END OF A CHAPTER

hey guys,

i am currently sitting at my office cubicle.. waiting to handover this laptop back to the office coordinator in about an hour. this is probably going to be my last entry in d*bai. as some of you may know, i have decided to quit my job here and move back to malaysia. i have actually been dreaming of this day the moment i stepped foot in this country and it is finally happening.
a lot of people have been asking me how do i feel about leaving this place. i have always been a nostalgic person. i get teary eyed everytime i leave a company. i remember when i was in form 2, and it was the last day of school. i was in the afternoon session at the time and form 2 was the last year of afternoon session. i got so nostalgic and sentimental of the fact that that was the last day that i would be in the afternoon session that i cried before going to school (maybe that's how much i hate waking up extra early in the morning to attend the morning session but that's not the point). this time around, i do still feel sad but the feeling of sadness is overwhelmed by the feeling of excitement. i'm excited about going back for raya, excited about my new life in kl, excited about meeting ..emm .. new acquaintances.. so, there's very little time for reminiscing.

but whatever it is, my 2 years and 8 months in d*bai will be a phase in my life that i will always remember (thankfully i have my blog and some other d*bai friend's blogs to remind me of the times here). as much as i would like to bitch about how awful this place is, in totality i am glad that i have made the decision to try out this country when i got the offer almost years ago. i was 25 back then, barely out of the closet, having a ball of a time exploring this part of me which was kept inside for so long, and i actually loved my job at the time. it was difficult making the decision - sleepless nights were involved. but in the end, i made the decision to come here. and i'm kinda glad that i did.

so this is me, saying goodbye to a phase of my life in which i have learnt so much from. it is also a phase in which i get more confused about life. well, i guess it;s true what they say, the more you know, the more questions you'll have.if this blog was a book, then this would be the end of a chapter. and readers, get ready for the next chapter. it's promised to be more sizzling! hahaha..

ps: selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin to everyone!! enjoy your raya!!

BEING TWENTY EIGHT

as hard as it is, the truth needs to be swallowed. yeap, i am now 28. of course, the normal reaction from 30-something and 40-something year old friends or colleagues would be "ah.. you're still a baby". but try telling it to your 23 year old pet brother (slash previous scandal) and he'll say "how did you get old so quickly?". can't really blame him. when i was 23, 28 seemed like light years away. but hey, now i'm here. and how does it feel? really don't know. all i know is that thank god i've followed through with my decision to return back to kl this year instead of next year. it really does feel like time is running out. for what - i don't know exactly. hehehe. but all i know is that i'm glad that i'm going back. yeap - even with the current political situation (what is up with that, people? do we actually have a prime minister anymore back home? is that dude still alive?). and even when i don't quite have half a million in my bank account (thanks for raising the bar so high, crushio :P). i'm glad i'm going to do it soon. or else i'd be hyperventilating already.

as always, my birthday have been the day when i get reminded of how blessed i am to have the friends and family that i have. the people who have been around for so long and the people whom hopefully are here to stay. and there were some surprises too this year. the first person who wished me happy birthday at the stroke of midnight was actually someone whom i have been guilty of neglecting for so long. but the guy is ever so persistent. another surprise is that my siblings have started using facebook to wish me happy birthday! (gosh i should really be careful with my facebook). the biggest surprise had to be from this high school GUY friend whom i've never been very close with. he said something like "wishing you a very happy birthday. keep that great smile bla bla bla". scared me a little bit.. but i still aprreciate it. i think.

celebration back here, as expected, was low key. being ramadhan and all, there was only time for one slot for get together - iftar. so since my officemate-cum-longest-friend-in-this-country invited me for dinner with another friend about a week ago, i said yes (there is something quite symbolic about that isn't it?). so we had dinner. and there was a cake. that pretty much wraps up the celebration. some of my friends here don't quite remember my birthday. i do not take offense though. i don't quite remember theirs too :P

anyway, i promise myself that i am going to try and make 28 my best year yet! after almost 3 years slugging it out in this place, i'm finally going back home. the stage is now set. i'll be working in a place which i think i'm going to like, working for someone whom i've known for years and i'll get to finally do the things that i have been wanting to do. things like having my own place that i can do a major renovation on, taking vocal lessons (i'm serious!), doing charity work (who wants to join me?) and liposuction (ok i'm just kidding. err. half-kidding).

previously i was a little bit sad to realise that i'll be back a single guy. i thought that it would be nice to share this experience of starting my life back with someone special. i imagined doing things like shopping for furniture (pushing trolleys together in ikea) and decorating the place with that someone special. but then i realise that i already have some very special people in my life. my close friends. my siblings even. the ones whom i know will be around for a long time. these are the people whom i would want to share this experience with. not someone who could be special to me at that point of time but could be out of my life the very next year. so there's actually no better time for me to be single. and being single definitely gives me the freedom of main2 mata with cute guys when i'm in ikea. hehehe.

if a guy has waited to go to a buffet almost three years, why would he want to approach the buffet table with a plate that is already full, right? :P

IT HURTS - BUT I NEEDED IT

i think i can safely say that i'm finally moving on from the previous relationship. yerp. it does take THAT long. and it took one disturbing, disgusting revelation for me to move on. no, i'm not going to provide any details (mostly because i'm rather ashamed of myself for what has happened) but suffice to say that i'm convinced now that ending the relationship was the right thing to do.

i'm turning 28 in a week's time. and my life at 27 has taught me many of life's most important lessons. falling in love. having a relationship. ending a relationship. moving on from a relationship (in which i am a very lousy student). i also learned more about people and what they would do for money. i learned about trust and how not to give it too easily (can't believe i'm only learning about this at 27!! i must have been really priviliged to be surrounded by trustworthy people previously).

all in all, it has been an emotionally overwhelming year i have to say. a lot of tears (yeah i cry a lot). a lot of moments when you just wish that you can just stop your brain from thinking about something. but you feel so hopeless because you just can't. somehow, at times like these you realise how vulnerable you are. how if you are not strong enough, you will let something which happens to you ruin your life. it's up to you to build the courage to fight and move on with your life.

but hey, life is a journey of experiences isn't it. as long as we learn from our mistakes, we should be fine. but that, somehow, is easier said than done. all we can do is to hope for better future.

here's for a less heartbreaking 28!