NO MORE, NO MORE

i finally realised what has triggered the sore throat (which by tha way, has developed into a quite-severe case of cough and cold - complete with multicoloured phlegm.. hihihih). everyone told me that it's because of the change in weather. but i don't think it was that. it was actually because of the two phone calls that i received earlier this week.

the first phone call came on tuesday night. i was in the middle of reheating my ikan keli which i brought back from m'sia (sedappppp). it was an unfamiliar number - an overseas number. i picked it up. it turned out that it was a senior manager from a consulting company from kuwait. apparently they found my cv in one of the jobstreet-equivalent websites here. and they wanted to know if i'm interested to join their firm.

kuwait guy : so, mr. *****, first and foremost let me ask you this - are you interested in a job opportunity in kuwait?
me: (NOOOOOOOO.. i've decided to just stay in d*bai for another year and go back to kl after that) well, yes, i'm always interested and open for possible career advancement in the region.

what followed after that response was a 25-minute interview with the guy. given the impromptu situation, i think i did well. after the interview, the guy asked to submit my photo and a copy of a report which i have written (which i haven't submitted)

the second phone call came the morning after that. it was from a recruitment agency in qatar. they have sent me an email 2 days earlier which i have not responded to. same thing. another job opportunity.

qatar guy: i understand that you have previous experience in performing hotel audits. would you be interested in joining a reputable h*spitality company here in qatar?
me: (NO NO NO! nak balik kl tahun depannnnnn!!!) yes, i would very much like to be considered for a suitable position.
qatar guy: what would be your expected remuneration mr. ****?
me: (gives a very merepek figure) QAR **,***.**
qatar guy: alright. we will inform our client about this and will inform you accordingly of any new development. in the mean time, please reply to our questions in the email.
me: ok. i will.

i have not responded to the email.

why did these calls bother me so much? i'll tell you why. first, it made ashamed of myself for (once again) not being able to resist the temptation of another job opportunity. basically, this is how i function. throw the word "job opportunity" at me and i will say "yes" in an instant. it's like an automatic reaction. it's a sickness that cannot be cured.

i have said yes despite my earlier resolution to stick by my current job and move back to kl after a year. it is imperative that i follow through with this plan as it is part of my bigger life plan. i was pretty sure that i would be able to stick to this plan. but the minute life throws something at me, i faltered. tewas.

secondly, it made me once again think about the reason why i think that i should NOT consider another opportunity in the region. it's because of me. me being who i am. me being the screwed up person that i am.

it feels terrible having to let go of opportunities and not realising your full potential because you are plu. now that i have started dating and meeting other plu's, i don't think i can be a newscaster anymore (which was my ambition at one point of my life). i can't join AF or m'sian idol (mcm real je kan? hehehe). i can't even consider another (possibly better) job opportunity in the middle east (and i have my own reasons for this).

and these thoughts have made me sick. literally. and i'm actually hoping that they don't get back to me..