FAKE INTEREST

i know that i haven't been updating this blog of mine as frequently as i want to. but there is just not enough time!!! there are just so many things that i NEED and WANT to do before i leave the country but there is so little time left. so many friends to meet before i go... so many farewell gatherings... so many change of address notifications to make (all the credit card bills, loans, etc.) ... so much shopping to do (i think i'm going to be declared a bankrupt soon) ... so many so many so many (even WRITING about this makes me feel depressed - so i'm not gonna delve further into this. oh yeah, fyi - i had a panic attack while trying to go to sleep last night just THINKING about the things that i need to do before i go. i actually had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down - yes, it's THAT stressful). all these things have made it impossible for me to update my blog regularly. oh yeah, and plus this is my 50th entry and i really wanted to make it special (you know how when ppl send you memes they always need you to refer to your 50th entry? i don't want to be embarrassed when i am required to look back at my 50th entry). but looking at the current circumstances, SPECIAL maybe not be so achievable.. so i'm just gonna go for DECENT now.

ok, a few entries i wrote about how i'm being match-made by a couple of my friends. at that time, a friend wanted to introduce me to someone and so did a colleague. but two weeks ago, ANOTHER friend tried to introduce me to her best friend. we met at a wedding (the one where i was the celebrated wedding singer.. heheh) and i thought that she was an interesting person. so i agreed to go out with her for a movie. that was two weekends ago. we had a GREAT time. we have a lot of similarities to a point where it scares me a bit. both of us are smart, funny (ok... i realise if i go on with this i might sound like a self-praising a**hole .. so let's just say that the both of us have A LOT in common). too bad she was a girl, if she was a he... i would've kidnapped 'him' home and (censored censored censored) ... hehehe. anyway, after i got home, my friend (who introduced me to this girl) called to ask about the date. i said that i had a lot of fun. "good. because she just called me to say that she couldn't stop smiling after meeting you" (wahh... hehehe. i never knew that i was capable of having such effect on people..hehehe)

we have met 2 more times after that. i have a feeling that she likes me. and don't get me wrong. i like her VERY MUCH. but i like her as much as how a PLU guy can like a girl. deep down, i feel guilty because i know that i am giving her false hopes. she is a genuinely nice person and she doesn't deserve to be deceived this way. but yet, i find myself playing along this game. why? (especially when i have so many other things to do). i don't know. maybe because i've done so many PLU activities lately that i feel the need to cover it up with something big (like having a girlfriend). maybe the fact she fulfills most of my requirements of a "dream girl" (refer earlier post) has made me want to "keep" her (just in case i want to get married later). or maybe just so that i have someone "special" to be introduced to my family when they send me off at the airport? (which is kind of a stupid reason - but then again i'm not that smart at times). i seriously don't know. whatever it is, i have learned something out of this. as hard as it is to be a g*y, it is so much harder to become a bi. a lot of time and attention needs to be devoted to both parties... it's tiring... heheheh.

and THAT was my 50th entry..