Sunday, July 27, 2008


... i'm only getting friend request from girls on myspace these days?!!

seriously. it's not funny ok. how am i supposed to move on like this? with a girl?


Thursday, July 10, 2008


im trying to make a decision whether to return to kl for good or not in the next few months. so before i make the decision, i thought that i could just list down what are the things that i like about my life here in dubai. i've been focusing on the things that i hate about being here that i may have overlooked the things that i like here which i would miss once im back home. so here goes:

1. the better pay - well this is pretty much why i've been holding it up here. so it does deserve to be at the the top of the list. and it has allowed me to do things that i enjoy like travelling and investing (eceh..). but apart from this, let's see if i can think about other things..

2. my friends here - although i don't have that many friends here.. but i do have a few friends whom i would definitely miss once i leave this country.

3. you can bitch about people in front of you with your malaysian friend and he / she won't have a clue. it's really fun!

4. as there is less good, cheap food around.. losing weight is considerably easier.

5. less pressure to get married - something that i only feel whenever i go back home. and working in dubai does provide me with a feasible explanation as to why i'm still single.

6. i will miss the good weather in winter (no there's no snow.. but the weather is niceeeee)

7. i will miss using the air-cond without worrying about the bill later.. hehehe (utilities are included in the rent)

8. the company that i'm working for is quite laid back. we have flexible working hours, i get to wear jeans and t-shirts to the office and my boss is actually quite nice. but i've realised that i'm the kind of person who needs to be pushed to perform. so this advantage is really backfiring on me.

9. they have pretty good sales over here.

10. hmm... ermmm ...lemme think ..

it looks like i'm having trouble coming up with even 10 things which i like or would miss about this place. and i can assure you that i can come up with 100 things which i don't like about the country in a jiffy. so i guess it's settled then eh? d*bai - 0, kuala lumpur -1.

with all the things that has been happening to me recently, it is quite difficult to have think objectively. as much as i try to, i just can't have full trust on myslef that i am thinking objectively. when you are emotionally hurt, nothing feels right. you tend to blame the environment you are in. you just want to get out of it. but after checking back my old entries, i can safely establish that my urge to go back is not from the recent happenings in my life. i had wanted to go back since FOREVER. and i do remember telling myself that i want to complete a year in this company before i go back. and as i feel now is the time that i show more love to myself (as i at this point of time i feel like i'm the only person who can do it fairly), i'm keeping that promise. i am nearing 28, and i need to experience the things that i want to experience. things that i can only experience back home. money, although is good to have, is not everything. and god-willing, opportunities will come by later for me to work overseas if i want to.

the time is now. i will make a call to that kl company tomorrow for a job opportunity. i hope that i will end my chapter in this country soon. wish me luck.

Saturday, July 05, 2008


my sister has always had marital problems. she's been married for almost 15 years now to her high school boyfriend. i think she met him when she was in form 2. so basically they've been together for more than 25 years.

within their marriage of 15 years, they've had 3 children. but within the 15 years of marriage, the husband was without a job for at least 7 years out of that 15 years, leaving her to be the sole breadwinner of the family and to take care of her children. her husband quit a permanent job to try his hands in business. and since then, he has suffered one business failure after another. and he had physically abused her countless times.

everyone in my family (including myself) thinks that her husband is a useless bum and she should have left him years ago. and she actually tried a few times. but they are still married until now. i personally wasn't able understand it. it was crystal clear how she is on the losing side of the relationship. why would she continue to be in this kind of marriage?

but after the thing that has happened to me, i think i am now able to understand why she is still holding on to her marriage. because when emotions are involved, nothing is crystal clear.

basically, i am her in my previous relationship. the one at the losing end. the one who's suffering. everyone who knows me thinks that i should leave him. but as with other relationships, there are of course some good times. the times when you can really feel the love from the other party. and just like her, i've only had a relationship with one person in my life so far. so at this point in time, as much as i want to believe it, i am not sure that i will find someone who can give me the good times (despite the overwhelming and unbearable bad times that came with it). but unlike my sister, i'm trying to be a little more optimistic about the future.

i have ended the relationship.

at this point, i wish i could strongly say that it's the right thing to do. but i can't. there is still a lot of "what if's" that's lingering in my mind at the moment. but all i know is that if i decide to continue with him, i'd probably be the way i was in the last 4 months, which was lunacy. and i do not want that. so at this point of time, breaking up seems like a better option.

yes. i'm struggling. i am a perfectionist, i have an emotional maturity of an infant and i am a thinker. all these are making it so difficult for me to get past through this. but i know that i need to get through this. i owe this to myself, i owe this to my family and i owe it to my friends. heck i even owe this to my boss. it's time to get my life up and running again.

to my friends, thank you. thank you for putting up with my crap so far. thank you for your patience and thank you for all the advice. believe me, i know how annoying i have been to you guys in the past few months. and i am very very sorry. but i'm afraid i still need your help in getting through this phase. so do bear with me for a little bit more ok... (*smiles sheepishly*)