CROSSROADS

i had wanted to write about a few things last weekend… as i didn’t have a lot of things planned, i thought that i would have ample time to do that. it was going to be my blogging-marathon weekend. but unfortunately (or fortunately for the readers ;p), it was not to be… i received a call on saturday night that has now left me with a big dilemma. and my functionality to carry out the things that i had planned has somehow been affected because of this dilemma (i did not even iron my shirt that i’m wearing to work today)

ok, so i got the dubai job (i mentioned about this in one of the earlier posts). received a phone call from my would-be manager on while i was driving around taipan usj with a friend looking for a place to eat. negotiated my terms of employment from my car with my would-be manager in dubai for 30 minutes (that was a first). he laid out the final offer and i’m supposed to revert back in 3 days’ time. it’s been one and a half days and i have going back and forth with my decisions about a million times… crap.

oddly enough, i have anticipated that this will happen. as grateful as i am of the rezeki that is being extended to me, i knew that if i get the job, i would have the toughest time making the decision. so tough that I somehow wish that i wouldn’t have gotten the offer in the first place. and to think that the reason that has gotten me into this dilemma was the fact that i wanted to try it out because my ex-colleague was not successful (i have this competitive side of me that can be self-damaging at times) has made me think of how a decision (to try out for this job) which was based on a shallow and not-so-noble intentions could possibly change my life so significantly, either for the better or for worse.

earlier, i had my reservations of the job scope… but after going through the third interview (yes, ladies and gentlemen – THREE rounds of interviews), i have the impression that it is not so bad and the expectation is not so daunting either. so basically, that part is resolved. and the salary package is not half-bad either. and i’ll be getting something that AGMs in my company are getting. my main concern that this is a decision is that it is hard to undo. i have switched jobs before (more than a few times.. may i add) but if i take up this job, it’s not that easy to just pack up and leave for another job. yes, i have commitment issues (eheh..)

i guess being a perfectionist (albeit self-professed) makes it tougher for me to make a decision. the need to make the right decision is tremendous (especially when you can’t undo it so easily – perfectionists are control freaks). but with the little knowledge of how things would be in dubai (if i were to take up this offer) leaves me feeling inadequate in making the decision. i just don’t know if i am up for it. i’m sure that there will be hardship, but will the three-fold increase in salary (i’m rubbing it in just a little bit am i not? P;) and experience gained be able to compensate all the hardship? i am generally happy with how things are going with my life right now in kl (well except for the unsure future of my present company and the fact that i am without a partner....sigh), but generally, it has been a long time since i felt genuinely happy with how things are with my life (and ‘opening up’ has something to do with it). and now i am supposed to leave my life at a point when i am happy because it this new job can promise me a better career path and personal wealth in the future? am i matured and strong enough to make the ‘right’ decision, face the hardship and uncertainty and leave my comfortable life here for a supposed bright future? is my future in kl that bleak to start off with? (i don’t think so) and will get another opportunity like this again if i let this one go?

where art thou, divine answers?