MINGLING MATTERS

if you throw me into a room full of single women - i'll survive

if you throw me into a room full of pakcik2 and makcik2 - i'll survive

if you throw me into a room full of kids - i'll survive

if you throw me into a room full of PLUs - i'll survive (and give you a big thank you at the same time :P)

if you throw me into a room full of 30-something, married, heterosexual malay guys - i will die a slow and painful death...

- aiskrem-potong


i was dragged by my colleague to a fellow m'sian's open house a couple of nights ago. after successfully declining 4 previous open house invitations, i just couldn't get out of this one. i was very hesitant to go because i don't even know who the hosts are (but here, all malaysians are welcomed at another malaysian's open house). but more importantly, i was hesitant because i was afraid what i imagine would happen, happen. unfortunately, it did.

from what i see during my first debut at a m'sians in d*bai event (a buka puasa thingy), majority of the m'sians here are in their thirties. most of them are married with kids (which suggest that they are ..you know... different from me). some would have their family with them, some would leave them back in malaysia. and the industry that these people are in are not really that diverse. majority of them are either working in the airline industry or the construction industry (in fact, me and my colleagues are the first batch of m'sian auditors that they know). these people would have their own 'clan' already. so when i go to these gatherings, i feel a little (actually very much) out of place. and when it comes to an audience of a certain demographics (malay, male, heterosexual, married with kids), mingling with them seem to be something that is next to impossible to do.

but i know that being here, this is something that cannot be helped. it's not like a have a lot of choices. if all they have here are abg2 and pakcik2 str8, i should just make peace with this fact and try and make friends with them. after all, 2 years ago, ALL of my friends were str8. i didn't have a plu friend (exept for me ex-housemate). it didn't matter so much to me then. so why am being so choosy about who i should hang out with, right? so, with that thought in mind - i went into the battlefield (the open house). i was determined to mae new friends. it was me against my unjustifiable inferiority complex. i was ready with my best smile and a bunh of my business ards in my pocket ready to be distibuted. but one i went into the battlefield, smiling was pretty much the only thing that i did. smile. salam2. tu je la. and eat. and smile while eating. i was so scared of these people's judgement about me that i couldn't bring myself to start a conversation with anyone. i decided 'cling' to my housemate (oh yeah, he came to the open house too with us). to me, as obnoxious as he is, he's still someone familiar (yes, it's that bad!).

it was only after some time that i braved my way and join a group of people and (make an attempt to) mingle. THIS time, i was clinging to my colleague pulak. you see, during the previous open house (which i didn't go to), my collegue told me that the other malaysians were surprised when they found out that this colleague of mine took his spm in 1996 (which makes him 27). since the rest of the people that he spoken to are mostly in their mid and late 30's and are very experienced hires (which means that they had clocked about 10 working years in m'sia before coming here),to find someone who is 27 was actually a rare thing. when they expressed their astonishment, my colleague told them "i have a friend who took his spm in 1997. i'll bring him along the next time". and true enough, when he introduced me to the rest of the people at the open house, he introduced me as "the guy who took his spm in '97". and the people were like "ooh..ini la dia.. kenapa sebelum ni tak pernah nampak pun?" and as usual, i just smiled. if it was a different type of demographics, i would have answered that question with some mild humour. but there has been cases where this of demographics were not very accepting or responsive towards my type of humour (maybe i'm just not funny - i don't know. but my humour seems to work on other demograhics - why not this?!!). to add to the uneasiness, my colleague actually replied to them "aku dah tak larat nak ajak dah. ajak pegi main bola tak nak, ajak pegi open house tak nak". damn.

some of the guys, upon hearing my colleague's comment about my reluctance to "participate" in these activities, told me that this would be the best time to meet other m'sians. to make new friends. to establish network. adoi. it's not that i don't want to meet other m'sians and make friends. but believe or not, i find this whole thing nerve-wrecking (and boring at the same time). nerve-wrecking due to the pressure to say the right thing and impress a group of people who i can't seem to remotely relate too. and boring because they only talk about cars and football most of the time.

now, it may be a cliche to say that guys only talk about cars and football. but in the span of 90 minutes (which by the way seemed like eternity) that i was there - 80 % of the conversation revolved around these 2 topics.

cars
- price of specific car models
- which cars are the most fuel efficient
- which car models are making its debut back home
- upcoming gt festival in d*bai
- which 4 wheel drive is the best for off-road expeditions


football
- 70's malaysian footballers
- 80's malaysian footballers
- golden moments during some merdeka cup thingy which happenned in 1980
- who (among the guests) represented (kelas, sekolah,daerah) what during their school days

*the remaining 20% was spent talking about their jobs and other miscellaneous items which are not so bad.

today is friday. every friday, there's a football thingy being organised by my fellow countrymen here. my colleague, an avid fan of football (and ex-state player may i add) has never missed it yet (i think). i on the other hand, has never NOT missed it (hehehe). but after all the brotherly advice given to me during the open house, i think i will have to attend today's session. but the thing is, i found out that there's a makan2 thingy at the consulate right after the football thing. which means another 'opportunity' to mingle and meet new people.
oh joy.