UNWANTED ATTENTION

going to dubai has somehow been a little bit pressurising (there is such a word, right?) for me, especially in the non-plu relationship department. i mean, previously i have had friends who were interested to know about my 'status', but these are close friends of mine. but since the news broke out that i'm going off to dubai, i have had other people who have been asking me about it. they include my boss, my boss' secretary, my colleagues in the office, my mom, my sisters and even my younger brother(?!!). i never imagined that i have to lie to THEM about this. i think the people in the office are curious to know whether there is something that can hold me from going because believe it or not they really want me to stay. but when i say that there is no one special at the moment, they'd try to comfort me by saying things like "it's ok ... don't worry.. you'll find someone. who knows, maybe you'll find your future wife in dubai.." and i would just sengih-sengih and mumbled a half-hearted "maybe". yeah that's right - finding an arab wife is definitely on top of my to-do-while-i'm-in-dubai list.

then comes my family. my mom never really cared whether i was with anyone because she is busy finding a candidate for my brother a.k.a mummy's favourite (33 year old, straight and unmarried). not that i was complaining. but the other day, she popped the question. "dah ada girlfriend ke?" "isk, girlfriend ramai.." (the number of girls who used to call me up through my house phone would validate this i'm sure) "pilihla sorang bawak gi dubai.." again - ended the conversation with the sengih2 and mumbling2 ritual.

the same question was thrown by my 2 sisters. and not wanting to be seen as "tak laku" and "undesirable to women" i had to cook something up (which doesn't really matter - unless i tell them that i'm a plu, it would always be a lie). i don't know why but i blurted something like "i'm actually quite close with a few girls now. tapi since i'm going off, macam susah sikit la" my sisters being themselves, started asking for photos and details. excited habis (it's either they are happy for me or they couldn't wait to criticise my choice of 'girlfriend'- evil sisters!) i decided to ignore them. buang karan je..

if there's anyone in my family who might know about my queerness, it would be my younger brother. he used to LOVE going through my stuff. and being a plu, i have a few 'questionable' materials in my possession in my bedroom. mcm takut jugak pecah lubang dgn dia nih. but luckily he's not the type yang kecoh2. i hope whatever it is that he knows, he'd keep it to himself. but last weekend while having dinner with the family he blurted out "so abang xxx bila nak kahwin?" (we were talking about dubai stuff). uiks! was that i sly grin i saw that accompanied the question? aduh.. ntahla. i just casually replied "nanti la... muda lagi. tunggu kaya dulu.."

to make things worse, my friends and colleagues (actually just one friend and one colleague) who knew that i'm still single are trying to hook me up with some girls (one month before i leave for a foreign country - don't quite know whether it's a good idea or not). last thursday, while i was having dinner with a 'new acquaintance' (heheh), my colleague called. she had told me earlier that she wanted to introduce me to this girl that she knows - daughter of her friend. but when she called me that night, she was with the girl's mother. and she actually passed the phone to the girl's mother for her to speak to me (gasp!). since i always take interviews seriously (irregardless of its nature), i actually layan the makcik betul-betul la. (for some weird reason i always leave a good impression with the makcik makcik type ... son-in-law material habis aku nih.. heheh). and the next day, my colleague told me that the makcik has consented if i want to ask her daughter out for a date. hampeh.. now i actually have to bring this girl out.

my friend pulak sent me this message last friday:

"xxx, ko nak awek tak.bdk ofis aku umur 27thn.. muka ok body ok org penang..sedang mencari gak..klu nak aku forwardkan no dia..Parent dia doctor and pharmacist"

i know i should be grateful for having such caring and thoughtful friends, but i can't help feeling depressed. because this thing reminds me of my INADEQUACY. and how FUTILE everything is. that's why i don't really need all these attention and assistance cause they are making me feel crappy about myself.