AND SO IT BEGINS...

ehem.... bismillah... eheh
guess this would be my first time writing a blog .. and being the self-centered person that i am... i plan to talk about nothing but myself (heheh). don't quite know who would be reading it tapi... belasah je la...

now what shall i talk about today? maybe i should just provide the readers (if any) with a little bit of my background. ye la.. mukaddimah kan.. i am a 25-year old malay guy who's currently working in one of the major public listed companies in kat KL ni. baru je kerja kat sini.. about 5 months. confirm pun belum (and yet i still manage to start my own blog.. hebat tak aku..eheh)
currently i'm staying alone.. sbb malas nak share rumah dgn strangers. well, at least this is what i've been telling people. the more honest reason would be that sbb aku nak senang buat aktiviti2 plu aku.. heheh. now don't get any ideas... what i mean is that.. kalau aku nak tengok queer as folk ke... tak yah la sorok2.. in terms of bringing guys home.. no comments :)

i'm a str8 acting guy.. for the last 24 years i've been in the closet.. not a single soul knew about my queerness. and it's been hard (it still is). maybe sbb aku tak ensem sgt kot so org tak suspect.. selalu plu-plu ni semuanya meletup.. tgk je la guys kat dalam myspace tu. i would say that i'm pleasant to look at.. ala-ala cute la.. but i fall into the 'more to love' category.. hehe.. (working on it.. really hard). anyway, after switching to my new job.. and having a lot more time to websurf plu sites / blogs (i worked like a dog in my previous company - no time for all these stuff), i started to get in touch with other plu's.. so far it's been ok.. most of them are nice guys. but i'm still a bit conscious about the whole thing la... takut pecah lubang la kan.. so kalau keluar dgn diorg pun i'd be conscious a bit la.. mcm paranoid sikit

basically when i decided to meet other plu's i wanted to know what their life plan is.. i'm 25 now.. in 2-3 years i'll be in that ripe age to get married. actually sekarang pun dah ramai yg tanya dah bila nak kahwin.. maybe sbb financialy i'm a little bit better off compared to the rest of my peers kot (rezeki tuhan.. alhamdulillah). nasib baik i still have an older brother yg tak kahwin lagi.. so the pressure is temporarily off from my family. but eventually i will be in the hot seat and i just don't have an idea what to do.. how do you have a relationship with the opposite sex when you you have no sexual desire towards her? buat best friend bolehla.. mmg best friends aku ramai yg pompuan.. (dan kebanyakannya menaruh harapan kat aku sebenarnya.. hehe..konon-konon la). nanti kalau dah kahwin nak bagi nafkah batin camana.. kesian pulak bini aku.. tak pun kesian kat aku kena berlakon tiap-tiap malam.. eheh..

anyway, when i asked the question to my plu friends, most of them told me that they don't really want to think about it although it's always at the back of their mind. but i can't do that.. i have always been a planner. i need to plan ahead.. but this is something that i absolutely have no idea of how act on? any clues guys/gals?

ok la.. i guess i'll stop here for now.. nak sambung kerja sikit.. rasa bersalah pulak tak buat kerja nih..