TWO SISTERS, A MAID AND A PAIR OF BRAS

when i was working in kl, i used to call my sisters quite regularly. of course they can be very evil at times, but it's just fun to catch up with them sometimes - to know how things are with the nieces and nephews, to know what my mom has been talking about me behind my back (all my siblings do this) and gossip about the other siblings (favourite target would of course be that elder brother of mine..).

so last week, i called one of my sisters just to catch up on things. she lives in ipoh. she was fuming when i called her. not at me - at her maid. apparently she just found out that her maid was stealing from my OTHER sister (who lives in kl). but it was not money that she stole, it was a pair of bras (yeah..take your time. it took me a while to let the information sink at first too). and not just any bras, it was a pair of marks and spencer bras that apparently cost 180 bucks (ok, i'll give you some time to let THIS piece of information sink in too).

a couple of weeks ago, my ipoh sister went to kl for a holiday with her husband and kids. they went to pd and genting. my ipoh sister decided to leave her maid at my kl sister's house for 2 days when they went to genting. that was when she committed her crime. a few days after they went back to ipoh, my kl sister started noticing the disappearance of her bra (it's amazing how women can keep track of these things). so, she asked HER maid to look for it. over and over again. but of course it was no longer in her house. after a few sleepless night she finally decided to call my ipoh sister to ask. and true enough, after a spot-check session by my sister, she found the stolen items.

my ipoh sister went ballistic. she never really liked her maid in the first place. i personally don't really like this maid of hers either (which is unusual because i am usually ok with my sister's other maids). but this one is a bit mengada2 la. always craving for attention. she always exaggerate her laughs (she pretty much exaggerate everything actually). and too highly opinionated for her own good. and my sister gets pissed off by this all the time. when she found out that she has stolen the bra, she erupted.

she told her maid that she was going to deduct 180 bucks from her salary for the bra. 180 bucks is almost half of the maid's salary. the maid, upon hearing this (over-exaggeratingly) hugged my sister's legs and profusely pleaded "tolong puan...ampun puan". kesian jugak. half a month's salary gone because of a pair of second hand bras? definitely not worth it. but it's her fault. who asked her to steal those (ridiculously expensive) undergarments in the first place?

after that, my sister called my mom up to complain about what her maid has done, hoping that she'd get support and sympathy from her. but my mom being my mom, gave her usual UNexpected (ironic huh) response upon hearing the story. she said "la...baju dalam pun nak curi ke? mak ada banyak baju dalam yang dah tak pakai. boleh bagi kat dia". that is so typical of my mom... always failing to grasp the point of her children's complaints to her. in fact, when she came over to d*bai for a visit a few months ago and i complained how i had to live with that a**hole that is my housemate, she actually said "biarla dia.... kelakar budak tu".sigh..

anyway, after finished talking to my ipoh sister, i decided to call the crime victim (my kl sister).. eheh. the first thing that i asked her was "weh ... what the hell were u doing buying a 180-bucks pair of bras? too much money is it?". she laughed. "ala, they are very comfortable la.... i even got 2. that's how i realised that one pair was missing" (eleh, that is soooo a cover-up. i know she gets very weary and suspicious when it comes to foreign maids. fyi, my sister holds the peninsular malaysia record for having the most number of maids who ran away while working for her. we are trying to get her name in the malaysia book of records...kekeke). "so now you can sleep at night again huh?" i asked. "hahaha. i guess".

sleepless nights over a missing pair of undergarments? we should really trade lives, sis.

p.s: i'm watching beauty and the geek while writing this. all i can say is, thank god that richard guy didn't win. god, he is soooooooo irritating. even more irritating than azwan ali when he hosted the anugerah skrin last year.. hehehe..

< INSERT DEPRESSING TITLE HERE >

this will be a short entry - i'm typing in the dark.

i'm supposed to go to bed early tonight as i need to wake up early tomorrow. auditing this company whose offfice is at the other side of the city. and i did go to bed early. lights were off at 10.30 pm. but 55 minutes have passed -and i'm still awake. decided to switch on my laptop and write something (but can't bring myself to get up and switch on the lights).

for two nights in a row, i've had trouble sleeping. it seems like my brain has decided to do some deep, profound thinking about my life during bedtime. about where it is headed. about what will happen. about happiness (and how hopeless i feel about finding happiness). about how unhappy i am with who i am now. and how frustating it is to know that i can't change who i am. and how the fact that i can't change who i am is making me feel dreadful amd miserable about my future.

thinking about all this makes me sad. and lonely. now my emotions are working over time too. i feel terribly alone here. i just wish that someone can give me a hug or something. but there's no one here...

i hate this feeling ...

OMEN TORMENT

the first time i watched a movie in this country, it was the movie that won best movie at the most recent oscars. last week, i gathered up my courage to part with another 30 hard-earned dirhams (eheh..) to catch another movie. this movie has not won any awards yet, but personally i think it's going to be a very strong contender. but not for the oscars - the razzies. for worst movie of the year. how ironic...

i watched omen.

i was actually torn between the da vinci code and the omen. but being the (sometimes) anti-establishment guy that i am, i have a certain dislike about catching a movie that is given too much hype. too much publicity. i would probably end up watching these movies, but only on dvd or something. once the hype is over. don't ask me why.. that's just me (maybe it's because i have this unjustifiable need to NOT do what other people do. it's dumb - i know)

so anyway... we (me and a FEMALE colleague) decided to watch omen. i personally decided that since i had the horror of my life that morning (refer previous post), so why not end the night with some horror too, eh? hehehe. plus, i really like(d) julia stiles. she seems smart. and very genuine with her expressions. a good actress in my books. but never thought someone who looks that smart could even AGREE to star in this movie. guess you fooled me this time ms. stiles.. (or they fooled you. whatever)

the movie started impressively enough. but 3 minutes into the movie, they was a scene in italian (or whatever language they are using back in vatican city) .. but being in this country - of course the subtitles were in arabic. ok i got stressed a bit.. but unfortunately it was just the beginning. halfway through the movie i was already rolling my eyes every 5 minutes.

ok i don't plan to turn this entry into movie review... but i just feel that being a responsible citizen of the world, i need to warn everyone about this. you SHOULD NOT watch this movie unless you find the following things logical (just to name a few):

1. a child who was born with so much hair that no one could see his triple six birthmark on his scalp when he was a baby

2. a father, who, when told that his son has a triple six birthmark on his scalp went to his son's bedroom with a pair of scissors to cut his son's hair (to see the birthmark). after like 2 and a half snips, he found it. spot on!

3. a husband, after hearing the news that his wife that he loved so much is dead while he was in italy, decided to go to ISRAEL (to do some evil-child investigation) instead of going back to attend her wife's funeral.

4. a photographer who somehow CONVENIENTLY has access to important information of a dead guy (autopsy results, key to his house, his diary - basically everything that is required to help with the storyline)

5. a u.s. ambassador (who heads the u.s. embassy in london) who, by facial expression appears to be all intense and deep in thought throughout the movie but is such a numbskull! (ok this may not be THAT illogical after all...)

by hollywood standards, it was a terrible movie. i have to say that some malay movies make better sense than omen (and this doesn't happen very often). but how we were supposed to know that the movie would suck? we did not receive any omen NOT to watch omen before the movie. my friend, funnily enough said this to the ticket window attendant:

"can we get 2 omens please?"

we did not get it. we got 2 tickets to a lousy movie instead.

EXPOSED

i had a minor heart attack today.

i was in my room, watching oprah on a lazy thursday morning (thursday : saturday in this country) . i had my laptop on and yahoo messenger was running but i just left it on my bed. it was a good episode of oprah and i wanted to finish watching it before i go ym-ing. once the show ended i returned to my laptop to see who else was online that i could harrass and violate while they were working (i do this every thursday and friday). but before i could even do that, i saw that i already had a message from an ex-colleague. it was a long one - numbered even. i thought "hmm... what is it that she has a lot to say about? we just chatted online last night.." i started reading the message. my heart stopped. i think my face went white for a millisecond. to my horror, it was my most recent blog entry (refer below). oh crap! my worst blog-related nightmare came true. someone i know had chanced upon my blog and now that person knows about my darkest secret!!

ok so maybe i did not really had an actual heart attack but it sure felt like it. i was trembling. shivering even. i knew that it was no use to deny it cause as she said (later) - i fit all the description. i'm in d*bai (i think that gave it away most.... sigh... too much for my effort to refrain ppl i know from finding out about my blog by spelling d*bai as d*bai...), i drive a savvy (as a 'good' friend puts it - tak ramai org yg akan tergamak beli kereta tu. i resent that ok sizzlingmee... ko punya kembara special edition tu best sangat la... ;P). i love going to karaoke. yup that's all me. even if it wasn't all these things, she would've found out anyway. she was the one who gave me a testimonial on friendster on which i decided to write an entry on a couple of months ago (brilliant me..). so ok, denying would be futile. so i used another approach - begging her not to continue reading like a lunatic. but it was too late. she said "don't worry. your secret is safe with me". great. that managed to freak me even more.

apart from being an ex-colleague, she is a good friend of mine. we worked together for more than 2 years. she treats me like a brother, and in some ways i treat her like an older sister. she's one of the friends who i can totally be myself when i'm around her. (but by being myself - i don't mean to the extent that i can admit that i'm a plu). we used to hang out together a lot when i was back in m'sia and even now we chat on ym regularly. just last night, both of us were on ym and she suddenly asked me - "so what's your blog address?". "huh" i thought, "that's weird.. i never told any of my friends that i had a blog". i, of course lied to her by saying that i didn't have any. she slyly remarked "kalau i dapat tahu siap la u...". i had a split-second moment of concern that she may have found out about my blog. but i brushed that thought away immediately. i already had a lot of things to think about that i felt that i shouldn't waste my time thinking about 'potential' problems. boy was i wrong.

after i finally managed to calm down, i started asking her how did she find out about this boring, unattractive, not-even-visually-stimulating blog. she said that a plu friend of hers told her about it. yes i was distressed at that time but i couldn't help but think (at least for a moment) "wah... someone actually made reference to my blog in his conversation"... ehehe. ok ... good enough.. so she has other plu friends. that may help a little. i actually wanted to ask her next whether the friend is cute or not but then realised that i was in a serious situation that requires 100% focus and attention. so i (reluctantly) decided to drop that question. what i really needed to know was how she feels about this. and i needed to make her swear on someone's grave that she would never let this piece of information out. so we talked about it. and thank god she was ok with it. it turned out that she has a few plu and transexual friends (well she can definitely add me in that list of friends now). she even jokingly asked me whether i'd like their numbers. i was stumped. i didn't know how to respond to the joke at first. it just felt weird having that joke to come from a friend who didn't know me as a plu up until 24 hours ago. but after a while, i was ok with it. i guess i have to live with these jokes from her now...

i also asked her whether she was surprised after finding out. she said that she was. but it was mostly because of the fact that she knows that i am quite a dutiful muslim (well.. actually there are dutiful muslims who are plu. it's just that we are less dutiful when it comes to these matters... because it's HARD). i also asked her if she ever sensed that i might be a plu. and she said no. "you disguised it well". hmm... i don't know whether i should feel triumphant about it or be more shameful of the fact that i've managed to fool a lot of people from my disguising (?) skills.

i did apologise to her for lying to her all this while. for showing fake interest in girls and all. surprisingly, she said that she understands. it was a relief. but now she is taking advantage of the situation. by blackmailing me. now i am expected to get her something from Tiffany & Co as a souvenir from d*bai. errr... hello - i'm not donald trump ok. but i have to agree with her, it's going to take a lot of discipline to keep this secret. especially when we share the same ex-colleagues who are now good friends to both of us. i hope she has the discipline required.. or i might need to kill her .. heheh (i'm writing this as if she's not gonna check out my blog anymore. ok la. to YOU, you better have the discipline or i will have to kill you.. ;P). in any case, i am grateful that among the non-plu people that i know, she was the one who chanced upon my blog and not someone else. i don't think there is a better person i know who can be more understanding. call me crazy, but i think this is all God's work. and the fact that it happened the way it happened - shows that God loves me in a different level that i've never felt before.

i'm not going to delete my blog just yet (although i did consider it a few moments back). but i don't know... obviously there is some risk involved here. what if it was someone who do not really like me who had come across my blog? he or she would forward my blog's url in a jiffy. i don't know whether i can handle that if that happens. maybe i'll get some 'authorised access' thingy enabled. i don't know. we'll see..

anyway if there is someone who knows me in real-life who have read this blog (and have figured out that it's me), please let me know. and talk to me about it. i can't stop you from being judgemental, but at least give me the opportunity to talk to you about it...

p.s: i was actually pondering about what to write about last night. and i think i was WISHING that i find something interesting to blog about. really got what i wished for, huh.

HOMECOMING

guess who's flying back to malaysia for a one-week break? ME!!!!!

ok - shouldn't get too excited too soon. after all, i'm only going back in 5 weeks' time. and i still have another big project (read : crappy audit) that i need to complete. but hell - i AM excited! i'm already thinking about the gazillion things that i'm going to do when i go back. and being the organised (and forgetful) person that i am, i am preparing a to do list. here it is:

1. make a pit stop at the dengkil rest area right after touching down at klia - and have an all-i-can-eat session of satay hj samuri (omg i'm salivating jjust writing this!)
2. have mee kicap at the perak stadium's medan selera
3. mom's cooking (of course)
4. pay a visit to my old office and have the oh-so-yummy ikan keli percik at the cafeteria for lunch
5. dinner at ampang yong tow foo
6. spend mindless hours karaoke-ing at news ktv, yow chuan plaza and red box ria, sogo complex
7. catch a movie at the newly-opened cineleisure damansara (it IS opened, right?)
8. have a dvd shopping spree at low yat plaza
9. drive around in my car (i never thought i'd say this - but i miss my car ... :( )
10. watch konsert mingguan akademi fantasia (yay!)
11. have meetup session with friends, ex-colleagues (oh-uh need to start getting souvenirs.. )
12. meetup session(s) with current interest(s) (ehem.....)
13. watch gubra (i hope the vcd is out)

ok so maybe it's not really a gazillion things... but i do have some errands that i need to do as well. i just hope that i'll have enough time to do everything. and i hope i won't be so jet-legged to do all these stuff..

oh by the way, i could use some company to do some of the things listed above (well maybe not #3, #11 and #12)... so ... any takers ? ;P

VANITY AFFAIR

one of the (very few) things that i like about living in d*bai is that you can still go and get a haircut even when it's 11 o'clock at night. this works great for me cos most of the time, i'd only reach home from work at about 9.30. and maybe it's just where i'm staying, but there's at least FIVE salons within walking distance from my apartment. i have seriously never been more spoilt for choice in terms of choosing a neighbourhood saloon.

i just had another haircut two nights ago. taking advantage of the situation here, i WALKED to a salon behind my apartment at 10.30 p.m. (now there's a sentence that i can never write in m'sia). the hairdressser was an egyptian. very yummy (you guys need to trust my judgement here - i'm not making this up). and friendly too. too bad he speaks like 10 words of english - "i speak arabic, i speak french. i no speak english". now the clever thing to do after that honest admission by the hairdresser would be to get up and leave. i mean, how do i expect him give me the haircut that i want if i can't even tell him what i want? but it was a little bit too late because he has already strated with the shaver thingy when he said that. and i was afraid that the next hairdresser won't be as cute... heheh.

so he continued on. along the way, he asked me a few questions. like what do i do for a living. actually his exact words were "what work?" to which i replied "accountant". then there was a confused expression on that cute face of his. "accountand? what accountand". alamak, how do i explain this? finally i just said, "bank. i work bank". "ah....". thank god he's satisfied with my answer. then he continued with playing with my hair (well, cutting it was more like it - but playing with it sounds so much better!)

how was the haircut? it was TERRIBLE. it was wayyy too short (my colleague jokingly asked me the next day when did i join the military). but for the 25 bucks that i paid, it was totally worth it. not the haircut, but the hair fondling and caressing that came with it.. heheh. i guess getting a haircut was pretty much the only physical action that i'm getting from another guy here. and how pathetic is that? VERY.

sigh ....i wish my hair can grow faster..... ;P. ouh-ouh, maybe i can brush up on my french before i make the next trip to the salon. then i could go up to that guy and say something like "monsieur hairdresseur , voulez vous coucher avec moi?" (don't bother correcting me, i know that it's wrong)

in my dreams that is.