MY DILEMMA ... (IT'S ENDLESS, I KNOW)

i actually went for a job interview yesterday. it was for a job based in dubai. i didn't want to apply for the job at first, mostly because i have promised myself that i'd stay in my current job for at least 2 years (it was necessary to make this promise to myself as things were getting out of control.. i have worked for 3 companies this year alone). however, after learning that an ex-colleague of mine applied (but she wasn't successful unfortunately), i became interested.. tak tau la kenapa, but i just LOVE going for interviews. i get such an adrenaline rush from sitting for interviews. if other people go bungee jumping or skydiving to experience that rush, attending job interviews provide same effect to me. gila kan? maybe the reason why i love interviews so much is because so far my success rate has been quite high..(syukur..ayukur..heheh). but i think there is something else that makes me enjoy interviews. maybe it's the fact that it's the only situation where it is not considered as self-flattering to say good things about yourself. it is actually required of you to say good things about yourself and talk about your achievements. the truth is, i am quite proud of my academic achievements. i think for a kid who had to deal with his queerness all alone throughout his academic life (yup- ever since kindergarten), i think i did extremely well... eheh.

anyway back to the interview yesterday. as usual, it went well (bunyi macam bagus jer kan?..). however, i don't think the job appeals to me that much anymore. sebabnya:
1. i'm supposed to do syariah compliance audit (which i have never done before)
2. as the job scope is as such, the company is looking for a candidate who is "a good muslim" - someone who is morally intact and practices the muslim way of life. being the only muslim to join the department, this person will be the source of reference for the whole department for muslim related matters. now although i consider myself as a morally intact and to most extent practice the muslim way of life (to the best of my ability that is) i don't think i'd be comfortable being the main source of reference to everyone else (for islamic knowledge). adoi... tersangat-sangat la tak layaknya aku nih.

although on paper my 'islamic knowledge' can be seen as 'adequate' (Pendidikan Islam: SPM - A1, PMR - A), it somehow does not reflect the person that i am (sadly). and although i think i have a good shot at securing this job.. i don't think i would want to take it up.. susahla... it's going to be a tremendous burden and pressure for me.

so camana ha... if they call me for a second interview, should i even bother going for it? (lerr mcm cerita Trio la pulak.. oh btw, have u HEARD the theme song? ya allah... can they be MORE off-tune than that? sakit jiwa la dengar lagu tu!)