NO MORE, NO MORE

i finally realised what has triggered the sore throat (which by tha way, has developed into a quite-severe case of cough and cold - complete with multicoloured phlegm.. hihihih). everyone told me that it's because of the change in weather. but i don't think it was that. it was actually because of the two phone calls that i received earlier this week.

the first phone call came on tuesday night. i was in the middle of reheating my ikan keli which i brought back from m'sia (sedappppp). it was an unfamiliar number - an overseas number. i picked it up. it turned out that it was a senior manager from a consulting company from kuwait. apparently they found my cv in one of the jobstreet-equivalent websites here. and they wanted to know if i'm interested to join their firm.

kuwait guy : so, mr. *****, first and foremost let me ask you this - are you interested in a job opportunity in kuwait?
me: (NOOOOOOOO.. i've decided to just stay in d*bai for another year and go back to kl after that) well, yes, i'm always interested and open for possible career advancement in the region.

what followed after that response was a 25-minute interview with the guy. given the impromptu situation, i think i did well. after the interview, the guy asked to submit my photo and a copy of a report which i have written (which i haven't submitted)

the second phone call came the morning after that. it was from a recruitment agency in qatar. they have sent me an email 2 days earlier which i have not responded to. same thing. another job opportunity.

qatar guy: i understand that you have previous experience in performing hotel audits. would you be interested in joining a reputable h*spitality company here in qatar?
me: (NO NO NO! nak balik kl tahun depannnnnn!!!) yes, i would very much like to be considered for a suitable position.
qatar guy: what would be your expected remuneration mr. ****?
me: (gives a very merepek figure) QAR **,***.**
qatar guy: alright. we will inform our client about this and will inform you accordingly of any new development. in the mean time, please reply to our questions in the email.
me: ok. i will.

i have not responded to the email.

why did these calls bother me so much? i'll tell you why. first, it made ashamed of myself for (once again) not being able to resist the temptation of another job opportunity. basically, this is how i function. throw the word "job opportunity" at me and i will say "yes" in an instant. it's like an automatic reaction. it's a sickness that cannot be cured.

i have said yes despite my earlier resolution to stick by my current job and move back to kl after a year. it is imperative that i follow through with this plan as it is part of my bigger life plan. i was pretty sure that i would be able to stick to this plan. but the minute life throws something at me, i faltered. tewas.

secondly, it made me once again think about the reason why i think that i should NOT consider another opportunity in the region. it's because of me. me being who i am. me being the screwed up person that i am.

it feels terrible having to let go of opportunities and not realising your full potential because you are plu. now that i have started dating and meeting other plu's, i don't think i can be a newscaster anymore (which was my ambition at one point of my life). i can't join AF or m'sian idol (mcm real je kan? hehehe). i can't even consider another (possibly better) job opportunity in the middle east (and i have my own reasons for this).

and these thoughts have made me sick. literally. and i'm actually hoping that they don't get back to me..

IT'S ACTING UP AGAIN

i hate having sore throats. i hate it because i have never been successful to stop it from getting worse. it always starts with that small irritation doesn't it? the irritation that makes you "ahemmmm" every few seconds. i had that while i was watching american idol last night. "oh crap..". as usual, i tried my best to not let it get worse. i drank a lot of water, took some cough medicine, and popped in a few strepsils. one after another. actually i don't know why i keep buying strepsils. they never seem to work (damn you strepsils!). but i can't take fisherman's friend because it's too mentholated. i'll sneeze if i take anything mentholated. and to sneeze when you have a bad sore throat.. is like, uhm, very painful ok? (himbo alert - hahaha). it's excruciating. mcm nak tercabut anak tekak ni.

but as i expected, i woke up today with an even worse sore throat than last night. and it has not gotten any much better. and i'm still popping those bloody strepsils (hoping for a miracle). and now i can't talk much. more importantly, i won't be able to sing in the car on my way back (oh yeah, i car pool with my manager everyday. and since he's not so much fun to talk too, i've been singing in the car to kill time. he doesn't seem to mind - i have a nice voice..wakakaka)

after being in this body for almost 27 years, i have managed to understand a little bit more about it. my body seems to respond to my emotional being. just like me, my body is a very sensitive and emotional .. thing. i remember when i was in form 5, my father told me that he wanted to enrol me for add maths tuition during one of the school holidays (i HATED add maths and was not really good at it, except for when it comes to taburan kebarangkalian which i TOTALLY get. but give me janjang or pembezaan or pengamiran and i will beg for your mercy). anyway, the idea of having to do add maths during the school holidays was unberable to me. and because of this, i had a bad stomachache. a very bad stomachache. it took a while for me to put two and two together but eventually i figured it out. nowadays, i realise that if i am emotionally distressed, i can expect either a very bad stomachache or a very bad sore throat / fever. same thing happened again during last year's raya. i was so stressed that i couldn't go back that i was slapped with a very bad fever-cough-cold. the whole works. when i sneeze, blood came out (heheheh...gross kan?). i knew that i was sick not because anything, but merely because my body's acting up in response to my emotional being at that time (wah!!)

the thing is, currently i don't really feel THAT bad. i mean, of course it sucks having to come back here after 3 weeks in malaysia. but i'm not THAT miserable. there are some thingd that i'm looking forward to at the moment. like enjoying my life in the new apartment (how cool is it to be able to catch a cinema 5 minutes from where you walk?!!), losing more weight (it's so weird that i'm so optimistic about this) and finding a f*lipino anak ikan (wakakaka). then why is that my body's acting up strange? hmm... dahagakan kasih sayang kah? i've lived without it for so long ... it shouldn't bug me now, right? (sedih tak?).

in any case, i hope this goes away soon. cos whenever i'm sick, i become more ..subdued. and more importantly, i can't share my gift from God (my voice) with the people around me. i feel so.... selfish. hahahahha.