council mayor or something? just take a look at some of the redundant, non-value adding statements made:

The Prime Minister said no doubt Malaysia had many beautiful buildings, “but we need them to be clean and attractive so that people will enjoy looking at them.”

Abdullah said there were many housing estates and villages in the Federal Territories and advised the councils to ensure that these too were kept clean and pretty.

“People are an important element. Without dynamic people, cities become soul-less.
(and without a dynamic prime minister, the country will penni-less sir)

am i the only one disturbed by the unsophisticated way of thinking demonstrated by our leader? no right? RIGHT? (getting all flustered and sweaty for no apparent reason)

ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY

2007-01-31T22:57:00.000+04:00

those of you who regularly read my blog (yes, all 3 of you) would probably know that i'm very big on anniversaries.. and i always use my blog to commemorate them. birthdays la.. blogniversary la.. first time i had sex la.. (eh wait, that one not yet :P). anyway, today i'm celebrating yet another anniversary. today marks my first anniversary in this country - which means that i've met my personal objective before i came here.

WOOHOO!!!!! *wears party hat

now if only i can find someone to celebrate this with me....... sigh..

PRECIOUS SECONDS (LITERALLY)

2007-01-15T19:26:00.000+04:00

i know that i've mostly been very negative when i talk about this country. well, maybe there are times when i like to over-dramatise things. but mostly it's because there isn't a lot of positive things to say about my life in this country at the moment (i think this statement falls into that "over-dramatising" that i was referring to earlier...hehehe). anyway, this time around, i'm gonna be very impartial and unbiased about what i'm going to write. in fact, i'm just going to show you guys something to look at and write a very neutral and objective caption below it. so here goes:

Exhibit A
excerpt of aiskrempotong's m*xis phone bill (statement date : 24/11/06)

ok, scrap that idea about being impartial. i just have to bitch about this. this is how much i need to pay to call home - damn freakin' expensive ok?!!!!! while the rest of the world community gets to enjoy technology advancement such as VoIP, we, in this country are unfortunately not that priviledged. oh, and of course, being the sole telco provider in this country, etis(ial)-at can pretty much charge whatever they want. i personally think that calling someone from THE MOON shouldn't be this expensive. but hey, this is not the moon. this is even better than the moon. this is d*bai. where all the action is. where dreams come true.

well, not MY dream. (told you i'm dramatic)

EMIRATES DISCRIMINATES!

2007-01-13T18:03:00.000+04:00

sure - discrimination happens everywhere. even back home. some discrimination are actually good. like when you are in the lrt, and you are supposed to give your seat to a pregnant lady. of course, it's discrimination towards those of us who are not genetically capable of being pregnant. but it's positive discrimination. doesn't really hurt, right?

this country discriminates big time. it discriminates based on gender, it discriminates based on nationality and it discriminates based on your economic standing. so fine - gender discrimination is usually positive discrimination. they are established to provide 'assistance' to the so-called 'weaker' sex (i have a big problem with feminism). it is said that here, if you hit a woman (with your vehicle) on the street, you will go to jail straight (which is among the reasons why i've decided not to drive here). no questions asked. however, this is not the case of you knock down a guy. now being a guy - i'm not so happy with this law :P.

recently, it has been announced that the government is taking some measures to improve the traffic condition in the city (which is wayyy worse than kl btw). and how is the government doing this? by imposing toll on EXISTING roads that lead to the city i think it will cost about 4 ringgit per way). the idea is to discourage people from driving into the city. and the only people who will be discouraged by this are the lower income people. not only do they have to struggle with little money, now they are forced to take the public transport to get to work - just so that the ar*bs can drive their gleaming rolls royces and jaguars on a less congested road. this is also the same for the parking situation in the city. to make parking more available for the rich, they are imposing meter parking at residential areas (most apartment buildings would have some stores on the ground floor, so parking space is fought between the shoppers and residents). thank god i don't drive here...

oh and don't even get me started on discrimination towards nationality. it comes in many different ways and aspects of life here. even when it comes to information. i just realised that currently there is local tv that airs the news in english. this country has about 6 locally-based tv channels, and yet NONE of them has news in english. being in a country where more than half of the population are not able to speak arabic, i find it hard to believe. and why is this happening - because we're being discriminated. they don't really care about us - not so much.

i was at the d*bai zoo a couple of weeks ago (don't ask why). but this is what i saw at the zoo:

notice how detailed is the information provided in arabic as compared to english. this is how the country is. discrimination is everywhere - even at the zoo! (note to self : jangan nak drama lebih2. learn arabic la you lazy bum!!)

p.s : oh yeah - talking about being deprived of information - this is a special note to docteur paul. paul, your blog is not accessible from this country (since the last few months actually). i don't know whether you will be flattered by this or not (hehehe), but i miss reading your highly sophisticated blog

I TUBE, YOU TUBE, EVERYONE TUBE TUBE!

2007-01-10T23:58:00.000+04:00

i'm not gonna bore (first and foremost) myself and you guys about my life dilemma at the moment. semua tu.. biarlah rahsia (wakakaka). for this entry, i'm gonna talk about something else.

now - do you guys ever wonder how does aiskrempotong spend his nights in a country where he only has five friends?

he youtubes!! :P

i would consider youtube as my lifeline. my saviour (from insanity, that is). it keeps me in touch with the stuff back home (konsert af, one in a million, mentor, new music videos). it lets me watch old school r&b music videos which i really dig (like this, this and this), it allows me to watch the america's next top model episodes which i missed and a whole lot of other things as well.

allow me to share with you guys some of the stuff currently in my favourites folder:

1. one of the most hilarious af2 moments - watch it until 2.35 and you'll see what i mean

2. af3 singing hindi medley - the performance is interesting .. but more importantly check out the comment thread. reading them makes me feel all fuzzy inside with pride (eventhough i was nowhere near the stage performing ..ehehe)

3. amy m*stura and misha om*r in some raya program - it's slapstick, but i almost died from laughing :P (amy m*stura tu sewel la! love her!)

4. family guy's stewie - they used to air this show on tv3 (i think). absolutely LOVE the show especially the stewie character. the odd-shaped head, the doe eyes, the british accent, the temper, the crudeness, the sarcasm - talk about character! awesome!! (oh and watch this one too!)

5. turkish singer tarkan - there was an article about him in the local daily here to promote his concert in d*bai a couple of months ago. he looked very yummy in the newspaper so i decided to search him on youtube. cute as hell with traces of plu traits. a possible george michael :P btw, he is the original singer of holly valance's kiss kiss. original song is called simarik.

so how? ARE YOU ENJOYS ??!! (i heard that this is what datin sitti blurted out during one of her concerts in s'pore. hehehe..) well, i hope you did.

A QUICK ONE

2007-01-07T11:13:00.000+04:00

ok.. i'm pressured to make this quick as the internet here cost for 4 USD an hour (yes, zali - i know that the hotel you stayed in london is more expensive). so this will be a quick one. oh by the way, i'm in sri lanka - waiting for my connecting flight to d*bai. initially, it was going to be a 3-hour transit .. but now that the flight is delayed (urghh!!), i'm gonna be here for 4 hours instead. finished reading my "The Edge" and "Mingguan Malaysia / Pancaindera" (gosip artis tempatan kena amik tau ok? wakaka).. and i don't know what to do anymore. the airport is not that big ..as big as senai airport i think.

my trip back was good. i feel like i managed to accom[plish a lot of things in the span of 8 days (originally7 but i ponteng sehari :P). and it feels good. managed to catch up with family and friends... meet new ones.. turning virtual friends into real friends.. going for interview.. yup, all in all i have to say that i'm quite satisfied with this trip. but now that the trip is over, i have one gigantic mega-sized decision to make about my life.

hating this.

oh well, what is life without making decisions, right? and i've decided to finish this entry here. will continue once i get back to good ol' d*bai.

good ol' ? *scoff*

TER-BALIK

2006-12-28T01:02:00.000+04:00

three days ago, i was still contemplating whether i should go to oman this weekend. since everyone is getting a four-day break due to raya haji, i felt like i should take the opportunity to visit another country around this region (you know.. since i may not have that much time to do that anymore if i'm going back for good soon). but none of friends here are available to join me (maybe it's because i only have like FIVE friends here). so i was thinking whether i should go on that trip alone or not. but now, i'm actually thinking about how many days should i spend in ipoh and how many days i should spend in kl next week.

yes people - aiskrempotong is (suddenly) going back!!!! :)

my company, keeping in line with the (incomprehensible) practice of this country, decided to announce a 3-day eid holidays THREE days befire the actual holiday, which btw means that i'm getting a 5-day break. and using my highly commendable mathematics skills (i juara kuiz matematik darjah 6 ok? ;P), i realised that if i could apply 2 days of annual leave, i'll be getting 9 days straight! and of course, the thought of going back to malaysia came into mind. 9 days seem like a decent enough duration for me to pay about 2.8 k for a return flight to malaysia (cost-benefit analysis la konon). i sprang into action almost immediately and called up almost all airlines that have flights to malaysia. and let me tell you, it's not easy to get ticket a week before the intended travel date ok? but alhamdulillah, i managed to get one. the timing could have been better.. but it's not so bad. so.. 3 days from today (or 2 - i'm still on waiting list on an earlier flight) i'll be in klia, down on my knees kissing the airport floor the moment i got into the main terminal (hahaha.. don't worry - i'm not gonna do it).

but this trip back, albeit almost accidental, is not without a mission. i've got few things that i plan to do when i get there. and unlike my last list of things to do when i go back to malaysia, my current list is more critical (and weirdly enough, i don't crave for food that much anymore.. although i still have a severe weakness for satay kajang and ikan keli.. ehehe). so may i present to you.. my list of things to do:

1. i am going to use every single gram of my baggage allowance to bing back my prized possessions here. since there is a possibility that i might be going back for good in march/april, i don't want to have to leave stuff that i wish i could bring back. so, i'm actually packing most of my books, my clothes, my shoes (i bought a few new pairs this year) and even my karaoke player back

2. i plan to attend one or two interviews during the time when i'm back. this, of course is dependant on my rezeki and my faithful friends and family member who are currently pulling strings like crazy to arrange them for me (there IS a reason why i put RESOURCEFUL on my cv :P).

3. i am going to look for some property investment opportunities back home. i think i should sign up for some additional financial obligations to keep me motivated and push me to work harder. it's not really happening right now.

4. i plan to make a visit to p*sat p*ngutan zakat n*geri p*rak to pay my zakat for the year.. and most importantly..

5. i'm just going to BE in m'sia and gauge whether i can just not be in the country for just another year.

of course, i plan to meet some of my friends back home as well. the last time i went back, i didn't manage to see a lot of people as i was pretty occupied with ..err.. something. but this time around, whatever time that's left will be devoted to my friends. for you guys (fellow fabulous bloggers.. eheh) whom i did not manage to lepak with the last time around (you know who you guys are), drop me an email and give me your contact number ok? i want to meet you guys too and i'll try to use my award-winning planning skills to make it happen. however, in any case, i will be going back again in a couple of months after this for a longer break (or even for good .. depending). so i guess it will not be that bad.

for three years in a row now, december has been a critical, nerve-wrecking, mind-numbing month for me. life-altering decisions, mostly career-wise, was made in december. looks like my life has it's own special events carried out on annual basis. i'm just gonna call december "bulan mencari arah tuju kehidupan" or "bulan menukar majikan" or something". maybe i'll have my own corny sub-theme every year (in the spirit of emulating our government). anyway, this is also the main reason why i have not been updating so frequently nowadays (and it's actually getting a bit difficult to write a decent post nowadays.. sometimes i feel like my brain does the program-not-responding bit (like what my laptop usually does) and i would normally click the 'end now' button ..and do something else. there's another big decision that i will have to make soon.. and (as always) i'm still indecisive. furthermore, a few recent developments which took place in the past one week has now make it even harder for me to make the decision.

everyone says that i should perform sembahyang istiqarah to get guidance from God on the best decision for me. but if one of the main reasons that i want to go back is to do something that is not acceptable in His eyes, is there really a need for me to even try? sembahyang TAUBAT seems more aprropriate..

ASKED TO LEAVE

2006-12-28T01:00:00.000+04:00

my 'infamous' housemate was asked to leave the company by my boss yesterday. i heard that this was going to happen, but not this soon though. so it still came as a bit of a shock when it happened.

i have to admit that i prefer not having him around. but there are of course different ways to not having him around. i was hoping that he would get another job (i know that he has gone for some interviews) and he would leave .. you know.. the conventional way (i.e. get another job and resign). but now, he is given 2 days to submit his resignation or my boss will issue him a termination letter. and no matter how a pain in the a** he can be, i actually pity him now.

for the record, i would not have kept him around anyway if i was my boss. he kinda sucks at his job. and couple that with a less-than-affable personality, it is very easy to see him as burden to the department. and his traits are just the exact opposites of the traits required to be in this profession. a total mismatch. but this thing could have been handled in a less dramatic and embarrassing manner. but my boss is not really the most compassionate person in the world either. maybe he has his own grudges on him that justifies his action. i dont know.. but i would have opted a more gentlemanly way to do it.

i had quite a long talk with my housemate today. and told him about many of the things that i wanted to tell him. why i (and the rest of the department) was always pissed off at him. i was not trying to add salt to the wound, but honestly, it's for his own good (i think). someone needs to tell him. someone needs to tell him that there are people like me in this world (who can NOT talk to him for 2 days just because he did not hold the door to the person behind him [and the person behind him was not even me!]). and a lot of other things too.. but most importantly, i told him that this is probably for the better. in fact, i STRONGLY believe that this could be the start of something better. just like me, he doesn't have a lot of people to turn to here. so he needs all the encouragement that he can get. and i think i gave him all that i can.

him not being around will definitely effect my life here. a positive effect, that is (unless the person who replaces him turns out to be a much bigger a**hole than this one. but i think my boss has learned his lesson.. ). now i'm trying to imagine my life, staying in my own 1 bedroom apartment, not having him around in the office. doesn't look really bad actually. suddenly working here for another year seems a little bit less of a bad idea.

whatever it is, i guess i should be thankful that my housemate turns out to be the repulsive person that he is. or else, ada pulak yang bercinta dengan housemate sendiri nanti... (*wink*). and i wish him well. may he find a better job and a better housemate. but more importantly, i wish that he will change - for his own good.

THE WEEKEND THAT WAS

2006-12-15T23:42:00.000+04:00

my trip to doha was an eye opener to say the least. maybe i can call it a mini revelation (in more ways than one). apart from experiencing the asian games (which, btw, was a lot of fun!), i got a taste of how life in doha would be like as a m'sian expat (thanks to zali and his.. err..friend [tak boleh mention nama ek? plu blogger in the closet i think..hehehe]). and i can say that it's not so bad at all..

somehow, my trip to doha has made me hate dubai more. maybe because it made me realise that my life doesn't have to suck so bad just because i'm working in the middle east. and there is another place (which btw, is merely a 50-minute-flight away) that can give me the opportunity to earn more and to gain the experience (to enrich my so-called career) without having to put up with so much crap that comes with this place. there is another place where:

- you can access all the sites that you want on the internet
- you can use skype (and other VOIP service providers)
- you don't have to spend insanely long hours in the car just to get to work (currently, i'm spending about 2 and a half hours in the car every morning just to reach my client's office which is about 15 kilometres away from where i'm staying. that is how bad the traffic is here)
- you have a fellow friend of your own kind who you can oogle cute guys with and just be yourself (instead of pretending not to look at handsome creatures at the mall AND having to pretend to look interested when you see pretty girls.. because it is expected of you)

i know that first impression can be misleading. and things always look better on the other side. but i think i can trust my judgement on this. and that is why, i'm seriously considering gwtting an employment there.

before i went to doha, my mind was set about going back to malaysia next year once i got my bonus. actually, before i came here, i promised myself that i would at least give it a year here. and i'm living up to my promise (it's almost my eleventh month here). but i thought that i might as well wait a few more months for the bonus before i bid farewell. but the situation in the office has become more and more unbearable. two of my colleagues have found another job and are leaving next month (which, btw proves that i'm not the only one who has issues with the boss' way of managing things). and the ones who are leaving are the ones who i am closest with (and the more competent ones, in my opinion). i have a feeling that after next month, the situation in the office will be much worse than it is now. and i just don't know whether it's worth to go through the suffering just for the money? i know that we need to challenge ourselves to become better individuals, but i just don't know where the limit is. so far, i've been using other people's judgement on what the limit is because seriously, if it was up to me, the limit will be very very low (i'm very lazy).

now, i am back into the job-hunting mode. updating my resume.. applying for jobs online..i don't really like it actually. i think i've beend doing it way too frequently, specially for someone with only four years of working experience. there's just too many variables involved now. too many potential opportunities. but unfortunately, nothing is confirmed yet. i am not known to be a very patient man (although it's amazing how i managed to refrain myself from committing some 'acts' so far - as much as possible that is). so all this waiting and uncertainties are slowly killing me.

i hope that things will turn out ok... wish me luck guys!!!

p.s: someone actually wanted to boycott my blog for not writing sooner.. (peminat fanatik ke? ahaks..). anyway, here it is. but i think that the person will find this entry disappointing. i'm sorry ..but there are things that i'd rather not say here (i've learned my lesson). if there's anything that you need to know - just ask. i don't bite (and i think you know that).

TRIP-PING

2006-12-07T11:47:00.000+04:00

i still remember that around this time last year, i was in the middle of making a very big decision - whether to take up this offer to work in d*bai or not. a lot of things were considered. and just like a typical auditor that i am, i just had to make a list. the pro's and con's list. and i still remember that one of the things listed under my pro's was "i can go to qatar and watch the asian games".

insyallah, that will come true today :)

i may not be that much of a sportsman, but i do enjoy watching certain types of competitive sports (football not included). plus, i am quite a patriotic citizen of my beloved country (so patriotic that i'm willing to work thousands of miles away just to improve to the country's balance of payments :P). so, being the patriotic citizen that i am, i feel like it is my duty to board that plane and give my undying support to the national athletes (well..that - and to oogle at other countries' athletes in their sports attire (and i don't mean golf..hehehe).

it's been quite some time since i went for a trip. not just outside the country - even within this country. i don't know la... but since every corner of the country is covered with sand, i just don't find travelling around uae that appealing. sure, qatar will not be a lot different... but at least the games is there. plus, i'll get to meet some of the most famous plu msi*n bloggers in the state of qatar!! (kepada yang berkaitan, jangan kembang ok? :P). that's why i'm really looking forward to this trip. there isn't a lot of things that i can cheer about where i am now. at least, going there helps change that a little..

please let me get a seat next to a cute ar*b in the plane later... please let me get a seat next to a cute ar*b in the plane later... wakakaka

APOLOGY

2006-12-02T23:23:00.000+04:00

for those of you who have been checking out this blog for new entries, i'm sorry that i have not been able to post anything for quite some time. a lot of things has happened in the past few days / weeks that it has been hard for me to make any updates. let's just say that i'm currently taking life lessons on relationships and dealing with human emotions (in particular my own). all part of growing up. and to prepare myself for bigger heartaches in the future. i have to say, it's all been very challenging so far. overwhelming, in fact.

love is turning out to be harder than how i expected it to be. i thought the hard part was to find that someone whom you like who likes you back. i thought THAT was the challenge. but i now realised that even if you have that, it may not be enough. there's so many other things that can fail it. now, it's more like a gamble. i think i've just lost my bet. and i'm painfully paying for it now.

however, the thing that is happening to me now has enabled me to think clearer about the other aspect of my life. about the decision that i have to make in the near future. it was able to correct some misconceptions that i had about certain things. perhaps i can call it a revelation. but is the revelation worth the pain that i'm suffering now? i don't know... we'll see.

i'm not taking a hiatus or anything. but as i said, i'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. so it might be a while before i can write my next entry. in any case, i just feel like i need to write something just to let you guys know that i'm still alive (albeit barely). and i also know that most of you won't be able to know what i'm writing about. but sometimes, not knowing is good. ignorance IS bliss. trust me. because trying to forget something that you know - is almost impossible.

AISKREMPOTONG'S NEW FLIRT GADGET

2006-11-18T17:30:00.000+04:00

ok - honestly, i think i have one of the coolest phones around at the moment... :P

another testament to my good taste in things, eh? hehehehe...

MINGLING MATTERS

2006-11-17T07:44:00.000+04:00

if you throw me into a room full of single women - i'll survive

if you throw me into a room full of pakcik2 and makcik2 - i'll survive

if you throw me into a room full of kids - i'll survive

if you throw me into a room full of PLUs - i'll survive (and give you a big thank you at the same time :P)

if you throw me into a room full of 30-something, married, heterosexual malay guys - i will die a slow and painful death...

- aiskrem-potong

i was dragged by my colleague to a fellow m'sian's open house a couple of nights ago. after successfully declining 4 previous open house invitations, i just couldn't get out of this one. i was very hesitant to go because i don't even know who the hosts are (but here, all malaysians are welcomed at another malaysian's open house). but more importantly, i was hesitant because i was afraid what i imagine would happen, happen. unfortunately, it did.

from what i see during my first debut at a m'sians in d*bai event (a buka puasa thingy), majority of the m'sians here are in their thirties. most of them are married with kids (which suggest that they are ..you know... different from me). some would have their family with them, some would leave them back in malaysia. and the industry that these people are in are not really that diverse. majority of them are either working in the airline industry or the construction industry (in fact, me and my colleagues are the first batch of m'sian auditors that they know). these people would have their own 'clan' already. so when i go to these gatherings, i feel a little (actually very much) out of place. and when it comes to an audience of a certain demographics (malay, male, heterosexual, married with kids), mingling with them seem to be something that is next to impossible to do.

but i know that being here, this is something that cannot be helped. it's not like a have a lot of choices. if all they have here are abg2 and pakcik2 str8, i should just make peace with this fact and try and make friends with them. after all, 2 years ago, ALL of my friends were str8. i didn't have a plu friend (exept for me ex-housemate). it didn't matter so much to me then. so why am being so choosy about who i should hang out with, right? so, with that thought in mind - i went into the battlefield (the open house). i was determined to mae new friends. it was me against my unjustifiable inferiority complex. i was ready with my best smile and a bunh of my business ards in my pocket ready to be distibuted. but one i went into the battlefield, smiling was pretty much the only thing that i did. smile. salam2. tu je la. and eat. and smile while eating. i was so scared of these people's judgement about me that i couldn't bring myself to start a conversation with anyone. i decided 'cling' to my housemate (oh yeah, he came to the open house too with us). to me, as obnoxious as he is, he's still someone familiar (yes, it's that bad!).

it was only after some time that i braved my way and join a group of people and (make an attempt to) mingle. THIS time, i was clinging to my colleague pulak. you see, during the previous open house (which i didn't go to), my collegue told me that the other malaysians were surprised when they found out that this colleague of mine took his spm in 1996 (which makes him 27). since the rest of the people that he spoken to are mostly in their mid and late 30's and are very experienced hires (which means that they had clocked about 10 working years in m'sia before coming here),to find someone who is 27 was actually a rare thing. when they expressed their astonishment, my colleague told them "i have a friend who took his spm in 1997. i'll bring him along the next time". and true enough, when he introduced me to the rest of the people at the open house, he introduced me as "the guy who took his spm in '97". and the people were like "ooh..ini la dia.. kenapa sebelum ni tak pernah nampak pun?" and as usual, i just smiled. if it was a different type of demographics, i would have answered that question with some mild humour. but there has been cases where this of demographics were not very accepting or responsive towards my type of humour (maybe i'm just not funny - i don't know. but my humour seems to work on other demograhics - why not this?!!). to add to the uneasiness, my colleague actually replied to them "aku dah tak larat nak ajak dah. ajak pegi main bola tak nak, ajak pegi open house tak nak". damn.

some of the guys, upon hearing my colleague's comment about my reluctance to "participate" in these activities, told me that this would be the best time to meet other m'sians. to make new friends. to establish network. adoi. it's not that i don't want to meet other m'sians and make friends. but believe or not, i find this whole thing nerve-wrecking (and boring at the same time). nerve-wrecking due to the pressure to say the right thing and impress a group of people who i can't seem to remotely relate too. and boring because they only talk about cars and football most of the time.

now, it may be a cliche to say that guys only talk about cars and football. but in the span of 90 minutes (which by the way seemed like eternity) that i was there - 80 % of the conversation revolved around these 2 topics.

cars
- price of specific car models
- which cars are the most fuel efficient
- which car models are making its debut back home
- upcoming gt festival in d*bai
- which 4 wheel drive is the best for off-road expeditions

football
- 70's malaysian footballers
- 80's malaysian footballers
- golden moments during some merdeka cup thingy which happenned in 1980
- who (among the guests) represented (kelas, sekolah,daerah) what during their school days

*the remaining 20% was spent talking about their jobs and other miscellaneous items which are not so bad.

today is friday. every friday, there's a football thingy being organised by my fellow countrymen here. my colleague, an avid fan of football (and ex-state player may i add) has never missed it yet (i think). i on the other hand, has never NOT missed it (hehehe). but after all the brotherly advice given to me during the open house, i think i will have to attend today's session. but the thing is, i found out that there's a makan2 thingy at the consulate right after the football thing. which means another 'opportunity' to mingle and meet new people.
oh joy.

(RE)VISITING FRIENDS

2006-11-03T01:40:00.000+04:00

at first, i thought d*bai is a better shopping place than kl but only when it comes to designer stuff. but the other day, when i got the whole 10 seasons of friends dvd for rm110, it kinda changed my opinion. dubai is really a better shopping place than kl for everything! (well, maybe except for plastic items and tissue papers which are unbelievably expensive!). so right now, i've been watching less tv.

i was a HUGE fan of friends. although the show started showing in 1995 (i think), i only started watching the show in 1998 (i was in boarding school. we couldn't watch tv during night time). apart from it being a very funny show, i think the main reason why i liked friends so much was because of matthew perry. he was sooo cute (especially in the first and second season. got me smitten in an instant .. heheh). i was so hooked up on the show/him that when i was back in uni, i would use my monthly allowance to buy the original videotapes/vcd's. a cd with 4 episodes would cost rm30 bucks and i would try and get them from jusco instead of speedy because i could use my jcard to collect points (eheh). so, everymonth, i would put aside 60 bucks from my allowance to buy the cd's. and i would watch them over and over again like a maniac. i usually tapau my lunch and dinners and i would eat my meal in front of my computer while watching the vcd's. i would ask my friends and family members to get me friends vcd's for my birthday, indicating to them which episodes that i stll didn't have.

but my interest in friends died down after the 7th season. i guess i grew out of it. mostly because matthew perry started to look older and less.. err.. appetising (:P). and phoebe got meaner and meaner. the show became a but less funny. all this, coupled with the fact that the tv was showing the show on (almost) daily basis made me decide to stop buying the original vcd's. i stopped after the 7th season. all my videotapes and vcds are now in my bedroom back in ipoh in a special 'shrine' (actually it's just a bookcase :P), a testament of how merepek my pre-adolescent life was. but at that time, spending rm rm180 for a season of friends (when you are not even earning) didn't seem merepek at all (well how was i to know that a few years later i would be able to get all 10 seasons at 110 bucks!!)

speaking of friends, i'm going to have a few friends visiting me this weekend. 3 of them altogether. one is my standard one classmate who i always had this love-hate relationship with (let's call him W). the other one is my ex-schoolmate when i was in boarding school (a girl, we'll call her M). the third, is B, M's husband who happens to be my ex-coursemate in uni (who, btw is one of my least favourite people in the world. gosh, i do seem to have a dislike over quite a few people don't i? what can i say - i have high expectations of my friends..heheheh)

i wish i could write a bit more about them but i'm too sleepy. i need to wake up at 5 in the morning to pick them up (it's already 1.25 am now). anyway, let's just say that i have my concerns about them visiting me. the two guys have always liked to gang up on me (that's what heterosexuals do apparently) and kutuk2 me. i have been more tolerant of this in the past (maybe because i was a lot more patient then). but after staying here for 9 months, think i have changed a little. i'm more snappy now. seriously. and i'm afraid if they pull off one of their antics, i would lose it. and i would lose it bad. i don't want that to happen especially not when they are my guests. but i'm not sure if they know how to be a good guest...

RAYA REPORT

2006-10-28T20:14:00.000+04:00

since this will possibly be my only raya in this country (or at least i hope it would be), i will try to explicitly document what happened to me on 1 syawal 1427.

me and my malaysian colleagues (which consist of my housemate and my manager) have decided to go to this particular mosque that gives sermons in english. we thought that since we'd be wearing our baju melayu to the mosque, i'd be better if we go to a mosque where the 'international community' would be going to so that we won't stand out so much. as prayers would start at 6.45 am, my manager agreed to pick us up at 6.15. and he volunteered to give us wake up call at 5.30.

the night before raya, i went out with my boss' secretary (for the countless times). we went to baskin robbins (which is across the road from my house - how cool is that! :P). she had ice-cream, i had mineral water. i was sick actually (i still am. i think it's intially homesickness that is now translated into ...err bodily sickness. heheh). we had a very long talk and i ended up reaching home at 1.30 am. well at least i was keeping up with my raya routine - i always sleep late the day before raya. but at 5.30 sharp i was up, ready to face the dreadful day :P. by 5.40, there ws still no call from my manager. i got worried. i was afraid that he had overslept. so i called him. no answer. i got stressed (i always do when things don't go according to plan). so i woke my housemate up next. i believe my exact words to him was "eh, dah pukul 5.40 ni. aku try call (my manager's name) tapi dia tak angkat la. dia terlajak kot". and his reply: "tapi (my manager's name) kata dia nak bagi wake-up call pukul 5.30". what kind of response is that? but i decided to let it go and stop the conversation there. it is hard enough to get something remotely smart coming from him when he is wide awake, what more when he is groggy and just woke up from sleep.

after waking up the roomate, i went down to prepare something for me to eat. you know how it is sunat to eat something before u go for semayang raya? back home, i would've feasted on the raya food before going to the masjid. the rendang dinding, the nasi impit, the kuah kacang, the satay... but that morning, i was having spaghetti bolognaise (leftover from the previous night) and milo ais. what a stark difference. luckily, malaysia was celebrating raya a day later so i know that my family was still fasting at that time.

finished eating at about 6.00. went upstairs and saw that the housemate's room was still dark. so i woke him up once again. this time with a bit more attitude.

"weh, ko tak nak gi semayang raya ke?"
"tapi (my manager) cakap dia akan bagi kita wake up call kan?"
"habis tu kalau (my manager) terlajak sampai kul 9, ko pun nak terlajak sekali la?"
"haaa.. ye la ye la." (disgruntled tone)

this is a classic example of my housemate. number 1, he is incapable of thinking outside the box. of the "what if"s. and number 2, when people are trying to help him (like for example, me trying to help him NOT miss semayang raya in case if our manager could not make it on time), he thinks that i am burdening him. like i'm giving him an order that is against his will. like he's doing ME a favour by waking up. god, he can sleep until the end of century for all i care (just keep paying his portion of the rent and i'll be fine).

although my housemate managed to piss me off within the first hour of my eid, i still decided to initiate the mintak maaf ritual with him. mostly because i really don't expect him to initiate it. and being 4 yours younger (although much more matured) than him, i guess it was only fair. plus, it can''t be argued that aku memang banyak dosa dgn dia. melimpah2 dosanya...hahahah. so we did our salam2 and mintak maaf ritual that morning.

anyway, by 6.10, my manager called. he DID oversleep. but he managed to make it to our apartment at 6.30. at that time, we knew that it was too late to go to the english-sermon mosque so we decided to go to the mosque across the road from our apartment. and true enough, we got (almost) everyone staring (one thing about the people here is that they don't seem to feel that staring is rude. or they don't know if ANYTHING is considered rude because they are naturally rude. the first few months that i was here, i got a lot of full body eye scan from people in the lift. they'de be looking at me from top to bottom without blinking. maybe they find it hard to find a fili*ino looking guy in a shirt and tie and carrying a laptop bag in my office building).

after we found our spot (outside the mosque - the mosque was full), i started looking around. i discovered that people don't really dress up for hari raya. it was just like a typical friday prayers. some people were in the white robes, but some others were wearing jeans and t-shirts. it's hard to find people not in their baju melayu in the mosques back in malaysia. no matter how non-conformist a person is, chances are he'd be in his baju melayu on hari raya.

and then there was the takbir. alamak. takbir sini tak feel la. very robotic. i much prefer the takbir back home. but maybe it was a good thing that it was like that. if it was as mendayu2 as the takbir back home.. i may have gotten all emotional there at the mosque compound. it would NOT have been a pretty sight. and then, surprisingly, a lot of people left after performing the prayers and did not wait for the khutbah. and these are the arab-speaking people i'm talking about. many of us who waited for the khutbah are non-ar*bs like me who (especially in my case), has the comprehension of the language of a 2 year-old. not fair.

the other unfair thing is how we (back home) do not have the hug-hug-kiss-kiss ritual like the ar*bs... hehehe. they were a lot of this going on at the mosque after the prayers. ok i won't provide the details of this since this is a raya entry and therefore would be a little bit inappropriate.. but let's just say when i saw at the mosque looked like a scene from musicth*que (when a plu meets and greets another fellow plu).

ok ok ..moving on..

after prayers, we drove off to my manager's house as per plan (my house for the day). my manager told me that the reason why he overslept was because he slept late the night before because he and his family got back home late from the shopping mall to buy some chicken. the problem was, he went to a carrefour that was 45 minutes-drive away from where we live to get the chickens. all because the carrefour near our place was jampacked with people and he couldn't even get into the parking area. i got aggravated when i heard this. but since it's the morning of raya (and i was to spend the whole day with him and his family) i didn't say much. but i just didn't get it. just for your information, carrefours are not the only places in dubai where you can get chicken. you can get chicken ANYWHERE. it's not like he was buying 10 kilos of chicken that requires him to go to the hypermarket to get it. why couldn't he go to someplace nearer? kedai runcit bawah rumah aku pun ada jual ayam. isk...stress stress.

thank god the food (especially the chicken) was good. well i was eating with a blocked nose so i couldn't really tell. good enough i guess. after eating, i dozed off in front off the tv for a while, while watching kung fu hustle (in english!). i didn't know that the movie was so merepek. after that, my boss came with his family. followed by my boss's secretary. i have to say that it still felt festive eveen though we were not in msia. (it was funny because before the actual day, i would imagine myself sitting in a corner - sulking on the first day of raya. i imagined that my boss would ask me why was i so sulky and i would reply to him "because you did not approve my leave la!!" luckily that didn't happen. i wasn't sulking at all.

in the afternoon, upon hearing that the msian embassy in abu dh*bi was having an open house thingy in the evening, we decided to drive up to abu dh*bi. abu dh*bi is about 2 hours' drive away from dub*i. i had not been to abu dh*bi, so i was quite excited. but even with all the excitement, i managed to sleep the most part of the journey (must have been my cough medicine). when i reached the embassy, i saw a piece of kl/msia. so many malaysians! most of them in baju melayu / baju kurung. yang can do pun ada ...hehheheh. and the food was not bad too (except for the satay which was thai-styled. wayyy too chunky and not sweet enough).
i got to know a few people at the embassy. i actually striked up a conversation with this (can do) guy at the buffet line. he's probably 22-23. a bit rempit-ish.. hehehe. but nice. so we talked and he introduced his friends to me. i introduced my colleagues in return. one of his friends is spending raya here because his boss didn't approve his leave either (same story like mine). but the difference is his pregnant wife and 2-year old daughter is back home in kl. i'm still single (promo ke ni? heheheh). i then realise that i shouldn't feel so bad about myself because apparently there are people who are in a worse situation than i am.

anyway, after taking some photos, we left abu dh*bi at around 8 pm. reached home at about 10. i voice-chatted with some of my friends in the uk and went to sleep right after that. and that's how my first day of raya turned out to be. overall verdict: not so bad. better than expected actually.i guess it was an experience that i can share with other people in the future. when you say that you spent the first day of raya at an embassy open house .. it does sound cool, doesn't it. very the expat... hahaha. but i don't plan to do it again next year. next year, i'm going to be BACK for raya - no matter what!!

oh, and i plan to go to egypt during the raya haji break. saper nak ikut? :P

BRACING FOR RAYA

2006-10-23T01:22:00.000+04:00

tomorrow is the day that i've been dreading for the past couple of months. my plan for the day - go for semayang raya (which i just found out is at 6.45 am.. help me god) at this masjid that gives sermon in english. me and my colleagues are planning to wear out baju melayu to the masjid tomorrow (matila dapat free spotlight!). after prayers, we'll be heading straight to my colleague's apartment for some raya food. so far i've been told that there will be nasi impit (courtesy of myself..hehehe), kuah kacang and rendang. jadi la tu.... better than nothing kan? i hope my colleague won't decide to play raya songs when we are there.. that's be walking on tightrope (betul ke peribahasa ni). by afternoon, i hope to go back and go online with my family. hope that they'll get the whole webcam thingy sorted out (just like me, my family is technologically inept.. heheh). and at night, i plan to watch the takbir on malaysian tv and whatever rosyam nor movie which would be playing tomorrow night. so that's practically the plan for raya this year (just add some teary-eyed sessions here and there i think).

anyway to all my readers, i wish you guys a very happy hari raya.. and maaf zahir batin. especially for those of you who i have come to know personally, mintak maaf la kalau ada salah dan silap, tersalah kata dan terkasar bahasa... wishing all of you a very blessed eid. and to those not celebrating eid, enjoy the long break!!! :)

p.s: oh btw, this is my 100th entry. sedih kan? nampak sangat takde mood..

CRUSHED (AGAIN)

2006-10-15T21:22:00.000+04:00

let me tell you what has happened to me TWICE in the past four months. some guy said hi to me on ym after seeing my profile on some website. apparently, he thinks i'm kinda cute (i'm an acquired taste la.. fyi). we chatted. we clicked. unbelievably well. both of us were flirting with each other like nobody's business. i started developing feelings towards the other guy and he seems to be developing some feeling towards me too. before it went any further, i asked the guy whether he is attached with anyone. the guy would tell me that he as broken up with the previous boyfriend and has been single for xx months. thinking that it was ok, i continued communicating with the guy. after some time, i decided to do a stop check on where things are going (mostly because i want to avoid the 'bertepuk sebelah tangan' thing).

the guy would answer that he has feelings for me. that any guy would be lucky to have me. but he feels that we should just remain close friends at the moment. some (presumably bogus) reasons were given. after much interrogating, he finally admitted that his boyfriend wants to get back together. and now he's torn. he doesn't know what to do. i'm so far away... and the old boyfriend is someone familiar. he feels hopeless. suddenly he is the victim in this whole situation.
"but whatever it is, i hope we can remain close friends. i really enjoy your company. and believe me, i do have feelings for you."

loosely translated: i think you are ok... and i would want to have you as a back-up just in case things don't work out again between me and my boyfriend. you know.. the get-back-together -again thing? so until i know for sure, i'm just going to flirt with you - not too much until i'm having to commit to anything, but not too little until you lose interest in me.

WHAT THE FCUK?

for a guy he doesn't really get the chance to be in touch with other plu's back home. being crushed twice in four months is one time too many. not only it is devastating, it is EMBARRASSING. it's embarrassing how i let myself get into the same mess again this quick. i mean, what is wrong with me? why do i seem to attract these kind of people anyway? do i have a "I'M GULLIBLE AND YOU CAN LIE TO ME ALL YOU WANT CAUSE I WILL BELIEVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAY" across my forehead? and why do people have to lie? is it like a very plu thing to do? or is it the IN thing to do right now? whatever it is - i think it's high time for me to swallow the fact that:

PEOPLE LIE.. ALL THE TIME

i didn't want to be someone who is skeptical about everything. who needs to take everything people say with a pinch of salt. i didn't want to be like my mum (who thinks bad about everyone until she is proven wrong). i want to be someone who thinks good about everyone until proven wrong. but to uphold this principle is taking a toll on me. especially in the relationship department. plu relationship department. i have never been felt betrayed in my previous (not stimulating) heterosexual relationship. but i guess mum knows best.

maybe it has something to do with the fact that i don't lie. i don't lie because i'm a bad liar. and also because it's not a very good thing to do. especially if it's for your own interest one of the miss world 2006 contestants said that her motto is "don't do things to people which you don't like them to do to you." i think this is my motto too. . . i mean, of course being a closeted plu is all about lying. but it's not like i have an option. when there is an option, i would try not to lie. because i think honesty pays. but maybe it's time for me to do some serious re-evaluation of my whole "belief" system.

it is sad when your world forces you to let go of your good qualities. to be less of a person. it is sad that in order to survive, you need to sacrifice what you believe in. i'm an idealistic - i know. but i think it won't be long before i put that title to rest. it's the same thing about my (previous) character as a punctual person. i've put that to rest too. after being the ONLY person who arrives on time for the umpteenth time, i've decided to put a stop to it. now, there is one less punctual person in this world, and one more tardy person. and pretty soon, there'll be one less honest person in this world too..

aren't you ashamed of yourself, world?

AISKREMPOTONG-ISM IS ONE!

2006-10-09T00:11:00.000+04:00

*confetti everywhere* :p

it has been exactly one year since i started this blog. ONE YEAR! (woohoo!!) a lot has happened in the past one year for me. the past 12 months have been the most life-changing to say the least. and i am really glad that i've decided to start my own blog a year ago.

i was inspired to start my own blog when i stumbled upon this (now-defunct) plu-themed (:P) blog of this one 'very the kerek' guy (who now happens to be a very close friend of mine. he's my myspace account administrator... my mobile phone service connector ..dan macam2 lagi... hehehe. dulu dia rajin komen kat sini...tapi skarang dia dah eksyen.. :P). this was around july 2005 - 2 months after i started my new job in a very very very well known company (hehehe).i thought that the idea of documenting one's thoughts, trials and tribulations of being a plu (and other things) to the world in anonymity was quite appealing. and since the (then) new job was far less demanding than my previous job (which means i have a lot of free time in my hand), i decided to try it out.

when i started aiskrempotong-ism, the idea was just to document my thoughts and what was happening in my life. kind of like my own diary (that's why i decided in the beginning not to post any photos. to get the 'diary' feel). i realised that i'm not really good at remembering events which took place in the past (i think i'm much better at remembering facts instead). this is evident whenever i hang out with my high school friends. they'd be reminiscing memories of high school and some events or incidents that took place when we were there. but i can't seem to remember a few of them (A LOT of them actually).furthermore, it felt like the perfect time to start my own blog as it was also the time when i started coming face to face with my ...err.. sexual preference and exploring such relationships. so i thought i could document my thoughts on that as well. however this has been kept at a minimum due to .. emm.. lack of activity (and my exceptionally big mouth - if you know what i mean). and lastly, i just want to write to improve (or rather regain) my proficiency in english. i was once a rather competent speaker and writer in school. but it all stopped after high school. LOCAL UNI happened. everything deteriorated after that.

anyway, 365 days and 97 posts later (an average of 1 post every 3.76 days), my blog has helped me in more ways than i realised it could in the beginning. it becomes a therapeutic exercise when i'm stressed about something (or someone). it has provided me with an apportunity to get acquainted with some other bloggers out there (and some non-bloggers as well). some of them are now my ym buddy.. a few of them has become real-life friends. it has NOT managed to get me a boyfriend though (sempat lagi nak publicise my 'single' status kan?:P)

however, having my own plu blog has also given me some unfavourable consequences as well. first of all.. dosa bertambah (yeah, i know. i criticise people a lot in my blog. can't help it la.. :P). and secondly, it has (on several occasions) given me nightmares. yup, nightmares of people i know finding out about my blog. i'm telling you - it's no fun ok? so far, i've dreamt that these people have discovered my blog:

1) my 2nd sister
2) my elder brother (mommy's boy) <----- see what i mean?
3) my housemate
4) my ex-girlfriend's plu friend
5) one of my male coursemates in uni

and a couple of months ago, someone i know DID find out about this. luckily, she is one of the coolest cats i know. i may not be as lucky the next time. and there have been countless occasions when i'm talking to someone i know, and they say something that may suggest that they have discovered my blog. i know it's just me being paranoid, but i do get a bit more weary nowadays. but i guess it's all about taking risks. weighing the risks and the rewards involved. i did my weighing - and i decided to continue blogging. well, at least for now.

as you guys know, i'm kinda in a lonely place right now.. sure things are looking better at the moment, but sometimes it does feel a little lonely inside. so when i have people commenting on my blog and responding to what i've written, it really does mean something to me. and for that, i would like to take this chance to thank you guys, u guys may not know how some of your words have managed to give some impact to me. and it's really a wonder how somenow you don't even know in real life an give such an effect on you (God is great, kan?)

i am not gonna lie. i have been constantly checking my webstats. the main reason is of course to get an indication of how many people are actually reading the stuff that i write (which btw is not that many). i don't quite know why do i need this indication for, but it's just fun to look at the graphs and all the cool information that they can give me (for free pulak tu). but secondly, i would just get some information of my readers (especially the companies that they work for) particularly the silent ones. and it's quite amazing how i am actually linked to some of you guys (based on your company server name - if that's what u call it). how amazing? let's see..

ONE of you are working in the company where i worked for 2 years (but really really hope that u dont know who i am).
TWO of you are working in a company where i have once audited.
and ONE of you is working in my least favourite company in the world (i got called for your company's 'assessment day' TWICE but got rejected. nothing personal though - i just don't like your company. but i'm sure u are a nice guy.. hehehe).

well the rest of you, the server just says TMNet Telekom Malaysia.. so not much info there. once again, to everyone who think what i write is worthy enough of your time to read - thank you. i do write for myself (i think) but it sure doesn't hurt when you know other people take some interest in it too. it has been a great first year for aiskrempotong-ism and i hope this will continue on. but before i leave, i would like to clear some misconception about the name of this blog:

AISKREM POTONG is a type of food. it is a type of ice cream which i really enjoyed as a kid. it used to cost 20 sen and it was very yummy. a chinese uncle in a motorcycle used to ride around my housing area to sell aiskrem potong. he had this cute bell which he would ring will riding his bike. my favourite is the jagung flavour. in fact i would only have the jagung flavour. i don't like kacang merah. the reason why i chose this name is because i thought it sounded cute, approachable (like me :P) and easy to remember. it does NOT refer to a particular private part or genitalia of a certain sex. and it does NOT make reference to any particular act of sex which involves licking ... (i can't finish the sentence. tak sanggup). when i chose the nickname, it did NOT occur to me that it could be miscontrued in any other way than i intended it to be. i swear. i couldn't believe that i didn't realise it then. which, by the way, could not mean either one of this two - i'm too baik or i'm too naive. i think it's the latter... syukran jazeelan everyone!

p.s: i realised that i am late by a few minutes and it has actually passed the anniversary date. sorry about that. i have been rather pre-occupied with.. err.. someone. eheh.

ME AGAINST THE MUSIC

2006-10-06T16:40:00.000+04:00

no - i'm not a fan of britney spears (or madonna for that matter .. plu 'murtad'.. hehehe). it's just that a few nights ago, i decided to go face the music (literally). after days of intentional delay, i decided to go one-on-one with the lagu raya i dowloaded from the net. here is the review of the match:

ROUND ONE (TING! TING! TING! TING!)

contender: Sudirman - Dari Jauh Kupohon Maaf.mp3
size: 3,620,864 bytes
duration: 0:03:46

dengar intro pun dah start sebak dah. by the second verse, i had to take off my glasses and wipe my tears (alamak pecah lubang). and tears kept rolling down my cheeks. EVERY SINGLE LINE of the song stabbed me in the heart (well maybe except for the "terbayang suasana permai desa" part. my house back home faces a golf course. and i don't have a kampung. both my parents were born in ip*h. so feeling kurang sket la part tu). and it was worsened by the fact that it was sudirman who sang the song (it was sad how his life ended). at the end of the song, hingus dah meleleh2 dah (hahaha..gross eh?).

verdict: lagu raya- 1, aiskrem potong- 0

ROUND TWO (TING! TING! TING ! TING!)

contender: Aishah - Pulanglah.mp3
size: 4,263,936 bytes
duration: 0:04:26

aishah has a very soulful voice. it would've been easy to surrender to this song. but since the words of the song is really the OPPOSITE of what i'm experiencing right now. my emotions were left unscathed. and i have the images of the cheesy (and low-quality) music video (where she sings by the window of a kampung house and in the end her husband / scandal arrives home with a gleeful smile) the whole time. that definitely helped. tak sedih pun. VICTORY!

verdict: lagu raya- 1 aiskrem potong- 1

FINAL ROUND (TING! TING! TING! TING!)

contender: Raihan,_Nowseeheart,_Rem_Ajai_-_Lebaran_Ini.mp3
size: 3,739,648 bytes
duration: 0:04:26

a very nice and soothing sound. it started emotional enough. but i was able to distract myself by fixating the image of that extremely cute rem in my head (taste taste! hehehe). and plus, i suddenly remembered that this is a very vocally challenging song (it requires u to sing half of the chorus in one breath). feeling of to the challenge, i sang along. nice song... actaully leaves you with fuzzy feeling. so nope, i did not concede defeat :)

final verdict: lagu raya- 1, aiskrem potong-2

WINNER : aiskrem potong (yay!)

actually, i have another lagu raya that i have downloaded. the one from mamat. tak berani go up againt that song. gerenti kalah punya. dengar kat malaysia pun boleh meleleh air mata ... apa lagi kat sini :P

RAMADHAN KAREEM!

2006-10-02T23:12:00.000+04:00

kareem means noble, distinguish, generous."ramadhan kareem" is a phrase used to wish someone a good and hopefully rewarding ramadhan.

10 days into the holy month, i'm starting to get used to ramadhan here. at first, i thought that i would be miserable, not being able to do the usual things that i used to do back home. but i realised that it has not been that bad. i mean, i still miss the pasar ramadhan back home (they don't have anything like that here. in fact all food outlets are closed until maghrib. but they will open from maghrib until about 1.30 a.m. oh, and the shopping malls observe similar operating hours too.). but on the bright side, due to the lack of good malaysian food, i have been able to prevent myself from eating a lot. and the scale has consistently delivered me quite good news in the past few days :)

on a normal day, my berbuka meal would consist of buah kurma, my milo ais (3-in-1 from malaysia) and some self-cooked food. there were days when i only had slices of bread with chicken nuggets or chicken sheesh tawook (some boneless chicken grill thingy that you can buy frozen). yesterday, i actually made rendang daging using the perencah rendang adabi that i bought 8 months ago (there were some santan involved.. so i was a bit hesitant to try it out because it looked complicated. but it turned out ok. it actually TASTED and LOOKED like rendang ..yay!). of course, there were also days where i ate out.. so far i had japanese, mexican and thai for my berbuka. and i just realised that japanese food is super duper expensive here! an average looking california roll costs around rm22. kalau kat carrefour midvalley dah boleh beli 10. i guess it wil be a long time before i'll have japanese food again i guess. but whenever i have a decent meal for berbuka (they call it iftar here) , i tend to not eat anything for sahur (they call it sohuur here). and this routine has worked out ok for me so far.

for some reason, i have been going out a lot in the past few days. all by invitation (no.. my circle of friends here has not really been expanding.. but i guess we just got closer nowadays, nd my friends has started to realise that i make a good company.. :P). and because of that, i have been missing some nights of terawih. but i like terawih here more than back home. maybe it's mostly because of the convenience. my apartment is 90-seconds walk away from the mosque and that is just convenient. and all the masjids here are air conditioned. so comfy. i remember back in malaysia if we wanted to go to an air conditioned masjid we would go to masjid wilayah for our terawih. but finding a good parking spot there would be a nightmare. i can safely say that my apartment here is even closer to the masjid than some of the parking spots we landed on back in masjid wilayah... heheh. and sine the imam is an arab, i just find his bacaan more ...sedap. more character. with more emotions (seriously). and this is good. but of course, my journey to the masjid (or even when i'm inside the masjid) will not be complete without having a few pairs of eyes stare at me (i think they are bewildered at a sight of a filipin*-looking guy entering the masjid). but i don't mind. because i do my share of staring at other people in the masjid too (if you know what i mean.. ).

and what is ramadhan without the usual routine of shopping, splurging and over-spending? initially, i was afraid that i couldn't continue this routine of mine here because there won't be any motivation for me to buy new clothes (i've counted and confirmed that i will visit a maximum of 3 houses during hari raya. don't think that i'll need new clothes for raya this time around). but fortunatelly, i was mistaken. the ramadhan sale here is so crazy that you don't even need a reason to buy new clothes. the sale was a VALID ENOUGH enough reason to buy new clothes.. heheh. and i also realised that i can shop for other things apart from new clothes. so, as an effort to withhold the tradition, i decided to splurge on some designer hair care products :). and now, i have fabulous rehydrated, stong, elastic hair! (at least that's what it says on the bottle :P)

oh yeah, and i bought a pair of dumbells too. they're yellow. but as always, it's taking me some time to face my fears and actually start using them. same case like my (also yellow) pair of running shoes. it's like a new pet, i think. i need to give it space. and i need to bond with it first. and not rush into things. or maybe i'm just plain lazy (which i think is the case).

that pretty much sums up my ramadhan here so far. in a nutshell, it's not as bad as i expected them to be. and what a relief that is. but there's another hurdle - raya. can't believe that i actually need to brace myself for raya this time. hope things won't be as bad as i think it would be. i have actually downloaded some raya mp3's from the internet. but i haven't had the courage to play them yet. takut sebak. camana tu?

IT'S HERE

2006-09-23T23:31:00.000+04:00

time: 3.42 pm

approximate time to maghrib (iftar) : 2 hours 32 minutes

it's the first day of ramadhan today here. everyone (including me) thought that it would start on sunday. i went out to the beach yesterday evening (i'll blog about this next) and got home at about 8.30 pm. at 9 pm, my friend called.

"eh, tak gi terawih ke?" he asked.
"hah?! esok dah start pose ke?!"
"a-ah"
"la... ye ke? ok ok. thanks. nasib baik ko bagitau"

and so that was the start of ramadhan for me. it came without warning (kinda). i have never managed to complete my terawih EVERY single night of the month (don't have the discipline to do that.. eheh), but i seldom miss the first night. in fact, i can't even remember the last time i miss the first night of terawih. but last night, i missed my first terawih. i was too tired after a long day at the beach.

truth is, i have not been looking forward to this year's ramadhan and syawal. because i know that i will get sentimental about it. a couple of days ago, my colleague played sudirman's raya song and i was already choking back tears. pathetic kan? but i'm like that. cepat sangat boleh mengalir air mata. and i know that in the next couple of weeks, there'll be a few similar moments to come. and i can just imagine what will happen on the first day of raya. dreadful. simply dreadful. matila pecah lubang.. hehehe.

today would have provided me with another sentimental moment for me - IF my whole family is back in ipoh to celebrate the first day of ramadhan together (like we usually do especially if it falls on a weekend). THANKFULLY, that is not happening this year because my parents are not in ipoh at the moment. they are in mekah performing their umrah. so in a way, i am relieved. (even slightly happy). if i don't get to spend the first day of puasa with my parents - NOBODY can!! eheh..

since i am starting ramadhan a day earlier than back home, it probably means that i'm celebrating raya one day in advance too. and i'm quite relieved of this fact too. at least, when i am celebrating raya here, people back home are still fasting. and when it's the first day of raya in m'sia, it would have already been the second day of syawal here. so there's no opportunity for me to make direct comparison. and that is a good thing. at least, it will help me feel i little bit less miserable (i hope).

this IS my first ramadhan and syawal away from home. personally, it will be a challenging period for me (especially emotionally). i know i should try concentrating on reaping the benefits of the holy month. and i plan to do that. but at the same time, i am only human (a quite emotional one - may i add). and i know that as human, God will throw us some challenges during this month. dugaan-dugaan untuk mencabar kesabaran. and guess what - i already got my first dugaan this morning. in the form of my housemate.

it was 4 o'clock in the morning. i had woekn up for sahur. went to the kitchen and i saw that were some strings of noodles stuck at the sinkhole (and this is not the first time - i swear to God). apparently, the housemate made some maggi mee for sahur. and apparently, he doesn't use his eyes when he washes his dishes. or maybe he DID use his eyes, but expects someone (namely me) to clean up after him. i got so pissed. EXTRAORDINARILY pissed. naik blood pressure sekejap kot. i wanted to yell at him but he was already asleep. ok la, i'm not THAT mean to wake him up just to yell at him. but nevertheless i was so pissed. so pissed that i was scolding him in to myself (macam rehearse script pulak). and i don't usually do this. macam2 perkataan keluar. very good ones too (i'm quite good at making sarcastic remarks.. was born with the talent. even my mom pun tak tahan)

in the end, i decided to send him an sms before i went back to sleep:

"clearkan lubang singki kat dapur. ada maggi tersekat. and it's your turn to take out the garbage"

and this morning - after i woke up, i went to check the kitchen. kitchen sink cleared, garbage taken out. nasib baik. kalau tak, ada je orang yang kena sembur first day puasa nih. and he actually invited me to break fast with him at his cousin's place after that. i declined (not very politely though). i don't want to be a hypocrite by having to say good things about my housemate if required when the fact is i have very little good things to say about him.

to everyone - selamat berpuasa. sambutlah bulan ramadhan dengan penuh kesyukuran. hope you guys are having a better first day of ramadhan than i am. and be thankful that you guys don't have to share a house with my housemate. i'm serious.

A DAY OF PLEASANT SURPRISES

2006-09-18T23:55:00.000+04:00

ok, time for my birthday report (well SOMEONE asked for it.. i can't disappoint my readers kan? eheh..)

first of all, to all of you who left me birthday wishes here - THANK YOU!!!! i don't know some of you personally, so it's really nice when people who you don't know wish you happy birthday... hehehe (but of course, it's just as nice to get birthday wishes from you guys whom i already know..:P).

all in all, it was a good birthday. what made it good is because the people i know do remember it. and took the trouble to wish me on my birthday. i know most of my str8 friends (actually ALL of my str8 friends with the exception of one.. grr) don't really read my blog (and i pray to god that they don't EVER get to read it) - but i just want to say thanks to them here. guys, thanks for the sms-es. thanks for the phone calls. thanks for the offline messages on ym. thanks for the birthday testimonials and messages on friendster.it's nice to know that eventhough you don't really get to hang out or be in touch with your friends as much anymore - they still remember your birthday (well, friendster birthday reminder may have assisted that process a little bit. but still..:P).

and as expected, i received birthday wishes from my family. mom and dad called (and gave the usual 'semoga menjadi orang yang lebih beriman' speech ..eheh), my sister called. my other sister sms-ed. my OTHER sister sent an e-mail (3 sisters - the brady bunch, remember?). but most surprisingly, my elder brother sms-ed me too. just for the record, he rarely does this (wait... nope, he had NEVER done this). i remember 2 years ago he called me up on my birthday. i thought he was going to wish me happy birthday, but he didn't. he just called to ask me whether i have borrowed his dvd or not. so to have him sms me happy birthday is actually a big thing.

the makan2 thingy that night went well too. there was a lot of food and a lot of singing (no filipino guys though synchro.. i didn't invite them on purpose). i told everyone that i was only buying kfc (hehehe.. teruk kan?). mostly it's because it's the easiest form of party food available and there is a kfc 10 minute's walk away from my apartment (talk about convenience eh?). and i did buy enough kfc for everyone (i spent 27 bucks on nuggets alone ok? believe me that was a lot of kfc for 12 people). but my guests decided to bring something for me too (maybe they don't really like kfc..i dunno). so, i was pleasantly surprised when they came over with food. one came with nasi ayam (which was absolutely yummy), one brought macaroni bakar. my boss' secretary came with a big bowl of spaghetti (my boss was not invited btw). and they got me a cake too! and managed to sneak it into the kitchen without me knowing. right in the middle of the party, they switched off the lights and brought out the brightly-lit birthday cake (26 candles ok?) and (of course) sang happy birthday. i was really touched by the gesture. i did not expect that at all from my new group of colleauges/friends here. i think they know that i'm not really enjoying myself here (well i haven't really been keeping this a secret.. eheh) so they actually made an effort to make my birthday a good one.

oh and guess what? i actually got presents too!! a necktie and a bottle of chicken spread (don't ask about the chicken spread - it's a loooonnng story). and to top it all off - my housemate actually HELPED me clean up after the party! it took me a while to recover from the shock of seeing him with a broom in his hand (heheh). but, the next day, he turned back into his regular self - an asshole. might as well at actually - i think i've had enough surprises that i can take for a while.

i was really touched by the things that happened on that day. but this sms touched me a little bit more than everything else (i got a little teary-eyed when i read it). it was from my ex-girlfriend (i DO have a couple of ex-girlfriends btw) and this is what it reads:

happy birthday (my name)!!
hav a good one!
KL misses YOU!

so simple, but yet so heartfelt.

26 YEARS AGO TODAY...

2006-09-12T21:10:00.000+04:00

... an ABSOLUTELY adorable baby boy was born, bringing bundles of joy to an already big family of 5 children. he completed his parents' wish of having 3 pairs of children - 3 girls and 3 boys. just like the brady bunch (ok i'm making this up... heheheh). the doctor, when delivering the baby, told the baby's mum this - "he's going to be a smart boy. he'll get 6 aggregate for his SRP" (THIS is true - honest! ask my mum if you don't believe me). and 15 years after that, true enough, the boy did get 8A's for his PMR.. (ok so the doctor was not psychic enough to predict the change in the m'sian education system..but still.. quite impressive eh?)

ok - so i turn 26 today. i am neither extremely happy nor extremely sad. not EXTREMELY happy because i am not expecting much of a celebration with my new friends here. and i keep thinking about what i'd be doing on this day with my friends if i was back in kl. but at the same time, i'm NOT very sad because there'll be some sort of celebration later today.. so it should be quite fun.

surprisingly, i'm not cringing of the fact that i'm now 26 (at least not yet!). i think, based on how i see myself as a person - 26 is actually an appropriate age for me now. just nice. maybe it's because i'm not comparing myself with other 26 year olds i know. i guess at least there's one thing about being away from your country, you are not surrounded by ex-classmates / ex-unimates who are 26 AND already married with a kid or two to make me feel inadequate or unaccomplished (especially in THAT particular area).

anyway, i am not the only one who is celebrating my 26th birthday today. fyi, there are some other cute guys who were born exactly 26 years ago today (apart from me, that is :P). ben savage (from the sitcom boy meets world) shares the same birth date as me. aid*d marc*llo (that 'still standing?' guy from the brylcr*em commercial) was also born on the same day.

check out my twin brothers:

twin brother #1 a.k.a abang long

twin brother #2 a.k.a abang ngah

looks like 13 september 1980 was a definitely a good day to give birth to a baby boy, eh? those who were born on that day all turn out to be absolute hotties! (hehehe...kasik can la... it IS my birthday today ok? ). anyway, happy birthday to abang long and abang ngah. but most of all, happy birthday to my most favourite person in the world - ME! :p

PAST CELEBRATIONS (OR LACK THEREOF)

2006-09-11T00:16:00.000+04:00

i always make a big deal out of my birthday. it is something that i look forward to every year. i'm not one of those people who can forget their own birthday (like my brother - how is that even possible?!!). coming from a big family (and being one of the younger ones in the family), birthdays had always been an anticipated affair for me. i used to get presents from all my siblings (i was much cuter and loveable when i was a kid). and every couple of years, my parents would throw away parties on my birthday (being first in class sure had its benefits.. eheh). but as i grow older, i seem to celebrate my birthday more with my friends and less with my family. probably because i was no longer at home during my birthday. and probably because the mere fact that i grew up from being a cute, adorable boy to this cute, adorable young man (ahaks!). everyone knows that celebraating with friends are much more fun!

throughout the years,i've had some good birthdays that i still remember. but i've got my share of not-so-pleasant birthdays as well. and i'm taking this opportunity to document them. you know, so that 25 years from now, i can have something to help me reminisce about the then good ol' days. so this entry is pretty much dedicated to myself 25 years from now (i hope i'd still be alive by then). but you guys can read it if you want to..heheh

GOOD BIRTHDAYS

8TH BIRTHDAY

it was sooo much fun, it was stress-free (cos my family did everything for me... even picking up and dropping off my friends) and i got loads of presents!!! most of the presents were books - something i liked so much (it was so easy to satisfy me when i was younger). i remember getting a lat comic book from my brother and ceritalah lagi! volume 5 (remember that book?) from my dad and some tractor that can transform into a robot thing from my neighbour which i hardly touched (early signs of plu-ness eh?). but, one thing that i can't forget about that birthday was that i got 3 bars of lux soap from a classmate as a birthday present. but it was wrapped nicely so i still loved it. :P

19TH BIRTHDAY

it was a triple celebration (celebration for september babies) cum class reunion for me and matriculation friends (i was in first year of uni at that time). the whole class (those who were invited.. there were a few not-so-cool or just plain weird classmates which we didn't invite) was there. not many of us had cars back then, so we really had to squeeze in) i think they were 20 people in 4 cars (3 of them kancil). we convoyed from my uni to mcdonalds bandar utama (this is pretty much what we all could afford back then). spend hours in there. the whole class pitched in and got each on of us a pooh bear (yup, from mcdonalds.. how convenient). but it was a lot of fun!!!!

24TH BIRTHDAY
organised a birthday party at my apartment. something which turned out to be a VERY challenging task. i had to deal with a crazy deadline at work a few days before the party (some million-dollar proposal which we eventually won :) ), which required me to go finish work at 11-12 midnight on a daily basis. but in the midst of the late nights, i still managed to draw a map to my house (using microsoft visio, nonetheless :P) and send out email invitations (with the map) to all my friends. borrowed my sister's deep fryer (half of the menu involved some deep-frying of some processed food..hehehe). i even bought a dvd player just for the party. and my housemates were such good sports. they helped me with the preparation for the party and entertaining the guests. and the party went well (no bodily injury, no shortage of food). everyone had fun (kan shima kan? hehehe). the party started at 4 pm and the last guest left at about 12 midnight. and the next day, i had to drive down to ip*h for an audit. penat.. but it was worth it!

25TH BIRTHDAY (SESSION WITH EX-COLLEAGUES*)
my friends got me on this one.they pulled a prank on me. a couple of days before my birthday, we (me plus four other girls) decided to meet up for dinner on my birthday. but that morning, one by one called me up, wishing me happy birthday and at the same time apologising for not being able to make it that night - making all sorts of excuses (ada makcik nak datang rumah la.. kena stay back at work la). everyone except shima. i was already very disappointed, but i decided to still go and have dinner with her at chilli's OU. those who 'cancelled' actually came. they were laughing their heads off, mocking how terrible i sounded on the phone when they told me that they couldn't make it. cess!!

BAD BIRTHDAYS

(SWEET) 16TH BIRTHDAY
it was the year when i first started boarding school (i was in form 4). and it was the first birthday away from home. it was the quietest birthday that i had. i was waiting for MY friends to wish me happy birthday in the morning. but no one did. class went on as usual. i remember feeling so miserable that day. thankfully, that night, my english literature classmates gave me a birthday card. thank god for that - i was ready to commit suicide that night (KIDDING!)

(KEY-TO-FREEDOM, LEGAL-AGE-TO-DRINK) 21ST BIRTHDAY
my birthday fell on the exam week. usually my friends and i would go out for makan2 on my birthday. but that year, everyone told me that they're not available for celebration cause they needed to study. they've passed me birthday presents earlier.so on my birthday, i decided to treat myself for a movie at the golden class (gsc mid valley). it was recently opened at that time and i wanted to try it out. but i found out that on that day, the golden class was showing a period movie (lord of the rings or gladiator or something). and i am DEFINITELY not a fan of such movies. so, in the end i opted for rat race that was showing at one of the regular theatres. didn't enjoy it at all as my whole "treating myself on my birthday" plan was jinxed. after the movie, i had lunch ALONE (on my birthday!!!) and went back to college. pretty sad, eh?

25TH BIRTHDAY (SESSION WITH HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS*)
not only did they had to postpone it to the 30 september (cos everyone was soo busy), it sucked because there was an impending crisis between 2 of my close friends (some drama about one girl 'stealing' the other girl's love interest. i tell you i've got some really dramatic friends). so in the end, one of them didn't come and the gathering was in a rather sombre mood. and i got some not-very-desirable presents. hint: don't ever give me chocolates for my birthday (i'm not your girlfriend and i'm already fat as it is), or a witch hat (i'm not a witch nor do plan to become one). or a plastic jack-o-lantern (i don't celebrate halloween). i know you're trying to be cute - but i'm a VIRGO. i'm PRACTICAL. i like practical PRESENTS. got it? eh yeah, and instead of getting me a birthday cake, they got me strudels instead, i hate strudels. (ok la ok la ..it's the thought that counts. but putting more thought into these things would definitely count MORE)
*last year, i had 4 separate birthday gatherings - 1 with high school friends, 1 with uni friends, 1 with ex-colleagues and 1 with (then) current colleagues.

anyway, this year will be the first time that i'm celebrating my birthday outside the country. and i'll be celebrating my birthday with a bunch of people whom i didn't even know up until 7 months ago. i'm seriously not expecting them to throw me a surprise birthday party or anything (seriously - what are the chances?), so i'm planning to throw a small makan2 session myself on wednesday. not expecting any presents too (again - what are the chances?). just want to start the year with some good deeds as a sign of gratitude that i'm still alive. well, that AND to show off my new karaoke set to my officemates :P

oh and by the way, you guys are invited. this wednesday, 8.30 pm (GMT +4.00). just give me a ring first alright. hehehe ...

HOUSTON, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM

2006-09-07T20:55:00.000+04:00

i just read that they have chosen the guy who's going to be the country's first astronaut. what a hunk! *swoon* i'll be looking forward to see HIM in a space suit.. eheh

however, i feel bad for the other doctor. he happens to be my friend (or was... we've lost contact after a while. but i think he'll still remember me. i am, after all quite unforgettable ... kakakak). he's a nice guy.. very good-natured, funny guy. and quite cute too actually (he was one of cleo's 50 MEB a couple of years ago. however, being photographed next to the model-doctor made him look a little less cute .. so kesian). i always admire cute guys with no attitude problem... heheh (inferiority complex kicking in).

but i guess even if he's not chosen... it's still ok. even if he doesn't get to fly to space, at least he gets to be the back-up and go for the training in russia. that must be a million times more exciting than checking the inside of the mouth of macho soldiers day in and day out (sure it sounds appealing to us .. but HE is not plu. oh btw he's a dentist with the ministry of defence).

anway, it WOULD have been cool if it was my friend who was chosen. i'd love to have friends in high places, and if your friend is an astronaut - it doesn't really get a lot higher than that does it?

i need more famous friends....

MAKE WAY FOR THE KARAOKE KING!

2006-09-05T21:38:00.000+04:00

how many people in this world can say that they have a karaoke machine in their their bedroom? well i CAN! hehehe...

yup guys (and gals).. i just got myself a dvd/vcd/svcd/audio cd/mp3/jpg/karaoke player last night (that's what's written on the box anyway). it cost me around 700 bucks... EASILY among the best purchases i've made in my entire LIFE!!! (it even beats my 100 bucks d&c shades i think..hehehe). i don't think they sell this back in m'sia. the player comes with a cd that has more than 30,000 songs in like 10 languages (including indonesian!!). they've got lots of songs from glenn, marcell, peter pan, padi, dewa and so7 in it. and there are actually some malaysian songs terselit in between the indonesian songs (like from our datin s*ti, sheila m*jid and slam (err..eww)). and the english songs are great too!!! it's even better than the song selection they have in news ktv or red box. i was ECSTATIC going through the playlist. soooooo many good songs!!! i was even giddy at one point from jubilation (is that even possible?). love it love it love it!! i mean, sure they don't have hazami or rem or SHIDEE (hahaha that's for you lan) in the playlist, but hello? - i got this in freakin' d*bai! at a freakishly low price, may i add. this is already more than what i can ask for!!

oh by the way (nak bangga diri sket.. hehehe), the saleswoman who came and help set up the machine was impressed with my (ehem) singing. all i did was sing boyziimen's a song for mama half way (tak sempat tarik pun the last part) but her jaw already dropped (well maybe not literally la... figuratively). she even said that she'll definitely give me a call the next time there's a karaoke competition organised by her company. isk bangga.. bangga..hihihi

i think i have finally found something that may be able to help me maintain my sanity here. looking forward to hours of musical fun fun fun!! oh, and if i bring this back home... you'll be seeing less of me in news ktv or red box. but i'll still go there... for dates and stuff (tactic nih...shhhh!);P

AS I MOVE ON...

2006-09-03T19:43:00.000+04:00

in 10 days, i'll be 26. 10 years ago (when i was 16), i would have thought that by the time i'm 26, everything would have fallen into place. i would no longer be a plu. i would already be married at this age. i would've have had one or two kids by the time i'm 26. life would be fine. i'd be financially stable, doing something that i like for a living.

how foolish a 16 year old can be, eh?

10 days shy from turning 26 - i'm still a plu. not married. not even attached with anyone (no girlfriend. no boyfriend). no kids. hating my job... but financially (quite) stable. ok so that's like 1 out of 5. not very impressive is it. i'm embarrassed of my 16-year-old self. but really, it's HIS fault for setting such high expectations on life ;P

anyway, as i move on from being a 25-year-old 'not so hunky' malay plu to a 26-year-old 'not so hunky' malay plu, i would like to document some of the significant changes that have taken place in my life at 25. changes that i see as a step forward towards adulthood and maturity.

25 is the age when i opened my first current account (which means that i have a chequebook)
25 is the age when i first bought a non-disposable shaver (i was using disposable all this while)
25 is the age where i started wearing boxer shorts

it's a weird list - i know. but these are things which i refused to be associated with earlier because to me, they signify adulthood. and i wasn't ready for it. maybe it's because throughout my working/adult life, i've always been the youngest in the group (mostly because i completed my degree in 3 years and stared working earlier than some other people). i was usually the youngest in my department in the companies that i worked for. even in my current company, i am actually the youngest in the department. so, there has always been the 'younger than everyone' feeling that has subconciously dissuaded me from acknowledging the fact that i am an adult. but at 25, i somehow managed to acknowledge that fact. maybe it has something to do with me working in a foreign country (which to me is a very 'adult' thing to do). i don't know. but what DO i know is that at 25, i have embraced adulthood.

AT WIT'S END

2006-09-01T15:07:00.000+04:00

you know those emoticons that they have in yahoo messenger? one of them is called 'at wit's end'. i never really really used that particular emoticon. first of all, it looks scary. and second of all, i was never really in a situation where i feel that way.

until now that is. i am OFFICIALLY at my wit's end with this country.

they have decided to block VOIP calls in this country effective yesterday. a total 100% block. previously, they blocked calls from yahoo messenger. but it was still fine for me because i still had my skpye (skype.com has been banned in this country since last year but i downloaded the application before i came here so it was still ok). but now, they've blocked the bloody thing totally that i can't even log on to skype!

this is just utter cruelness for me. this country, as it is, is filthy rich. is there a NEED to deprive the foreign workers like me (which accounts for 75% of the population) from communicating with the people our home country at an affordable rate? apparently, there is.

the last time i checked, making a phone call to m'sia using my handphone costs me about rm6.50 per minute. how do you even talk comfortably when you know that you're calling at such rate? but thanks to skype, i was still able to call my family and friends (not forgetting scandals) and chat mindlessly for hours. that is now a thing in the past.

etisalat - you SUCK!!!!! pbbbthhhh!!!!!

p.s: camana nak berskandal jarak jauh dah lepas nih?

(logo credit: 248am.com )

LOST IN TRANSITION

2006-08-28T22:04:00.000+04:00

something interesting is taking place in this country this weekend. the government here has announced that it is switching from a thursday-friday weekend to friday-saturday weekend. i guess they have finally realised that no man/country is an island and to be able to deal with other countries only 3 days in a week is a bit troublesome.

anyway, this transition will take effect on september 1st 2006. and because of this, some commercial companies (such as mine) are following suit. as result of THIS, i am getting this thursday-friday-saturday off (yay!). it feels a bit weird to be getting a day off due to this (due to technical reasons instead of celebrating an occasion). in any case - i'm not complaining. a day less spent in the office is never a bad thing! (my enthusiasm about my job is just so evident isn't it? ;P)

being the first long weekend here - i feel a little bit pressurised. i feel this need to do something special this weekend. just so that i can look back and say "oh... that three day weekend? i remember! that was the weekend when i (to fill in a very cool and exciting activity)!" but at the moment, it looks like that i'll be finishing off that sentence with a big fat NOTHING.

we (me and my colleagues - remember A and B .. and the housemate) had a plan actually.at first, a bunch of us were planning to go to this hotel on merdeka day as they are having a m'sian buffet there on the 31st. we thought that we'd be all patriotic and go gobble some m'sian food on merdeka day. but then, some of us had to back out due to .. ehmm financial constraints (my married colleagues are on 'economy' mode cos they're going back to m'sia for raya on self-sponsored tickets. plus, they eat m'sian food practically everyday cos their wives cook. so not so much appeal there). so the only people left are myself and my good-for-nothing housemate. due to the (sudden) lack of appeal of this plan, i've decided to bail out too (seriously, people need to pay ME 130 dirhams for me to eat with him.. eheh).

but i might actually be doing something after all. with my filipin* friends. eheh. don't quite know what we'll be doing, but my boss's secretary is coming up with something. will the cute filipin* guys be tagging along? not quite sure. but i personally am more than willing to accomodate them.. eheh. and i hope the 'something' that she's coming up with involves some opportunity for .. emmm.. bonding (eheh). j/k

and how will the change from thursday-friday to friday-saturday effect me? positively i think. it will be less weird - that's for sure. now, it'll just feel like i'm in kelantan or something. furthermore, i will be less compelled to be online on both days since a lot of my friends will not be online on saturday - most of them ym only from the office). this way, i can spend my saturday AWAY from my laptop and do some .. emmm ... soul searching.

yeah, right.

HAWT-NESS

2006-08-21T18:46:00.000+04:00

sorry guys... this entry is about the weather. no hawt guys involved (unless if you count me in... hahaha)

the desert, contrary to what one might think, is not always hot. it can be pleasantly cool and breezy during some parts of the year. however, now is one of those times. nope nope nope. it's summertime at the moment. and ironically, although summer would usually bring some poisitve connotations in most part of the world - here it doesn't.

how hot are we talking about here? quite hot actually. in the past month, the temperature has been lingering the 35-40 degrees. but there are times when it will past 40 degrees. the hottest i've experienced so far was 46.5 celsius degrees. gila kan? but it's a different kind of hot as compared to malaysia. i think it's becasue of the low humidity level here. that's why even when it's hot. you don't sweat as much. you just feel burnt. well, at least now i know how those raya cookies feel like when they are inside the baking oven. ;P

the extraordinarily hot weather has affected me in more ways than one actually. it has restricted my activities (but it's not like i am a super outdoorsy person in the first place.. but still.. i COULD HAVE decided to go for desert safari or rock climbing if it wasn't so hot..;P) and restricted my ..err.. bowel movement (i try as much as i can not to do my toilet business in the afternoon. the water is hot - it burns the skin. ouch!!!). it has also affected me financially (the air-conditioning needs to be on ALL THE TIME. you cannot afford to have an air-cond breakdown. you'll just DIE. and because of this, my monthly utility bills has gone to a about RM600 a month. people in m'sia - stop complaining about your utility bills ok? hehehe).

summer is also the time when the occurrence of sandstorm will be at its most frequent (i read this somewhere.. so don't quote me on this). but you can only feel the real impact of the sandstorm when you are in the desert. the actual desert (not when you are in the city). last week, we went to to this factory that was located about 25km form the city. the plant was literally in the middle of a desert (due to the highly hazardous nature of the product being manufactured). we were in the middle of the plant tour when suddenly ...whoosh! (that's supposed to be the sandstorm sound). we rushed to get inside of the building. but the sand was flying everywhere and i hd to squint my already very small eyes to maintain visibility. when we finally got inside the building, i realised that i already had sand in my MOUTH. pteww! (i'm going crazy with the sound effects today... heheheh). i had sand on my face. sand in my hair. sand in my ear. actually, it was fun!

anyway, i wish it would go up to 50 degrees celsius soon... you know why? because it is the law here that if the temperature hits 50, all businesses/ offices must close. so here hoping!!!! (i am SUCH SUCH a motivated worker aren't i? my boss must be so proud... ;P)

I KNOW WHAT I DID LAST WEEKEND

2006-08-18T01:09:00.000+04:00

my almost non-existent social life took the form of existence last weekend. driven from near-lethal condition of boredom on a thursday afternoon, i decided to call my boss's secretary. she is a 29 year old, single filipin* girl with good sense of humour (let's just call her J). i asked her what she was doing and she said that she was gonna go out to buy a new microphone for her karaoke machine. doesn't really sound like the most interesting thing to do... but at tht point - anything was better than staying in my room. so asked her if i could tag along. 20 minutes after that, i was already in a cab with J and her friend, K. objective - to find a microphone for her karaoke machine.

we decided (well actually THEY decided - i'm still not very familiar with the city i'm living in) to go to a departmental store located at this part of the city which i rarely go to. the place looks like jln masjid india in kl and we went to d*bai's mydin supermarket equivalent. mind you, the place was brimming of people. and 98.73% (heheh) of them are male. testosterone-charged, sexually deprived working class men. so whenever they see a member of the opposite sex, they would stop and stare (i'm not kidding). and they don't care how pretty is the girl as long as she is the girl. since i was walking with two girls that day, part of the spotlight was on me too (felt like a celebrity for a bit..heheh). i'm telling you - this place can do wonders to girls with low self-esteem :)

whilst shopping for the microphone, J told me that she was attending her cousin's birthday later that evening. and they will be karaoke at the party. my mind made a backhand flip upon hearing this (kemaruk nak karaoke) but i was a bit apprehensive about attending the party. being the highly introverted individual that i am, i'm just not comfortable being the odd one out in the party. but of course i'll be the odd one out in the party - i'll be the only non-filipin* around! so i politely declined the offer.

after getting the microphone, we decided to go to an adidas factory outlet cos i wanted to get some running shoes (yeah - i'm a cheapskate. but i prefer the term smart shopper better.. ;P). and i did get a pair (which by the way has not touched the soil even after 1 week cos i've been too preoccupied with work (read: LAZY)). and after that, we stumbled upon this optical shop that was selling designer shades at rm 100 a pair. yup - ONE-HUNDRED-FREAKIN'-RINGGIT (after conversion). the catch - you won't get the original carrying case for the shades. why ? beats me. but at a hundred a pair - who cares whether they come in the original carrying case or not!

after 10 minutes of scurrying the shelves of the whole store (yes- i am a wise AND fast shopper), i decided to get this pair of white-transparent dolce and gabbana shades. original price as peer tag - rm 665 (jangan jealous..heheh). the design actually screams PLU (well maybe not a scream.. maybe a strong whisper or a hiss) but whaddahell - a closeted plu needs to look good too sometimes right? hehehehe. whatever the case - it was a good buy. and making good buys always make me happy. i came out from the store with a pair of d&g shades in a speedo carrying case :)

and at that point of jubilation and elation, J asked me again if i wanted to join them to the birthday party. and i said yes (i was high at that time). she immediately called her cousin to inform her that i'll be coming (she actually called and said "oh btw, K is bringing a malaysian boyfriend" and giggled. i was like shit - matila aku. if there are any guys who fancies K at the party - this guy will corner me to the wall, grabs hold of my shirt and give me short, plausible warning). then i realised that i have just agreed to a night of possible awkwardness, discomfort and anxiety. crap! but it was too late to back out. so just to prepare myself, i stated asking J questions. how many people will be at the party (she said 15), what does her cousin do, is the cousin married, are there any cute guys who'll be at the party (wishful thinking.. hehhe)

so we were off to J's cousin's place. amidst all the anxiety, i was quite excited because i've never been to a filipin* house before. but before we went in, i said to J "J, if no one talks to me... please don't leave me alone at the party". she giggled. "don't worry - i won't". we rang the doorbell and J's cousin greeted us with this huge smile. god she could pass for a malay any time! but once she opened her mouth - she failed.. heheh. they immediately went on this high-speed conversation in tag*log. laju betul! as soon as i went in - i started to take off my shoes. K saw me doing this and stopped me - you don't have to do that here. she smiled. ahh..my girflfriend for the night was so sweet.

as i went into the living room, J introduced me to everyone. and i was flashing my best and friendliest smile to everyone while making a quick headcount. shit! they were already 14 people in the apartment - and there was more to come! "i'm gonna kill J for this".

we were immediately invited to help ourselves with the food after that. and J being the considerate friend/colleague that she is, asked her cousin whether there was any pork in the food. at first, her cousin had this puzzled expression on her face (maybe she was confused at J's sudden interest in pork because J doesn't eat pork). "no.. there's no pork in the food. why do you ask?". "because my friend here is a moslem and doesn't eat pork". the moment she said that, all eyes were on me (ok la ..not all. but those who heard the conversation turned to me. i guess during introduction J has left that bit of information out. ). "oh really? well dont worry. i got most of the food here from the chinese restaurant nearby". i was so thankful that she said that because the truth was - i was REALLY hungry. so after taking the food, i chose the most secluded seat available and dragged J to sit with me. she obliged.

everyone at the party was friendly. a few of them actually came to me to have a chat. i guess they find it amusing to find someone who looks like them but yet do not speak the same language nor practice the same religion. i felt a bit like a display item at the museum (but in a good way). and let me tell you - these people really know how to have fun! i don't know whether the booze played a part or not, but they were rocking and singing along for hours - NON STOP. the noise level was so high that i was constantly afraid if the police would come. i know i was going to be dead if the police had come cos i was the only moslem around and there was booze all around me. but luckily, they did not come.

one thing that i find so fascinating about them is the high five ritual. they were a lot of high-fives flying around all the time. after someone makes a joke - there'd be high-fives. after a song is over, they'de be high-fives. after a photo is snap. there'd be high-fives. so... hollywood movie-ish. and the guys would have a special handshake (which i still coudn't figure the routine out until the end of the party) and hug each other a lot (this routine i can adjust to in no time). so that night, i got hugged and touched cheeks with a few cute filipin* guys... hehehe. best best.
all in all, i think it was an enlighting experience. i realised that you can choose to be happy. it's an attitude. J's cousin and her husband does not live in a very big apartment. it's a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with a single aircond unit (everyone was holding a paper plate on one hand fanning ourselves throughout the party). a small hall is shared for the living, dining and kitchen area. but they look contented with their life and genuinely happy. so did most of the guests there. there was so much joy, warmth, laughter and brotherhood among the guests - it was almost inspiring. if anything, i have learned three things from the party:

- happiness is an attitude
- money is not everything (actually i'm putting this to convince myself that it's not so bad if i decide to come back to m'sia sooner than intended..eheh)
- hugging (cute) filipin* men is nice ;P

DISCLAIMER: there isn't a single part of the story written that was meant to degrade / disgrace a particular nationality or individual :)

SHE'S ONE IN A MILLION!

2006-08-01T21:21:00.000+04:00

ok, i know that the title is a little bit "out of character" for a plu blog. but i can't help it - she IS!!

i'm talking about dayanggnurfaizah by the way.

just finished watching the latest episode of one in a million on the internet (i hope they won't take this away from me by blocking bluehyppo). and she ROCKED, baby!

oh before i proceed, let me just declare that i have always been a HUGE fan of dayanggnurfaizah. check my friendster profile if u don't believe me (hehehe). in fact the only time that i stepped foot into planet hollywood was to watch her sing (not that there is anything wrong with it). i still remember the first time she appeared on tv. it was the golden teen search competition or something. she was this plump girl with not-so-flattering dressing (who could blame her? she was still young). but i remembered her. i really did. but it was only after watching her mindblowing performance during anugerah industri muzik did i start to fall in love with her voice. now, i am a proud owner of four of her ORIGINAL albums (i didn't get the first album cos i just didn't think that it's fair that they were giving it for free when you buy some makeup from ZA. TOTAL gender discrimination ok?)

when she tried out for the OIAM audition, it got everyone talking. a lot of (not very smart) people were saying that it's not fair that such accomplished artiste is entering a competition together with a bunch of amateur and semi-amateur singers.that it was a bad career decision that might really backfire. but they do not realise that THAT was the whole point of the show! apart from uncovering new talents, it is also intended to allow established singers to further expand his/her career. now at what point of her entering the competition is not fair?
but malaysians being malaysians (or rather malays being malays), we are not very receptive of new ideas or concepts being thrown at us ("what? a singer with 6 albums is competing with newcomers? INI TIDAK ADIL!!! JOM KITA KOMPLENNNNNN!!!!!"). and it doesn't help that most of the local malay entertainment journalists have the same backwards mentality. and as a result of this, the same question has been thrown at her again and again.. sigh .. "cliche sangat" (i'm quoting the words of the quite-cute zainallalamkadir who was the guest judge of last week's show)

to me, what she is doing is admirable to say the least. she's risking a lot by entering the competition.and she knows about it. if she loses, she'd be the 'that accomplished singer who lost to that newcomer'. but she is going through with it. clearly she wants this really badly for willing to risk it all. and that shows determination. and passion (macam poyo pulak but nvm). i can feel how much does she want to expand her career overseas. i can safely say that anyone who is a fan of malay r&b is already a fan of hers. whoever who is not already a fan will never be a fan. so the next logical step would be to geographically expand her base. indonesia ke, papua new guinea ke, solomon islands ke. but to do this, she needs money. and i assume with the things that has happened to her in the last couple of years, she has financial constraints (legal fees, previous self-financed album etc). then OIAM comes along, providing her with the opportunity to realise her dream. and what does a smart person do when she sees an opportunity in front of her? she GRABS it.

but as much as i adore her, i do wish that she can answer questions from the media better. smarter. cleverer. i wish i can let her borrow my brain and eloquence (kekekek) to answer the question. dayangg, the next time a reporter ask you the same question - please answer like this ok:

pbbtthhhh!!!!

hehehe.. just kidding

ok ok, maybe this would be a better advice:

"sebagai seorang artis ( this is again a cliche .. but we cannot run away from this one... nanti reporter boycott if she doesn't start her answer this way... heheh), dayangg memang berharap dapat mengembangkan bakat dayangg. dayangg nak menembusi pasaran antarabangsa. nak harumkan nama negara (oh we should never EVER leave the part about wanting to make the country proud bit out). tapi untuk dayangg mengembangkan bakat dayangg, ia memerlukan perbelanjaan dan pelaburan yang besar. mungkin dayangg kurang bernasib baik sebab kurang ada pihak yang dapat membantu dayangg dalam merealisasikan impian dayangg ni. tapi dayangg rasa dayangg tak patut diamkan diri. dayangg perlu cari jalan. dan bila munculnya rancangan ni, dayangg rasa dayangg tak patut sia-siakan peluang ni. inilah kali pertama ada pihak yang memberi peluang kepada kami artis-artis rakaman untuk mendapatkan apa yang kami perlukan untuk mempertingkatkan lagi kualiti industri muzik negara kita. dan di sini, dayangg ingin mengambil kesempatan untuk mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih kepada pihak eighttv di atas kesempatan yang diberikan (humility and gratitude is always key..heheh).

mungkin ada pihak yang mengatakan dayangg cuba menutup peluang bakat2 baru bila dayangg menyertai pertandingan ni. dayangg betul2 tak bersetuju dalam hal ini. pertama sekali, kita perlu lihat apakah objektif eighttv menganjurkan pertandingan ini. jika ianya adalah semata2 untuk mengetengahkan bakat2 baru, tak perlulah pihak eighttv membenarkan artis2 rakaman sedia ada untuk menyertai rancangan ni. apa yang dayangg lakukan ini MENEPATI objektif rancangan ini. tak patutla ini dikatakan tidak adil kan? dan lagi satu, kalau kita betul2 tak mahu untuk menyokong dan tidak menutup peluang artis2 baru, dayangg rasa dayangg tak bolehlah buat album baru kan? sbb bila dayangg keluarkan album baru, pastinya album itu akan bersaing dgn album artis2 baru ni betul tak? (pas tu buat muka sarcastic sket) yang awak ni encik wartawan - boleh tak tanya soalan yang cerdik sikit? dulu belajar kat mana?" (ok ok please ignore the last part)

yeah ....i know ... i'll make a GREAT local artiste kan? hahahak

anyway can i just say that i love the show? I LOVE THE SHOW. first of all, i feel that they finally found a match for that "oh i couldnt make a living being a musician in new zealand so i decided to come to malaysia where they listen to white guys like me" or "oh i only came to this country a couple of years ago but i TOTALLY know what this country wants" paullmoss. syafinazzselamat is one of the most outspoken local artistes around (and she has the self-confidence to match it). it's really great to see they go neck to neck with each other. and i do think syafinazzselamat makes more sense than paullmoss most of the time. the show also boasts the best group of contestants i've ever seen (i've been following local singing competition religiously since ramlahhram won bintang rtm... so i should know what i'm talking about ok?) they are a few contestants who are less talented than others. but what they lack in talent, they make up for it with their cuteness (ehehe).

but sadly enough, i don't think dayangg will win. not her, not the cute guys either. why? because i think it's going to be malaysian idol 2 all over again. sigh...

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS

2006-07-28T11:06:00.000+04:00

it is quite ironic that the day after i linked some youtube videos to my blog, they (as in the UAE government) decided to block the website. maybe they wanted to do me a favour. i've been watching that mishaomarandjaclyn video too many times that maybe they think that they should put a stop to it for my own good ..heheh (ok maybe that 's a little bit far fatched - i know). whatever it is, i have a real problem at the moment - HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH MY AF4 NOW?!!!

i try to make myself like this country.. but it seems like it has not allowed me to do so that easily. maybe it doesn't want me to. i've tried to not be so negative of everything.. of the things that are different here. i learned to adapt and make changes. but it feels like it is asking for too much from me. and i'm getting a bit sick of it.

before i came here, i made some research. but apparently no amount of research could have prepared me for the crap that i have to tolerate here. upon my arrival, i discovered that they have blocked myspace. fine. two months ago, they blocked flickr. and then a month ago they decided to blocked voip calls (on the grounds of protecting the local telecommunications industry - which essentially consist of one government controlled telecommunications company WHICH by the way made a profit of RM 2 b for the last financial year WHICH is not bad at all for a telco of a country with mere 4 million-something population). and now this. at the way things are going, it is not even impossible anymore that they'll block blogger.com eventually. not impossible at all. after all, they already have a standard reason for it:

when i found out that they've blocked youtube, i was furious. i told my colleague "that's it la. 6 more months and i'm getting out of here". he laughed.

but i was only half-joking.

LESSON LEARNED

2006-07-25T20:09:00.000+04:00

writing about matters of the heart is never easy. that is why i have been avoiding it so far. maybe i felt that it was a bit too personal. maybe it's because i'm afraid that if things don't go well in the relationship, it would be hard to forget about it as there would always be the entry to remind me of it. but this time, i actually feel that i need to make an entry on this. so that i can remind myself. and learn from the whole thing that happened. so this time, i'm making an exception.

cinta tegarkan hatiku
tak mau sesuatu merenggut engkau
naluriku berkata
tak ingin terulang lagi
kehilangan cinta hati
bagai raga tak bernyawa

aku junjung petuamu
cintai dia yang mencintaiku
hati yang dulu belayar
kini telah menepi
bukankah hidup kita
akhirnya harus bahagia

'cinta' by krisdayantiandmellygoeslaw

i used to hate this song (basically because i am not a fan of ms coleslaw there. she's just too weird for me). but i could never forget one line of the lyrics since the first time i heard the song:

cintai dia yang yang mencintaiku

this particular line had stayed in my mind like a bad jingle. maybe because i totally did not agree with it. with the whole concept. love someone just because that person loves you? what about what YOU want?

but something happened to me recently that finally made me understand what it means. it's just a pity that it took a heartbreak for me to understand it.

well such is life.

should really listen more to what the great singers are saying from now on. krisdayantiandmelly have said it, mishaomarandjaclyn have said it (and kicked some ass while saying it). even farhanandvelvet have said it. i should have listened. could have spared me some heartache..

cinta
biar saja ada
yang terjadi biar saja terjadi
bagaimanapun hidup
memang hanya cerita
cerita tentang meninggalkan dengan ditinggalkan
cinta…..

how true

BACK IN THE DESERT

2006-07-25T19:51:00.000+04:00

yup i'm back.. (well actually i've been back for 4 days now). back to reality. the reality that i don't seem to like so much. i remember feeling horrible when i look out the airplane window and saw the desert (as the plane was about to land). i hate the desert. i want my hutan hujan khatulistiwa (tropical rainforest) back!!!

9 more months before i get to see the rainforest again... and i'm counting ...

MY 80TH ENTRY

2006-07-23T20:16:00.000+04:00

many bloggers would have an entry dedicated on facts about themselves. not wanting to miss the bandwagon, i'm going to have my own 100-things-about-me entry. but instead of listing 100 things about me, i've decided to limit the list to just 80. why? because 1) to list 100 interesting things about me is a near impossible 2) i was born in 1980 which makes the number 80 rather significant 3) there's just a need for me to distinguish myself from the other people on the bandwagon...kekekek

i had carefully planned so that i could write this entry as my 80th entry. and i had planned to write about it while i was flying back to d*bai from kl. but since i didn't bring my laptop back, i had to request some stationery from this rather cute steward who was very helpful and obliging. at best, i can only take short naps during my flight. coupled with the fact that the flight that i took does not have individual entertainment unit (which means i have to strain my neck just to watch big momma's house 2), it's the perfect time for me to dig up really hard to find 80 things that's worth mentioning here. so here we go (in chronological order whenever possible):

1. my mom told me that I was the least problematic child to raise of all her children. Never gave her a problem during feeding time (no wonder I look like this!!)
2. when I was a baby, a robber tried to break in into our house. he was almost successful but my incessant crying (on that particular night only – remember I was a very good baby) woke my parents up and they managed to call the police on time. I was a heroic baby.
3. i was the first in my class from standard 2 to standard 6. i don't know what happenned after that. pre-adolescence kicked in i guess.
4. i was chosen to be in mini parlimen when i was in standard 5 but turned down the offer. i don't like cheap publicity.
5. my sister gave me and four of my friends tuition classes when I was in standard 6. she was pissed off at me during class cos I answered the questions too fast. She actually warned me to give my friends a chance.
6. so far i have only been admitted to the hospital once. it was for a fractured arm. i was in standard 3. i fell while trying to jump over an EXTREMELY wide drain while playing aci kejar. had to stay out of school for 2 weeks but still managed to be the first in class in the subsequent term exam.
7. i was the penolong ketua pengawas 1 back in primary school and setiausaha lembaga pengawas sessi petang in secondary school.
8. i started wearing glasses when i was 7. i should have started wearing it when i was 6, but i managed to escape from the eye test when i was in kindergarten. my first pair of spectacles was one of those too-big-for-my-face, brown-coloured, thick-rimmed plastic glasses that would personify a geek in a prof. razak mohaideen movie.
9. i still wear my glasses to work (in my attempt to look distinguished and intellectual), but when i go out socialising (a.k.a. buy groceries at carrefour), i'd wear my contacts. people say that i have nice eyebrows so i think i should flaunt my assets whenever possible (maybe because i dont have a lot of assets to speak of to start with)
10. i am too honest and naïve for my own good. during orientation week at my boarding school (I went to a boarding school after my PMR), the students were required to get the signature of all staff / teachers within 2 days. Some students were caught forging the signatures. We were asked to assemble in a room and the teacher announced “those who have forged signatures please stay in the room. those who have not may leave the room”. i was the only guy who left the room.
11. i think i have established that i love singing. but for me singing is not just a favourite pastime, it's also a de-stressing mechanism. i have kept my sanity in tact during those traffic jams in kl by singing in my car. i feel good when i reach those high notes (the word 'when' was purposely used instead of 'if' .. heheh)
12. i always imagine myself trying out for malaysian idol. and of course, being the master of my own imagination - the audition would go stupendously well.
13. whenever i get into a lift and find myself alone, i would start singing (to compensate for the lack of elevator music). as soon as the lift stops, i'd stop singing too
14. the first album that i bought was wilson philips. i bought it when i was 10. the cassette still works.
15. i only had a few celebrity crushes throughout my adolescent years. my first celebrity crush (as far as i can remember) was tommy puett from the show life goes on. i think i was 11 at that time.
16. it was followed by chris o'donnell after watching scent of a woman when i was 15. i would use my savings to buy all the videos of movies that has chris o donnell in them
17. when i was 18, i discovered friends (the sitcom) and was instantly smitten by matthew perry. i did the same thing that i did for chris. bought all the series and movies that he was in. but after the 7th season i stopped. i grew up
18. i’m embarrassed to say this, but I once sent matthew perry a card (i was 18 ok!) i got an autographed photo of him in return.
19. now that i allow myself to have crushes on real people, i don't have celebrity crushes anymore
20. but sometimes i feel like i am incapable of love
21. i have this weird need to close the door behind me properly when i am in a room since i was little. if the door is partially closed or is not closed properly, i would actually get up from my seat to close it
22. i have zero interest in football.this is a bit ironic because my dad used to play for the state and national youth team when he was younger (my dad is quite a celebrity during the old days apparently...heheh). he actually played during one of the malaysia cup finals.
23. if you go out with me (on a date or something ;P), chances are you woud see me order either one of the following beverages only - watermelon juice, milo ais or teh o ais. i strictly take old drinks only at any time of the day.
24. i don't take anything that has coffee in it (and this includes baskin & robbins' jamoca almond fudge)
25. i have low tolerance over spicy stuff. back home - when other people would request for 'sambal lebih' for their nasi lemak, i would request for 'sambal kurang, kacang lebih' instead.
26. i am also not a fan of durian.
27. or sambal tempoyak.
28. or gulai tempoyak for that matter.
29. despite all this - i am very melayu (although i am actually 3/4 malay and 1/4 chinese).i am not one of those urbanised malays who would try to disassociate themselves from their own race (which i think is seriously pathetic). i can speak malay with a very convincing loghat perak (it's fun!). and i watch malay movies in the cinema and buy (original) malay cd's just to support the local entertainment industry (although most of the movies are disappointing)
30. i have irritable bowel syndrome since as long as i can remember. whenever i have a nervous or uneasy thought, i would automatically need to go to the toilet. the morning before an interview (or a first date), my body would practically flush out everything that is flushable in my body. this means a minimum of 5 trips to the toilet in the span of 30 minutes. NOT FUN. and i think it's hereditary.
31. i need to shampoo my hair at least once a day. i have very thick hair that my scalp gets itchy because it sweats easily
32. i only use those creamy shampoos
33. i can't take minty stuff like polo or clorettes because i would sneeze as soon as i pop them into my mouth
34. i am a left-hander (which explains the obvious creativity in my writing...kekekek)
35. i have very nice handwriting (no use watering down the fact.. eheh). people have always complimented me on it.
36. but what i don't like is when they compliment me by saying "it looks like a girl's handwriting la". i hate it when they say that. pecah lubang.
37. i currently have 133 friends in my friendster. and in my testimonials - the word sarcastic / sarcasm has surfaced more than a few times.
38. my highest score ever recorded for bowling is 190.
39. the only sports medal that i have ever won was for tarik tali back in form 5. it was the sports day. we won gold.
40. i burn my tongue easily. but somehow i love sizzling mee (the food – not the ex-blogger) every time i eat sizzling mee i’d end up with a burnt tongue for a couple of days
41. i am a freak at organising my things. i maintain separate folders to keep all my statements (credit card, hand phone, car loan / housing loan deposit slips etc).
50. i also use different coloured clothes hanger to differentiate between work clothes, casual clothes, baju melayu etc.
51. i record my daily expenses in a planner since i was in uni. if u need to know how much did i spend on a particular day since 1999 – i’d be able to tell you.
52. the movie that i have watched the most would be “bring it on” (cheerleading movie which starred kirsten dunst). i must have watched it like a thousand times when i was in second year in uni (teen flicks rule!!!)
53. my least favourite song is aerosmith’s i don’t wanna miss a thing. can't stand it. ughh!
54. i always read the newspaper while i do my business in the toilet
55. i am currently using nokia 6610 which I bought from my brother (2nd hand) for 500 bucks back in 2004. cheapskate kan?
56. the last 3 watches that i bought were all swatches. i don’t think i should buy something more expensive than that at this point of time.
57. apart from d*bai, i’ve been to singapore, brunei, sri lanka, saudi arabia, france, uk, netherlands, austria, germany, switzerland, and italy (don’t be impressed by this though .. i went for a europe tour back in 2002 spent an average of 2 days in each of the European countries that i mentioned. learned almost nothing about the countries i visited)
58. but i’ve never been to sabah
59. there’s a cute steward who just smiled at me (*swoon!) heheh sorry got distracted
60. i used to read the sweet valley twins series when i was young. i later felt that it was too pecah lubang for me and decided to sell of all the books to a second hand bookstore. i used the money to buy my first cd player.
61. i have a fear of balloons. it’s called ligyrophobia.
62. i have a knack for remembering company logos and trademarks. but not roads and directions
63. i hate my job. not just my job – my profession
64. i don’t have a career plan. but all my friends think that i do. they think i am very ambitious. they cannot be more wrong. i just go where the money is.
65. i have no problem reading when i’m in a moving vehicle. i love doing it. makes me feel very efficient.
66. i am a very punctual person. i get aggravated easily when people are late.
67. i absolutely love children – especially toddlers. they are so cute!
68. but once they turn 4 or 5 and started becoming brats, i don’t play with them so much anymore.
69. i only learned about the existence of masturbating at the age of 16 (hehehe)
70. i don’t/can't watch black and white movies
71. i don’t think p.ramlee movies are all that great
72. i am NOT a morning person.
73. i am a terrible terrible liar. You can bet your life that every single thing I wrote here is true.
74. i am generally a polite person – until the other party mess up with me
75. i am a virgo who possess most of the good and bad traits associated with it. but i don’t believe in horoscopes
76. my zodiac says that i don’t make a good leader, but i am an excellent assistant. i totally think that it’s true. my current dream position is assistant manager. after that i want to go straight to assistant general manager. boleh ke macam tu ?
77. i have never once taken an alcoholic beverage
78. my favourite comic strips are baby blues and bizarro
79. when i chat with someone on irc, i give my real name.
80. i'm done!

there you go. 80 things about me - some self-praising, some self-humiliating. but all true nonetheless. it's all good baby!

p.s: i realised that by doing this entry those who know me would be able to pinpoint me even easier if they come across this blog. i'll just leave that to fate..

ONE WEEK IS NOT ENOUGH

2006-07-20T21:21:00.000+04:00

i am back in malaysia. been here since last thursday. and i'm already flying back to d*bai tomorrow.

ONE WEEK IS NOT ENOUGH!!!!

i know that i kinda promised a few people that i'd get in touch with them - but unfortunately, time did not permit. if you are one of these people - i'm SOOORRRYYYYY. i blame it on my boss. you should too. again -

ONE WEEK IS NOT ENOUGH!!!!

i DID try to update something when i was back in ipoh... but i couldn't due to the unbelievably slow internet connection (or maybe i've gotten used to the broadband in d*bai). plus, the spacebar of my brother's computer keyboard constantly gets stucked. how to blog like that?!! ;P

now i'm in kl ... blogging from my sister's computer (which is very risky ok ..... need to banish all evidence later)... enjoying my last few hours in malaysia until i go back next year... *sob sob*

i'm leaving m'sia with an EXTREMELY heavy heart.... and i'm leaving a special someone with an even HEAVIER heart....

JOYFUL JOYFUL

2006-07-11T00:25:00.000+04:00

i got the ticket! i got the ticket! i got the ticket!

*grin*

THE PASSING

2006-07-07T23:19:00.000+04:00

i received a call from my elder brother this morning. i already felt that something was amiss when i saw his name appear on my hp. he NEVER called. we sms each other occasionally. but he never called.

"eh, just thought that i'd let you know that uncle suffered a stroke this morning. he's in the ampang puteri now - unconscious. the doctor said that he is nazak already. i'm on my way to the hospital now."

"oh no... ok ok thanks for telling me. if there is any development, let me know ok?"

less than an hour after that, my brother called again.

"uncle dah meninggal. i'm still on my way to the hospital."

innalillah..

i have like a dozen uncles. but he is the only uncle whom we all call 'uncle'. he was my mom's younger brother. i would consider him among the closest uncles that i had. i remember when i was younger, we would always stay at his house if we go to kl (he was the only close relative who lived in kl back then). he helped our family a lot back then. he had always been there whenever there was a family event in kl. he would be at the college during my brother and sister's college registration day, he would be at the airport when we sent off my sister or brother to study in the uk. he even followed my mom to uk for my brother's graduation. my sister got her first job through his help. she stayed with my uncle for a few months when she started working in kl. i actually stayed with my uncle for a week during a job placement organised by my school when i was in form 4. but compared to the rest of my siblings, i was not as close to him as them. maybe because when i started my life in kl (in uni), i already had a brother and a sister who live in kl. so i was less dependant to him as compared to my other siblings. but nonetheless, i was quite close to him.

when i was younger, i remembered admiring my uncle. he was living in kl and his life appeared very sophisticated as compared to my dad. i remember sneaking to his room and i would see dozens of necktie hanging in his room. i would see bottles of perfumes lined up on his dressing table (some of them belonged to his wife of course but i remembered that he had a polo - the dark green bottle with the gold cap). and he had a tv in his room (which i thought was sooo cool back then. i was like 8 ok). it was very different from my dad's room. my dad did not wear a tie to work. and he definitely doesn't wear perfumes. and my parents didn't have a tv in their room up until a couple of years later. he was, in a way my idol when i was younger.

his health had deteriorated a little over the past few years. he had been required to go for dialysis on a regular basis. he was in and out of the hospital a ccouple of times last year. but of course, i never thought that he would go so soon. and so sudden. no one did. i think the whole family is still shocked. i know i am. i'm still a bit confused about my emotions here.. just now while reading the yasin for him, tears welled-up. but after that, i laughed my head off watching freaky friday on tv. and now while writing this, tears are welling up again.

sigh... even my emotions are indecisive.

anyway, i really appreciate if you guys can sedekahkan al fatihah to my uncle. i think that's the least i can do for him now. thanks.

NO ENTRY

2006-07-07T00:01:00.000+04:00

thursday would usually be the day when i write my entry. but not this thursday. na-ah. can't do it. today was devoted to do the following things -

i. call EVERY SINGLE airline that flies to d*bai and kl (there are some issues with my flight plan which i'm still sorting out... fingers crossed!)

ii. packing my stuff - i'm still figuring out how do i bring down my current 24kg luggage to the allowable 20kg (it was 30 kg before ok ... i even need to borrow the roomates luggage so that i have a lighter luggage. had to leave behind some things already... isk)

well that's pretty much it. so, nope - no entry for today (well technically - THIS is an entry. whatever). i HOPE that my next entry would be from malaysia...

god i hate uncertainties...

TWO SISTERS, A MAID AND A PAIR OF BRAS

2006-06-29T02:07:00.000+04:00

when i was working in kl, i used to call my sisters quite regularly. of course they can be very evil at times, but it's just fun to catch up with them sometimes - to know how things are with the nieces and nephews, to know what my mom has been talking about me behind my back (all my siblings do this) and gossip about the other siblings (favourite target would of course be that elder brother of mine..).

so last week, i called one of my sisters just to catch up on things. she lives in ipoh. she was fuming when i called her. not at me - at her maid. apparently she just found out that her maid was stealing from my OTHER sister (who lives in kl). but it was not money that she stole, it was a pair of bras (yeah..take your time. it took me a while to let the information sink at first too). and not just any bras, it was a pair of marks and spencer bras that apparently cost 180 bucks (ok, i'll give you some time to let THIS piece of information sink in too).

a couple of weeks ago, my ipoh sister went to kl for a holiday with her husband and kids. they went to pd and genting. my ipoh sister decided to leave her maid at my kl sister's house for 2 days when they went to genting. that was when she committed her crime. a few days after they went back to ipoh, my kl sister started noticing the disappearance of her bra (it's amazing how women can keep track of these things). so, she asked HER maid to look for it. over and over again. but of course it was no longer in her house. after a few sleepless night she finally decided to call my ipoh sister to ask. and true enough, after a spot-check session by my sister, she found the stolen items.

my ipoh sister went ballistic. she never really liked her maid in the first place. i personally don't really like this maid of hers either (which is unusual because i am usually ok with my sister's other maids). but this one is a bit mengada2 la. always craving for attention. she always exaggerate her laughs (she pretty much exaggerate everything actually). and too highly opinionated for her own good. and my sister gets pissed off by this all the time. when she found out that she has stolen the bra, she erupted.

she told her maid that she was going to deduct 180 bucks from her salary for the bra. 180 bucks is almost half of the maid's salary. the maid, upon hearing this (over-exaggeratingly) hugged my sister's legs and profusely pleaded "tolong puan...ampun puan". kesian jugak. half a month's salary gone because of a pair of second hand bras? definitely not worth it. but it's her fault. who asked her to steal those (ridiculously expensive) undergarments in the first place?

after that, my sister called my mom up to complain about what her maid has done, hoping that she'd get support and sympathy from her. but my mom being my mom, gave her usual UNexpected (ironic huh) response upon hearing the story. she said "la...baju dalam pun nak curi ke? mak ada banyak baju dalam yang dah tak pakai. boleh bagi kat dia". that is so typical of my mom... always failing to grasp the point of her children's complaints to her. in fact, when she came over to d*bai for a visit a few months ago and i complained how i had to live with that a**hole that is my housemate, she actually said "biarla dia.... kelakar budak tu".sigh..

anyway, after finished talking to my ipoh sister, i decided to call the crime victim (my kl sister).. eheh. the first thing that i asked her was "weh ... what the hell were u doing buying a 180-bucks pair of bras? too much money is it?". she laughed. "ala, they are very comfortable la.... i even got 2. that's how i realised that one pair was missing" (eleh, that is soooo a cover-up. i know she gets very weary and suspicious when it comes to foreign maids. fyi, my sister holds the peninsular malaysia record for having the most number of maids who ran away while working for her. we are trying to get her name in the malaysia book of records...kekeke). "so now you can sleep at night again huh?" i asked. "hahaha. i guess".

sleepless nights over a missing pair of undergarments? we should really trade lives, sis.

p.s: i'm watching beauty and the geek while writing this. all i can say is, thank god that richard guy didn't win. god, he is soooooooo irritating. even more irritating than azwan ali when he hosted the anugerah skrin last year.. hehehe..

< INSERT DEPRESSING TITLE HERE >

2006-06-24T23:21:00.000+04:00

this will be a short entry - i'm typing in the dark.

i'm supposed to go to bed early tonight as i need to wake up early tomorrow. auditing this company whose offfice is at the other side of the city. and i did go to bed early. lights were off at 10.30 pm. but 55 minutes have passed -and i'm still awake. decided to switch on my laptop and write something (but can't bring myself to get up and switch on the lights).

for two nights in a row, i've had trouble sleeping. it seems like my brain has decided to do some deep, profound thinking about my life during bedtime. about where it is headed. about what will happen. about happiness (and how hopeless i feel about finding happiness). about how unhappy i am with who i am now. and how frustating it is to know that i can't change who i am. and how the fact that i can't change who i am is making me feel dreadful amd miserable about my future.

thinking about all this makes me sad. and lonely. now my emotions are working over time too. i feel terribly alone here. i just wish that someone can give me a hug or something. but there's no one here...

i hate this feeling ...

OMEN TORMENT

2006-06-19T21:19:00.000+04:00

the first time i watched a movie in this country, it was the movie that won best movie at the most recent oscars. last week, i gathered up my courage to part with another 30 hard-earned dirhams (eheh..) to catch another movie. this movie has not won any awards yet, but personally i think it's going to be a very strong contender. but not for the oscars - the razzies. for worst movie of the year. how ironic...

i watched omen.

i was actually torn between the da vinci code and the omen. but being the (sometimes) anti-establishment guy that i am, i have a certain dislike about catching a movie that is given too much hype. too much publicity. i would probably end up watching these movies, but only on dvd or something. once the hype is over. don't ask me why.. that's just me (maybe it's because i have this unjustifiable need to NOT do what other people do. it's dumb - i know)

so anyway... we (me and a FEMALE colleague) decided to watch omen. i personally decided that since i had the horror of my life that morning (refer previous post), so why not end the night with some horror too, eh? hehehe. plus, i really like(d) julia stiles. she seems smart. and very genuine with her expressions. a good actress in my books. but never thought someone who looks that smart could even AGREE to star in this movie. guess you fooled me this time ms. stiles.. (or they fooled you. whatever)

the movie started impressively enough. but 3 minutes into the movie, they was a scene in italian (or whatever language they are using back in vatican city) .. but being in this country - of course the subtitles were in arabic. ok i got stressed a bit.. but unfortunately it was just the beginning. halfway through the movie i was already rolling my eyes every 5 minutes.

ok i don't plan to turn this entry into movie review... but i just feel that being a responsible citizen of the world, i need to warn everyone about this. you SHOULD NOT watch this movie unless you find the following things logical (just to name a few):

1. a child who was born with so much hair that no one could see his triple six birthmark on his scalp when he was a baby

2. a father, who, when told that his son has a triple six birthmark on his scalp went to his son's bedroom with a pair of scissors to cut his son's hair (to see the birthmark). after like 2 and a half snips, he found it. spot on!

3. a husband, after hearing the news that his wife that he loved so much is dead while he was in italy, decided to go to ISRAEL (to do some evil-child investigation) instead of going back to attend her wife's funeral.

4. a photographer who somehow CONVENIENTLY has access to important information of a dead guy (autopsy results, key to his house, his diary - basically everything that is required to help with the storyline)

5. a u.s. ambassador (who heads the u.s. embassy in london) who, by facial expression appears to be all intense and deep in thought throughout the movie but is such a numbskull! (ok this may not be THAT illogical after all...)

by hollywood standards, it was a terrible movie. i have to say that some malay movies make better sense than omen (and this doesn't happen very often). but how we were supposed to know that the movie would suck? we did not receive any omen NOT to watch omen before the movie. my friend, funnily enough said this to the ticket window attendant:

"can we get 2 omens please?"

we did not get it. we got 2 tickets to a lousy movie instead.

EXPOSED

2006-06-15T17:21:00.000+04:00

i had a minor heart attack today.

i was in my room, watching oprah on a lazy thursday morning (thursday : saturday in this country) . i had my laptop on and yahoo messenger was running but i just left it on my bed. it was a good episode of oprah and i wanted to finish watching it before i go ym-ing. once the show ended i returned to my laptop to see who else was online that i could harrass and violate while they were working (i do this every thursday and friday). but before i could even do that, i saw that i already had a message from an ex-colleague. it was a long one - numbered even. i thought "hmm... what is it that she has a lot to say about? we just chatted online last night.." i started reading the message. my heart stopped. i think my face went white for a millisecond. to my horror, it was my most recent blog entry (refer below). oh crap! my worst blog-related nightmare came true. someone i know had chanced upon my blog and now that person knows about my darkest secret!!

ok so maybe i did not really had an actual heart attack but it sure felt like it. i was trembling. shivering even. i knew that it was no use to deny it cause as she said (later) - i fit all the description. i'm in d*bai (i think that gave it away most.... sigh... too much for my effort to refrain ppl i know from finding out about my blog by spelling d*bai as d*bai...), i drive a savvy (as a 'good' friend puts it - tak ramai org yg akan tergamak beli kereta tu. i resent that ok sizzlingmee... ko punya kembara special edition tu best sangat la... ;P). i love going to karaoke. yup that's all me. even if it wasn't all these things, she would've found out anyway. she was the one who gave me a testimonial on friendster on which i decided to write an entry on a couple of months ago (brilliant me..). so ok, denying would be futile. so i used another approach - begging her not to continue reading like a lunatic. but it was too late. she said "don't worry. your secret is safe with me". great. that managed to freak me even more.

apart from being an ex-colleague, she is a good friend of mine. we worked together for more than 2 years. she treats me like a brother, and in some ways i treat her like an older sister. she's one of the friends who i can totally be myself when i'm around her. (but by being myself - i don't mean to the extent that i can admit that i'm a plu). we used to hang out together a lot when i was back in m'sia and even now we chat on ym regularly. just last night, both of us were on ym and she suddenly asked me - "so what's your blog address?". "huh" i thought, "that's weird.. i never told any of my friends that i had a blog". i, of course lied to her by saying that i didn't have any. she slyly remarked "kalau i dapat tahu siap la u...". i had a split-second moment of concern that she may have found out about my blog. but i brushed that thought away immediately. i already had a lot of things to think about that i felt that i shouldn't waste my time thinking about 'potential' problems. boy was i wrong.

after i finally managed to calm down, i started asking her how did she find out about this boring, unattractive, not-even-visually-stimulating blog. she said that a plu friend of hers told her about it. yes i was distressed at that time but i couldn't help but think (at least for a moment) "wah... someone actually made reference to my blog in his conversation"... ehehe. ok ... good enough.. so she has other plu friends. that may help a little. i actually wanted to ask her next whether the friend is cute or not but then realised that i was in a serious situation that requires 100% focus and attention. so i (reluctantly) decided to drop that question. what i really needed to know was how she feels about this. and i needed to make her swear on someone's grave that she would never let this piece of information out. so we talked about it. and thank god she was ok with it. it turned out that she has a few plu and transexual friends (well she can definitely add me in that list of friends now). she even jokingly asked me whether i'd like their numbers. i was stumped. i didn't know how to respond to the joke at first. it just felt weird having that joke to come from a friend who didn't know me as a plu up until 24 hours ago. but after a while, i was ok with it. i guess i have to live with these jokes from her now...

i also asked her whether she was surprised after finding out. she said that she was. but it was mostly because of the fact that she knows that i am quite a dutiful muslim (well.. actually there are dutiful muslims who are plu. it's just that we are less dutiful when it comes to these matters... because it's HARD). i also asked her if she ever sensed that i might be a plu. and she said no. "you disguised it well". hmm... i don't know whether i should feel triumphant about it or be more shameful of the fact that i've managed to fool a lot of people from my disguising (?) skills.

i did apologise to her for lying to her all this while. for showing fake interest in girls and all. surprisingly, she said that she understands. it was a relief. but now she is taking advantage of the situation. by blackmailing me. now i am expected to get her something from Tiffany & Co as a souvenir from d*bai. errr... hello - i'm not donald trump ok. but i have to agree with her, it's going to take a lot of discipline to keep this secret. especially when we share the same ex-colleagues who are now good friends to both of us. i hope she has the discipline required.. or i might need to kill her .. heheh (i'm writing this as if she's not gonna check out my blog anymore. ok la. to YOU, you better have the discipline or i will have to kill you.. ;P). in any case, i am grateful that among the non-plu people that i know, she was the one who chanced upon my blog and not someone else. i don't think there is a better person i know who can be more understanding. call me crazy, but i think this is all God's work. and the fact that it happened the way it happened - shows that God loves me in a different level that i've never felt before.

i'm not going to delete my blog just yet (although i did consider it a few moments back). but i don't know... obviously there is some risk involved here. what if it was someone who do not really like me who had come across my blog? he or she would forward my blog's url in a jiffy. i don't know whether i can handle that if that happens. maybe i'll get some 'authorised access' thingy enabled. i don't know. we'll see..

anyway if there is someone who knows me in real-life who have read this blog (and have figured out that it's me), please let me know. and talk to me about it. i can't stop you from being judgemental, but at least give me the opportunity to talk to you about it...

p.s: i was actually pondering about what to write about last night. and i think i was WISHING that i find something interesting to blog about. really got what i wished for, huh.

HOMECOMING

2006-06-09T22:08:00.000+04:00

guess who's flying back to malaysia for a one-week break? ME!!!!!

ok - shouldn't get too excited too soon. after all, i'm only going back in 5 weeks' time. and i still have another big project (read : crappy audit) that i need to complete. but hell - i AM excited! i'm already thinking about the gazillion things that i'm going to do when i go back. and being the organised (and forgetful) person that i am, i am preparing a to do list. here it is:

1. make a pit stop at the dengkil rest area right after touching down at klia - and have an all-i-can-eat session of satay hj samuri (omg i'm salivating jjust writing this!)
2. have mee kicap at the perak stadium's medan selera
3. mom's cooking (of course)
4. pay a visit to my old office and have the oh-so-yummy ikan keli percik at the cafeteria for lunch
5. dinner at ampang yong tow foo
6. spend mindless hours karaoke-ing at news ktv, yow chuan plaza and red box ria, sogo complex
7. catch a movie at the newly-opened cineleisure damansara (it IS opened, right?)
8. have a dvd shopping spree at low yat plaza
9. drive around in my car (i never thought i'd say this - but i miss my car ... :( )
10. watch konsert mingguan akademi fantasia (yay!)
11. have meetup session with friends, ex-colleagues (oh-uh need to start getting souvenirs.. )
12. meetup session(s) with current interest(s) (ehem.....)
13. watch gubra (i hope the vcd is out)

ok so maybe it's not really a gazillion things... but i do have some errands that i need to do as well. i just hope that i'll have enough time to do everything. and i hope i won't be so jet-legged to do all these stuff..

oh by the way, i could use some company to do some of the things listed above (well maybe not #3, #11 and #12)... so ... any takers ? ;P

VANITY AFFAIR

2006-06-01T16:51:00.000+04:00

one of the (very few) things that i like about living in d*bai is that you can still go and get a haircut even when it's 11 o'clock at night. this works great for me cos most of the time, i'd only reach home from work at about 9.30. and maybe it's just where i'm staying, but there's at least FIVE salons within walking distance from my apartment. i have seriously never been more spoilt for choice in terms of choosing a neighbourhood saloon.

i just had another haircut two nights ago. taking advantage of the situation here, i WALKED to a salon behind my apartment at 10.30 p.m. (now there's a sentence that i can never write in m'sia). the hairdressser was an egyptian. very yummy (you guys need to trust my judgement here - i'm not making this up). and friendly too. too bad he speaks like 10 words of english - "i speak arabic, i speak french. i no speak english". now the clever thing to do after that honest admission by the hairdresser would be to get up and leave. i mean, how do i expect him give me the haircut that i want if i can't even tell him what i want? but it was a little bit too late because he has already strated with the shaver thingy when he said that. and i was afraid that the next hairdresser won't be as cute... heheh.

so he continued on. along the way, he asked me a few questions. like what do i do for a living. actually his exact words were "what work?" to which i replied "accountant". then there was a confused expression on that cute face of his. "accountand? what accountand". alamak, how do i explain this? finally i just said, "bank. i work bank". "ah....". thank god he's satisfied with my answer. then he continued with playing with my hair (well, cutting it was more like it - but playing with it sounds so much better!)

how was the haircut? it was TERRIBLE. it was wayyy too short (my colleague jokingly asked me the next day when did i join the military). but for the 25 bucks that i paid, it was totally worth it. not the haircut, but the hair fondling and caressing that came with it.. heheh. i guess getting a haircut was pretty much the only physical action that i'm getting from another guy here. and how pathetic is that? VERY.

sigh ....i wish my hair can grow faster..... ;P. ouh-ouh, maybe i can brush up on my french before i make the next trip to the salon. then i could go up to that guy and say something like "monsieur hairdresseur , voulez vous coucher avec moi?" (don't bother correcting me, i know that it's wrong)

in my dreams that is.

SUPER(NOT)INTELLIGENT

2006-05-26T00:51:00.000+04:00

anyone who visits this blog would know (or at least assume) that i'm not a very IT savvy guy. i don't have an attention-grabbing template for this blog. there are no photos of gorgeous guys for (most of) the readers to feast on. all there is, is a photo of a guy's mouth (yeah, that would be my mouth). and there are no links to the many great blogs and sites that i drop by regularly. why? partly, because i want to keep it that way. but mostly, because i don't know how to do these things ;P. but as incompetent as i am, i recently found someone who is even more terrible at this than me. this guy brought a new meaning to IT illiteracy among young professionals. and this guy... is none other than my housemate.

he constantly needs help when it comes to computers. and he asks some amazing questions (not in a good way - amazingly dumb). questions that make YOU question about the quality of some of the students that the government chose to use taxpayers' money for these people to further their studies overseas. and i, of course get agitated so easily by his questions. and apparently, he is aware of this. so now seems to have this 'ask aiskrem potong last' policy whenever he needs help with his computer.

last week. his laptop crashed. it refused to swtich off itself. the off button wouldn't work. the task manager refused to appear. he was already breaking sweat. "alamak apsal laptop aku tak leh off ni?" i wanted to ignore him initially, but i was afraid that he'd pass out from hyperventilation. so i told him. "cabut the cable from the plug and take out the battery. cut off the power source. lepas tu switch on balik". he obliged. but a few seconds after that, he commented, "apsal takde beza pun?" at this point i was rolling my eyes already. very reluctantly, i walked over to his place. "ko dah cabut battery?". "dah". but the battery was still intact. "ni ada lagi ni?". "eh bateri bukan yang tu ke?" he asked me while pointing to the floor. it turned out that he disconnected the wire from the ac adapter instead. i was speechless.

he had to send his laptop for repair because it kept on hanging. when he got it back, he claimed that his windows 2003 was removed and replaced by windows xp. a few minutes after using his newly-repaired laptop, he piped out "apsal windows 2003 ni rasa macam lain? macam tak best la". i, as usual. ignored his comment. but he wouldn't shut up. "apa la kedai ni tukar aku punya windows. sekarang screen aku dah gelap. balik ni nak kena pergi kedai komputer tu balik." uih? that's kinda weird. screen gelap? the curious part of me took ovr and i went to his place to check it out. "nampak lain kan? jadi gelap" he was asking for my agreement. at that point i knew what was the problem. i rolled my eyes (penat la asyik roll eyes ni), walk over to the plug point and switched it on (yup, he didn't switch on the power). then i went straight back to my seat (i love making him feel stupid). he was caught in hid stupidity and now he had to admit it. there was a moment of hesitance (that egoistic guy). but he finally gave in and said "apsal la aku bodoh sangat ek?" sheepishly (victory!). i just raised my eyebrow. i've been wondering the same thing for a while now, really

well, at least i won't have to worry about him finding out about this blog eh? ;P

IMAGINE THIS

2006-05-23T22:08:00.000+04:00

i'm in my (master) bedroom on the first floor of a 4-room duplex apartment unit... somewhere in uae. i'm sitting on my bed with my legs stretched, my back against the headboard of my made-in-denmark single size bed. my fingers are dancing, hitting the keypads of my lowest-range-available-in-the-market HP laptop. i look at my laptop. not a single wire is attached to it. but somehow, i am connected. i'm vigorously scanning for cute (presumably) plu guys in friendster (this is as good as it gets here). next to my bed, there is a black coloured device with its LEDs flickering every millisecond.

ladies and gentlemen, i now have (wireless) internet connection at home.

sekian, terima kasih ;P

THE STORY OF A AND B

2006-05-18T18:31:00.000+04:00

meet A. married with one kid, A is a 27 year old malay executive who comes from batu pahat. having obtained good spm results and excellent extracirrucular activities testimonial (he represented the state for at least 3 sports), he managed to secure a scholarship from a bumiputera conglomerate to further his studies and spent a total of 18 months in australia to complete his degree (it was a twinning program). after completing his studies he began working for his sponsor. during the time when he was serving his sponsor, he was sent to qatar for two weeks for some audit work.

A just LOVES to talk. a very highly opinionated person, he feels that there is a great need for him to share with the people around him (or even the whole world if he can have it his way) his experiences. strangely enough, most of the experiences which he shares with his friends revolve around his time in either a) australia, or b) qatar. during conversations, it is most likely that he starts his sentence with either a) "when i was in australia..." or b) "when i was in qatar..." . it is highly unlikely that he has travelled to any other countries except for the above-mentioned countries.

whenever A sees something and find any differences between what he sees and how it is in australia and/or qatar, he feels obligated to share it with everyone. for example, if someone tells him that he or she wants to buy a ticket to watch a movie, he would voluntarily provide unsolicited information about how the cinemas are like in australia, how much does it cost, in which day can a person get cheap tickets and how the seats are not numbered. if his friends talk about the increase in petrol price in malaysia, he would (almost instantly) provide his friends with the information about how much does petrol cost in australia, which brand is the best selling brand and what was his favourite brand.

A is also a perfect example of a mr-know-it-all. he seems to have the answer for evertything. sadly, although what A says is always full of conviction, it often lacks credibility. his facts and statements are almost always arguable (which is weird because A cited answer.com as his favourite website). not gifted with a complicated mind, he often uses his experience and converts it to a factual statement. clearly, statistics was not his best subject in school.

for example, while driving on the streets of dubai, A and his friends caught a glimpse of a Hummer (that military vehicle thingy). seizing he oppprtunity, A quickly spilled everything he knows about the car - how the first person who got to first use it as a commercial vehicle was arnold (terminator guy) and how it is now the preferred vehicke for sports stars and hip hop stars in america. he also added that in malaysia there is only one person who owns a hummer. one of his friends, clearly agitated by his constant mr-know-it-all behaviour, challenged him to verify that fact by asking how did he know that. A, caught by his own lack of deduction skills, realised that he had to eat his words. he only managed a lame reply of "aku pernah nampak satu je kat kl dulu..." he realised that he was not in the capacity of making that statement he made earlier. what's worse is that he now realise that even a surveillance camera placed along the federal highway is not in the capacity of making that statement he made earlier.

A's habit of flaunting what he has is not only limited to his knowledge, but is also evident in his finances. utilising the credit card limit granted to him to its near maximum, A is a frivolous spender. that is, of course, none of anyone's business but his own. however, it becomes other people's business when he starts telling people around him of what he buys. and he never seem to fail to quote the price of the things he buy. again, this information is offered without solicitation. reliable sources (that would be A himself) has revealed that A is already debt-ridden with personal loan, car loan and 2 max-ed out credit cards (he does not have a property) but clearly, A is living his life to the fullest.

now meet B. an EXTREMELY soft-spoken person, B is 30-something auditor who is married with 2 kids. B did his degree in the US. however, unlike A, B does not make it a point to tell everyone about his experiences in the US. he would only do so when some asks him about it. B is also a wise-shopper. having learned his lesson from the past, he has learned to be careful when it comes to credit cards.

however, B seems to have a different problem. instead of a mr-know-it-all, B is a mr-i-have-to-ask-everything. although one would admire his thirst for information, it can get very irritating at times. this is because B has a tendency to ask redundant questions (also known as dumb-ass questions in some parts of the world). for example, B's friend was telling him that he (B's friend) had gone to a certain place for dinner last thusrday. B, for some reason only known to him, asked his friend back - "hari khamis malam jumaat ke?" . luckily for him, his friend was not a very sarcastic person and he replied B's query with a short 'yes'.

B also has a strange need to re-confirm what was earlier represented to him on a periodic basis. for example, one of his colleagues had told him that to get internet connection, one has to pay a 200-dollar deposit. within the next 24 hours, he had asked the same colleague about the deposit amount TWICE. not that he doesn't remember. he just needed to reconfirm the fact because apparently to him, ANYTHING can happen in a day. the deposit amount required to install internet is as volatile as the stock market in his opinion. and this constant need to reconfirm facts represented to him has been driving one of his colleagues crazy.

fyi, both A and B are my colleagues here.