THE INSECURED BLOKE AND HIS LAWS OF PROBABILITY

as irritating as my housemate could get, there are some things about him that i can't help but admire (well, maybe not ADMIRE, but be amazed at). this guy has BUCKETS of self-confidence. i envy him for that. but i'm guessing that maybe his arrogance and self-centeredness have provided him the practice that he needs to achieve that level of self-confidence.

just to reiterate, he is 29 (30 by the end of this year) and unmarried. and straight. so of course he's horny. but unlike other people (who would usually conceal how they feel in this area), he's practically flaunting the fact that he is 29, unmarried and is in great need for female companionship.

wherever i go out with him (i'm trying to keep this at a minimum by the way), he'd be 'checking out the lay-dehzz' (a term that is over-abused by him- he thinks he's so cool *rolling eyes*). i, of course, would play along (i cannot NOT show any interest can i?). but this guy has got very high taste in women. he only goes for the EXTREMELY gorgeous ones (which are WAY out of his league if you ask me). and he's not the kind of person who only checks out from afar, he would actually approach some of these girls. even the gorgeous, don't-hate-me-cos-i'm beautiful arab women. last weekend, we went to a shopping mall and he was hitting on a lebanese girl at the cashier counter of a perfume store. he manage to talk with her for a while (being a malaysian sure has its plus points - the arabs are very much fascinated by our country and everyone wants to go to malaysia) but he didn't get around to ask for her number (the line was very long unfortunately, and he didn't want to hog it - how thoughtful). so the day after that he actually called the store (he got the number from the receipt) and asked for the girl (he got her name also from the receipt). after trying for the third time, he managed to speak to her. and he asked for her number. and got turned down. the girl claimed that she was already engaged (a fact that we are unable to validate). but amazingly, he was ok with the rejection. guess he must have had a lot of practice in being rejected eh? heheh...

for the record, i wouldn't say that he's a bad looking chap. but he is certainly not good-looking either. an average joe (a bit short too.. eheh). and i find him to be repulsive (and thank god for that, cos i woudn't want to be smitten by my str8 housemate). because of this, i would not consider him as a hot item. but he is only interested in hot girls. he doesn't seem to apply the laws of logic when he looks for a girlfriend. could it be because a) he lives in a different world in which he looks like ryan seacrest (mm... yummy - american idol is on tv at the moment btw) or b) he's perfectly aware of how he looks but he's just trying his luck.

i am a very logic and rational person. and i have a very low risk appetite when it comes to being rejected. of course, if i can have it my way, i would want my partner to be drop dead gorgeous ..and nice ...and funny ... and sensitive... and smart ... and and and. but what are the chances that i'll find that person? and even if i find him. would he find me as the perfect partner? of course there is a possibility. there is always a possibility. but if the possibility is so miniscule, why should i even bother? (to digress a little - taburan kebarangkalian was my favourite topic in add maths... eheh). that is why, for me the rules of logic and probabilty should be applied, one should find a partner in where an equilibrium can be achieved. and to increase one's probability of finding a 'better' partner, one should try and 'better' oneself. i think even my religion says that one would get someone that one deserves (by the way, my religion also says that plu relationship is an abomination).

however, i seem to find a difficulty 'weighing' (not literally) myself in order for me gauge the type of person who can provide me with the equilibrium. and even if i can gauge where i'm at, i'm not happy. i think there's a lot more things that i can improve on (and yes, my appearance would be one of them). some people can come to a conclusion about how they look like. they'll say 'ok - this is how i look and therefore i know how hot should my potential partner be'. i can't do that just yet. i don't know where i stand. because i'm grossly insecured about my looks (there - i've said it.. phew). and being in the land of the wickedly beautifuls isn't helping.

i try to find solace in the following lyrics. i'm still trying (this, by the way, is the lyrics of a joget song by adibah noor. who says joget songs can't be profound and insightful? ;P)

"dik, janganlah, di makan pujian orang
takut nanti, tersungkur tak sedar diri
biar apa pun kata orang
baju mesti diukur di badan sendiri.

mungkin juga senyumku tidak semanis
potonganku juga mungkin tak secantik
biar apa pun dikata orang
rezeki dah tentu anugerah ilahi"

does anyone need help with the translation? ;P