PERTURBED

my parents and my brother were in town last week for a visit. it was good. it was the least stressful week that i have spent in the company of my mom in a long time. maybe it was because she was nicer to me. maybe it's because my elder brother was not around to receive better treatment from her. maybe, i, after staying only two months in a foreign country, has grown more matured. or maybe i was just too preoccupied with work to even bother. but nonetheless, (nonetheless?!!), i was very glad that they came. at least there is someone that i can talk to about my experiences here (my dad), someone to iron my clothes properly and cook the food that i love (my mom... eheh) and someone to .... (emm...i don't quite know whether my younger brother's presence affected me in any way).

i have always enjoyed talking to my dad. he understands me. looking back, i realised how much he has influenced me. how much he has rubbed off on me. since as long as i can remember, he maintains a diary (provided by his company) where he would record all his daily expenses (having 7 children requires you to be smart with your finances). i've been doing the same thing since i was 14. i've also learned how to always think about the ones who are less fortunate than us before we start pitying ourselves. i've become the soft-spoken (although at times extremely sarcastic) person that i am because he is one too. even genetically, we have similarities. we are both lefthanders. we both have in-grown toenail problem (the same toenail even!). if there is something that hasn't pretty much rubbed off on me, it would be his religiousness. well.. i hope i'll get there someday eventually.

actually, i'm a bit worried. i'm worried because my dad's getting old. he's going to be 67 this year. and he doesn't seem to be that energetic anymore.

i'm worried AND afraid. i'm afraid if something happens, i won't be able to get there in time. suddenly working so far away from home seems like an utterly bad idea (actually i never thought that it was a good idea in the first place.. but it was my dad who wanted me to go..)

while sending off my family at the airport last weekend, i bumped into a fellow malaysian. we got to talking. he told me that he, together with his 9 staff were in dubai for an exhibition (they're from a gov't agency). they were supposed to go back in 2 days' time, but the morning earlier one of his staff got a call from home. her dad had passed away. so he was sending her off back to KL. i managed to catch a glimpse of the girl. her eyes were swollen from crying.

please god, don't let that happen to me.