HOLLOW INSIDE

i actually went back for a while last month before i started this new job (i’m sorry if i didn’t contact some of you guys while i was there). did the usual routine of KL-Ip*h-KL-Ip*h-KL (which was quite tiring, as usual). Caught up with my old friends and colleagues. met up with a few new ones (maybe they’re not really friends la… but I don’t really know what to call them). the usual. had my trips to satay kajang and red box (TWICE). the usual. caught up with my brothers and sisters and my anak2 buah. the usual. felt incredibly tired (from too many outings) and lousy the last few days of my break (at the thought of having to come back here). the usual. felt terribly sad and alone because even after meeting all the people that i love and care about, i still feel alone because i don't have a special someone, just for me. the FREAKING usual.

of course, i had fun catching up with my friends and family. and i’d much rather be in M'sia than in d*bai at any given time (even if KL was flooded and it was the cooling winter in d*bai at that time). but it feels a little bit empty not having someone special to spend time with. actually, every time i go back, i would go back with a little hope that things would be different 'this time around'. that something would happen. that somehow, in a possibly freaky way, i would meet someone and things would hit off. but in the end, it doesn't happen. i’d return to d*bai feeling more lonely and more miserable than before because what i wished for did not come true. there would always be that time at the airport, when i'd be waiting to board the plane, and i'd look back at what i've done the whole time i was back home. the trip would be eventful, but i'd still feel empty.

a friend (you know who you are) left me an offline message the other day asking me if i had listened to the new anuar zain song. he said that it’s his current theme song. i hadn’t heard it at the time, so i quickly youtubed and listened to it. i was overwhelmed with sadness after listening to it. not because it’s terribly touching or anything. but because i (unlike most other ‘lelaki’) am not able to relate to the song. i can’t make it my theme song. not only don’t I have anyone at the moment, i've never even had anyone whom i’ve had a significant relationship with anyone EVER (except for the few heterosexual relationships which i don't think qualify under this category). how many other 27-year-olds can make the same the statement? (apart from you, sizzlingmee. you are 28, btw. now put down your hand :P). not many, i’m sure.

btw, how much does an anak ikan cost these days?

just a thought. eheh..

p.s: birthday is coming soon. expect the usual 'anniversary' entry.. hehehe