THE PASSING

i received a call from my elder brother this morning. i already felt that something was amiss when i saw his name appear on my hp. he NEVER called. we sms each other occasionally. but he never called.

"eh, just thought that i'd let you know that uncle suffered a stroke this morning. he's in the ampang puteri now - unconscious. the doctor said that he is nazak already. i'm on my way to the hospital now."

"oh no... ok ok thanks for telling me. if there is any development, let me know ok?"

less than an hour after that, my brother called again.

"uncle dah meninggal. i'm still on my way to the hospital."

innalillah..

i have like a dozen uncles. but he is the only uncle whom we all call 'uncle'. he was my mom's younger brother. i would consider him among the closest uncles that i had. i remember when i was younger, we would always stay at his house if we go to kl (he was the only close relative who lived in kl back then). he helped our family a lot back then. he had always been there whenever there was a family event in kl. he would be at the college during my brother and sister's college registration day, he would be at the airport when we sent off my sister or brother to study in the uk. he even followed my mom to uk for my brother's graduation. my sister got her first job through his help. she stayed with my uncle for a few months when she started working in kl. i actually stayed with my uncle for a week during a job placement organised by my school when i was in form 4. but compared to the rest of my siblings, i was not as close to him as them. maybe because when i started my life in kl (in uni), i already had a brother and a sister who live in kl. so i was less dependant to him as compared to my other siblings. but nonetheless, i was quite close to him.

when i was younger, i remembered admiring my uncle. he was living in kl and his life appeared very sophisticated as compared to my dad. i remember sneaking to his room and i would see dozens of necktie hanging in his room. i would see bottles of perfumes lined up on his dressing table (some of them belonged to his wife of course but i remembered that he had a polo - the dark green bottle with the gold cap). and he had a tv in his room (which i thought was sooo cool back then. i was like 8 ok). it was very different from my dad's room. my dad did not wear a tie to work. and he definitely doesn't wear perfumes. and my parents didn't have a tv in their room up until a couple of years later. he was, in a way my idol when i was younger.

his health had deteriorated a little over the past few years. he had been required to go for dialysis on a regular basis. he was in and out of the hospital a ccouple of times last year. but of course, i never thought that he would go so soon. and so sudden. no one did. i think the whole family is still shocked. i know i am. i'm still a bit confused about my emotions here.. just now while reading the yasin for him, tears welled-up. but after that, i laughed my head off watching freaky friday on tv. and now while writing this, tears are welling up again.

sigh... even my emotions are indecisive.

anyway, i really appreciate if you guys can sedekahkan al fatihah to my uncle. i think that's the least i can do for him now. thanks.